“i’s glad de kunnel an’ ole miss is gone to n’awleens,” hopey prophet remarked as she sank her thickly upholstered body into a deeply upholstered chair in the gaitskill drawing-room. “i likes to take a seat an’ set down in de white folks’ parlor an’ ack white.”
“if de kunnel knowed we wus settin’ in dis boodwar, he’d bu’st our necks,” dazzle zenor giggled as she sat down on the stool at the grand piano and ran her slim ebony fingers over the white keys.
“i’ll shore fergit to tell him whar we spent our time while he wus gone,” hopey chuckled, as she raised herself from the chair and waddled across the room to turn on all the electric lights. “whut marse tom ain’t know won’t hurt us.”
“i needs a beau to entertain me in dis nice room,” dazzle smiled, looking up at the chandelier now blazing with light. “all dis noble arrangement is wasted on me ’thout no man to see me in de middle of it.”
“dat remark shows dat skeeter butts is still pesterin’ yo’ mind,” hopey told her. “ef he takes a notion to pay a call-visit, i’ll shore set right here an’ chapperoon him.”
“us won’t need you,” the girl remarked in a dreamy tone as she ran her fingers down the keyboard of the piano. “skeeter shore do look brave in his soldier suit.”
“brave!” hopey snorted. “brave! dat skeeter butts is de biggest coward in de nunited states of loozanny!”
“he ain’t!” dazzle protested.
“he am!” hopey insisted, nodding her big head on her fat shoulders. “skeeter ain’t never seed nothin’ in his life dat he wusn’t skeart of. he’s a nachel-bawn ’fraid-cat!”
“i don’t b’lieve dat,” dazzle snapped. “didn’t he go off an’ jine de army at de fust off-startin’ of de war?”
“suttin he did!” hopey chuckled. “but how come? three nigger womens wus in dis town on de very same day; each one had a weddin’ license to marry skeeter butts—an’ you wus one of dem three womens! an’ whut did skeeter up an’ do?”
“he volunteered to jine de army.”
“shore! he wus forced to volunteer! don’t dat show he’s a coward an’ a ’fraid-cat?” hopey howled. “why didn’t he stay in tickfall like a brave man an’ marry dem three nigger womens?”
“he didn’t run because he wus skeart,” dazzle asserted in skeeter’s defense. “he jined de army because a lifelong war wid three nigger women wifes is too much of a muchness fer even a brave soldier like skeeter.”
“i wish dat mr. bill kaiser’s war had kotch him,” hopey growled disloyally. “i bet dem hunches would ’a’ throwed a skeer into skeeter dat mought ’a’ skeart all de skeer out of him.”
“skeeter wus a brave soldier,” dazzle repeated obstinately.
“soldier!” hopey repeated with a contemptuous sniff. “skeeter wusn’t nothin’ but a boot-black in de army, totin’ pink notes to de kunnel fer de lady folks.”
“skeeter told me dat him an’ de military kunnel looked fer mr. bill kaiser eve’ywhar,” dazzle informed her. “it wus mr. bill dat wus skeart of skeeter. he hid out, an’ skeeter couldn’t connect up wid him or find him nowhars. skeeter is a dangersome nigger.”
“skeeter wus jes’ tryin’ to locate mr. kaiser so he would know whut place to stay away from,” hopey growled. “he imagined he warn’t skeart of de hunches, but he warn’t aimin’ to let de hunches run him.”
“’tain’t so,” dazzle answered sharply. “i bet ef i wus in danger right now, skeeter would come up here an’ rescue me.”
“suttinly,” hopey grumbled. “fust-off, he’d break a leg runnin’ up to sheriff flournoy’s orfice to git de sheriff to he’p him, because he growed up in marse john’s house, an’ he is de sheriff’s little pet nigger. next-off, he’d git all de white folks an’ niggers in town and lead ’em up on dis hill. den he’d sneak aroun’ behime a tree an’ wait till de rookus wus over, an’ at de last he’d hop in an’ ack like he done it all!”
dazzle was angry. she glared at hopey with fine rage, and tried to think of something to say that would crush the fat woman flat. but nothing but a falling planet would ever flatten hopey, so that young colored actress with several histrionic manifestations of intense indignation flounced out of the room, followed by the exasperating chuckles of the victorious hopey prophet.
in the rear hallway dazzle paused at sight of the telephone. her milk-white teeth gnawed at her lower lip as she debated something in her mind. then, with an air of decision, she sat down at the desk and lifted the receiver from the hook.
“central, i wants to talk to de hen-scratch saloon, please, ma’am!”
after a moment’s wait something popped in her ear, and a voice spoke: “hello!”
“is dat you, skeeter butts? listen! dis here am dazzle zenor. i’s at marse tom gaitskill’s home wid hopey prophet. somebody is tryin’ to bu’st in dis house an’ rob it——”
a squealing shriek sounded so sharply in dazzle’s ear that she jerked her head away from the receiver, ceased speaking, and waited until the vocal disturbances had subsided.
“dey is tryin’ to bu’st in de front door, skeeter!” dazzle told him. “me an’ hopey lef’ de kitchen door onlocked so vinegar atts could come in when he got back. ef dem robbers goes aroun’ to de back side de house, dey’ll shore git in. come up here right away an’ rescue us!”
a squealing interrogation sounded through the phone, and dazzle smiled as she answered:
“dar ain’t more’n seven robbers, skeeter. but you kin lick ’em like you done in de army. don’t git skeart!”
although skeeter’s reply was not intelligible, his shrieking voice, in reply, was audible even in the drawing-room, where hopey sat shaking like a jelly-bowl with laughter.
“come all alone by yo’se’f, skeeter!” dazzle implored him. “us don’t want no crowd up here an’ no excitemunt. don’t tell no white folks!”
dazzle paused to listen to a few more excited squawkings from the telephone, then she commanded:
“come by yo’se’f, an’ come in a hurry, befo’ i gits kilt! fer gawd’s sake, hurry, skeeter!”
she left the telephone and entered the room where hopey sat, smiling with great satisfaction.
“you done played a fool now!” hopey told her.
dazzle preened herself before a mirror in preparation for skeeter’s arrival.
“skeeter’s comin’, hopey,” dazzle giggled. “’tain’t no matter how big a coward a feller is, he’s afraid to cornfess dat he’s a ’fraid-cat!”
