“how i wish i knew just how one ought to behave in going into public places, meetings, and lectures,” said a young woman recently. others have asked similar questions. i have heard something like this more than once: “isn’t it dreadful not to know the little things that would prevent folks from looking at you and smiling in such a mean way?”

it is “dreadful,” as well as unnecessary that children should be left to grow up ignorant of any of those things, great or small, which will make it possible for them to enter the schoolroom, the church, the hall, and move about in such a manner as not to be objects of unpleasant observation to those who make politeness a profession.

all that has been said about the opening and closing of doors, and the rules of precedence, are always in full force, and should 56 become so automatic that they will never have to be remembered. even at home, and in the small country schoolhouse place of worship they should be observed, if one hopes to always do the “nice way.”

in a small congregation where “everybody knows everybody,” there is a great temptation to fall into very lax manners, and so to cultivate habits that are hard to overcome, and which will cause chagrin by and by to the young man or woman who wants to appear well among strangers. therefore it is wise to train the children to such deportment in the small church, or cottage meeting that they shall never be in danger of bringing reproach on the home which they have left behind them, by uncouth or disorderly behavior in any public assembly.

any place of worship should be entered quietly, children and parents together, single file, in such order that there will be no 57 jostling, crowding, or changing of places. there are two ways of seating a family, either of which is good form. in one case the father enters first, followed in order by the mother, the youngest child, and then the others according to age, so that the eldest comes last. at the opening to the pew, or row of chairs, the father turns, standing to face the others, and waits until all have passed in and are seated, when he takes his place at the entrance. this arrangement gives the mother the seat in the farther corner, with the “baby” beside her, while the eldest child is next to the father.

in the other case the eldest child leads, and passes into the farther end of the seat, followed by the other children in such order as to leave the “baby” next to the mother, who sits in the second place from the end, beside her husband.

sometimes when there is a large family, it is necessary to separate the children by placing 58 the mother in the midst of them between two restless ones. but whatever order is necessary, let it be so matter-of-course that the coming in and seating shall be in that decorous manner which will impress the children with the sacredness of the service for which they have come.

teach the child that in entering a seat or row of chairs, good form requires that he shall pass clear in to the farthest vacant place, or that if he has dropped down in the end or middle of the row, and others come to claim seats beyond him, he should always either arise, come out and stand to allow them to pass in, or himself go on to the farthest place. teach him, never, under any circumstances, to make it necessary for any one to climb over his feet and legs to reach a vacant place. this is one of the most common and worst forms in which bad training in deportment manifests itself.

also teach your child to refuse to climb over 59 anybody’s feet. instruct him either to wait for a decent chance to enter that seat or to find another. the ludicrous, not to say unbecoming appearance of a woman who tries to drag herself over the knees of some man who remains immovable in the end of the seat, or who attempts to draw himself up to “make room” for her to pass, is entirely out of harmony with the spirit which should prevail in a place of worship; and the young man coming from home with this habit, which has been formed by climbing over his brothers and sisters, as well as parents and guests, and letting them climb over him, will be left some sad day to wonder why people stop at the entrance to the pew where he sits, wait an instant, look at him so queerly, and then pass on, as if they were not willing to occupy the same seat with him. he may think it is because he is from the country, because he is not stylishly dressed, because they are very 60 “stuck up,” when it is simply because they do not choose to climb over his legs to find a seat.

but your daughter should be so taught that if she must stand in the aisle and wait for some man to get it into his head that he had better move on, or come out so as to allow her to pass, she shall do it kindly and without contempt; for, of course, the poor fellow would do better if he only knew how.

teach by precept and example that wraps and rubbers should not be put on until after the benediction. if your boy should grow up to the dignity of door-keeper in the house of the lord, he should know that extra seats should never be removed from the aisles, nor doors be opened, until the last “amen” has been reverently uttered.

i believe that reverence and a proper understanding of the meaning of the sacred hours of worship would be wholesomely inculcated by the practise of sitting down 61 in silence for two or three minutes after the benediction, or long enough for any necessary things to be done, such as the orderly passing out of the congregation might require.

good form requires that there be no loud talking, visiting, laughing, bustling, or confusion of any sort in the breaking up of a congregation. in fact, instead of a breaking up, it should be a melting away, each for himself seeking to hold in thought, and carry with him all that is possible of the subject which has been considered, avoiding everything which tends to dissipate or to divert the mind from its contemplation.

this is the good form which nominal christians require and teach. it is only the form, if you please, at the best dead, by which the worldly professor seems to be trying to make up what may be lacking in real spiritual worship; but that very fact proves it to be more than ordinarily worthy of consideration 62 and adoption by the most spiritual. upon the same principle that our righteousness must exceed the righteousness of the scribes and pharisees should our courtesy and good breeding exceed that of the most cultivated people of the world.

that behavior which everybody recognizes as becoming the house of the lord, is that which would most certainly distinguish jesus if he should come in among us; and the true worshiper who will clothe himself with these gentle, christlike graces of conduct will be no less truly a christian, while he will certainly be more quickly recognized as such.