frances remembered little of the journey after it was over, though she was keenly conscious of everything at the time, if there can be any keen consciousness of a thing which is all vague, which conveys no clear idea. through the darkness of the night, which came on before she had left the coast she knew, with all those familiar towns gleaming out as she passed—mentone, monaco on its headland, the sheltering bays which keep so warm and bright those cities of sickness, of idleness, and pleasure—the palms, the olives, the oranges, the aloe hedges, the roses and heliotropes—there was a confused and breathless sweep of distance, half in the dark, half in the light, the monotonous plains, the lines of poplars, the straight highroads of france. paris, where they stayed for a night, was only like a bigger,{v2-81} noisier, vast railway station, to frances. she had no time, in the hurry of her journey, in the still greater hurry of her thoughts, to realise that here was the scene of that dread revolution of which she had read with shuddering excitement—that she was driven past the spot where the guillotine was first set up, and through the streets where the tumbrels had rolled, carrying to that dread death the many tender victims, who were all she knew of that great convulsion of history. markham, who was so good to her, put his head out of the carriage and pointed to a series of great windows flashing with light. “what a pity there’s no time!” he said. she asked “for what?” with the most complete want of comprehension. “for shopping, of course,” he said, with a laugh. for shopping! she seemed to be unacquainted with the meaning of the words. in the midst of this strange wave of the unknown which was carrying her away, carrying her to a world more unknown still, to suppose that she could pause and think of shopping! the inappropriateness of the suggestion bewildered frances. markham, indeed, alto{v2-82}gether bewildered her. he was very good to her, attending to her comfort, watchful over her needs in a way which she could not have imagined possible. her father had never been unkind; but it did not occur to him to take care of her. it was she who took care of him. if there was anything forgotten, it was she who got the blame; and when he wanted a book, or his writing-desk, or a rug to put over his knees, he called to his little girl to hand it to him, without the faintest conception that there was anything incongruous in it. and there was nothing incongruous in it. if there is any one in the world whom it is natural to send on your errands, to get you what you want, surely your child is that person. waring did not think on the subject, but simply did so by instinct, by nature; and equally by instinct frances obeyed, without a doubt that it was her simplest duty. if markham had said, “get me my book, frances; dear child, just open that bag—hand me so-and-so,” she would have considered it the most natural thing in the world. what he did do surprised her much more. he tripped in and out of his seat at her smallest suggestion.{v2-83} he pulled up and down the window at her pleasure, never appearing to think that it mattered whether he liked it or not. he took her out carefully on his arm, and made her dine, not asking what she would have, as her father might perhaps have done, but bringing her the best that was to be had, choosing what she should eat, serving her as if she had been the queen! it contributed to the dizzying effect of the rapid journey that she should thus have been placed in a position so different from any that she had ever known.
and then there came the last stage, the strange leaden-grey stormy sea, which was so unlike those blue ripples that came up just so far—no farther, on the beach at bordighera. she began to understand what is said in the bible about the waves that mount up like mountains, when she saw the roll of the channel. she had always a little wondered what that meant. to be sure, there were storms now and then along the riviera, when the blue edge to the sea-mantle disappeared, and all became a deep purple, solemn enough for a king’s pall, as it has been the pall of so{v2-84} many a brave man; but even that was never like the dangerous threatening lash of the waves along those rocks, and the way in which they raised their awful heads. and was that england, white with a faint line of green, so sodden and damp as it looked, rising out of the sea? the heart of frances sank: it was not like her anticipations. she had thought there would be something triumphant, grand, about the aspect of england—something proud, like a monarch of the sea; and it was only a damp, greyish-white line, rising not very far out of those sullen waves. an east wind was blowing with that blighting greyness which here, in the uttermost parts of the earth, we are so well used to: and it was cold. a gleam of pale sun indeed shot out of the clouds from time to time; but there was no real warmth in it, and the effect of everything was depressing. the green fields and hedgerows cheered her a little; but it was all damp, and the sky was grey. and then came london, with a roar and noise as if they had fallen into a den of wild beasts, and throngs, multitudes of people at every little station{v2-85} which the quick train flashed past, and on the platform, where at last she arrived dizzy and faint with fatigue and wonderment. but markham always was more kind than words could say. he sympathised with her, seeing her forlorn looks at everything. he did not ask her how she liked it, what she thought of her native country. when they arrived at last, he found out miraculously, among the crowd of carriages, a quiet, little, dark-coloured brougham, and put her into it. “we’ll trundle off home,” he said, “you and i, fan, and let john look after the things; you are so tired you can scarcely speak.”
“not so much tired,” said frances, and tried to smile, but could not say any more.
“i understand.” he took her hand into his with the kindest caressing touch. “you mustn’t be frightened, my dear. there’s nothing to be frightened about. you’ll like my mother. perhaps it was silly of me to say that, and make you cry. don’t cry, fan, or i shall cry too. i am the foolishest little beggar, you know, and always do what my companions do. don’t make a fool of your old brother, my dear.{v2-86} there, look out and see what a beastly place old london is, fan.”
“don’t call me fan,” she cried, this slight irritation affording her an excuse for disburdening herself of some of the nervous excitement in her. “call me frances, markham.”
“life’s too short for a name in two syllables. i’ve got two syllables myself, that’s true; but many fellows call me mark, and you are welcome to, if you like. no; i shall call you fan; you must make up your mind to it. did you ever see such murky heavy air? it isn’t air at all—it’s smoke, and animalculæ, and everything that’s dreadful. it’s not like that blue stuff on the riviera, is it?”
“oh no!” cried frances, with fervour. “but i suppose london is better for some things,” she added with a doubtful voice.
“better! it’s better than any other place on the face of the earth; it’s the only place to live in,” said markham. “why, child, it is paradise,”—he paused a moment, and then added, “with pandemonium next door.”
“markham!” the girl cried.
“i was wrong to mention such a place in{v2-87} your hearing. i know i was. never mind, fan; you shall see the one, and you shall know nothing about the other. why, here we are in eaton square.”
the door flashed open as soon as the carriage stopped, letting out a flood of light and warmth. markham almost lifted the trembling girl out. she had got her veil entangled about her head, her arms in the cloak which she had half thrown off. she was not prepared for this abrupt arrival. she seemed to see nothing but the light, to know nothing until she found herself suddenly in some one’s arms; then the light seemed to go out of her eyes. sight had nothing to do with the sensation, the warmth, the softness, the faint rustle, the faint perfume, with which she was suddenly encircled; and for a few moments she knew nothing more.
“dear, dear, markham, i hope she is not delicate—i hope she is not given to fainting,” she heard in a disturbed but pleasant voice, before she felt able to open her eyes.
“not a bit,” said markham’s familiar tones. “she’s overdone, and awfully anxious about meeting you.{v2-88}”
“my poor dear! why should she be anxious about meeting me?” said the other voice, a voice round and soft, with a plaintive tone in it; and then there came the touch of a pair of lips, soft and caressing like the voice, upon the girl’s cheek. she did not yet open her eyes, half because she could not, half because she would not, but whispered in a faint little tentative utterance, “mother!” wondering vaguely whether the atmosphere round her, the kiss, the voice, was all the mother she was to know.
“my poor little baby, my little girl! open your eyes. markham, i want to see the colour of her eyes.”
“as if i could open her eyes for you!” cried markham with a strange outburst of sound, which, if he had been a woman, might have meant crying, but must have been some sort of a laugh, since he was a man. he seemed to walk away, and then came back again. “come, fan, that’s enough. open your eyes, and look at us. i told you there was nothing to be frightened for.”
and then frances raised herself; for, to her{v2-89} astonishment, she was lying down upon a sofa, and looked round her, bewildered. beside her stood a little lady, about her own height, with smooth brown hair like hers, with her hands clasped, just as frances was aware she had herself a custom of clasping her hands. it began to dawn upon her that constance had said she was very like mamma. this new-comer was beautifully dressed in soft black satin, that did not rustle—that was far, far too harsh a word—but swept softly about her with the faintest pleasant sound; and round her breathed that atmosphere which frances felt would mean mother to her for ever and ever,—an air that was infinitely soft, with a touch in it of some sweetness. oh, not scent! she rejected the word with disdain—something, nothing, the atmosphere of a mother. in the curious ecstasy in which she was, made up of fatigue, wonder, and the excitement of this astounding plunge into the unknown, that was how she felt.
“let me look at you, my child. i can’t think of her as a grown girl, markham. don’t you know she is my baby. she has never{v2-90} grown up, like the rest of you, to me. oh, did you never wish for me, little frances? did you never want your mother, my darling? often, often, i have lain awake in the night and cried for you.”
“oh mamma!” cried frances, forgetting her shyness, throwing herself into her mother’s arms. the temptation to tell her that she had never known anything about her mother, to excuse herself at her father’s expense, was strong. but she kept back the words that were at her lips. “i have always wanted this all my life,” she cried, with a sudden impulse, and laid her head upon her mother’s breast, feeling in all the commotion and melting of her heart a consciousness of the accessories, the rich softness of the satin, the delicate perfume, all the details of the new personality by which her own was surrounded on every side.
“now i see,” cried the new-found mother, “it was no use parting this child and me, markham. it is all the same between us—isn’t it, my darling?—as if we had always been together—all the same in a moment. come up-stairs now, if you feel able, dear one.{v2-91} do you think, markham, she is able to walk up-stairs?”
“oh, quite able; oh, quite, quite well. it was only for a moment. i was—frightened, i think.”
“but you will never be frightened any more,” said lady markham, drawing the girl’s arm through her own, leading her away. frances was giddy still, and stumbled as she went, though she had pledged herself never to be frightened again. she went in a dream up the softly carpeted stairs. she knew what handsome rooms were, the lofty bare grandeur of an italian palazzo; but all this carpeting and cushioning, the softness, the warmth, the clothed and comfortable look, bewildered her. she could scarcely find her way through the drawing-room, crowded with costly furniture, to the blazing fire, by the side of which stood the tea-table, like, and yet how unlike, that anxious copy of english ways which frances had set up in the loggia. she was conscious, with a momentary gleam of complacency, that her cups and saucers were better, though! not belonging to an ordinary modern set, like{v2-92} these; but, alas, in everything else how far short! then she was taken up-stairs, through—as she thought—the sumptuous arrangements of her mother’s room, to another smaller, which opened from it, and in which there was the same wealth of carpets, curtains, easy-chairs, and writing-tables, in addition to the necessary details of a sleeping-room. frances looked round it admiringly. she knew nothing about the modern-artistic, though something, a very little, about old art. the painted ceilings and old gilding of the palazzo—which she began secretly and obstinately to call home from this moment forth—were intelligible to her; but she was quite unacquainted with mr morris’s papers and the art fabrics from liberty’s. she looked at them with admiration, but doubt. she thought the walls “killed” the pictures that were hung round, which were not like her own little gallery at home, which she had left with a little pang to her sister. “is this constance’s room?” she asked timidly, called back to a recollection of constance, and wondering whether the transfer was to be complete.
“no, my love; it is frances’ room,” said{v2-93} lady markham. “it has always been ready for you. i expected you to come some time. i have always hoped that; but i never thought that con would desert me.” her voice faltered a little, which instantly touched frances’ heart.
“i asked,” she said, “not just out of curiosity, but because, when she came to us, i gave her my room. our rooms are not like these; they have very few things in them. there are no carpets; it is warmer there, you know; but i thought she would find the blue room so bare, i gave her mine.”
lady markham smiled upon her, and said, but with a faint, the very faintest indication of being less interested than frances was, “you have not many visitors, i suppose?”
“oh, none!” cried frances. “i suppose we are—rather poor. we are not—like this.”
“my darling, you don’t know how to speak to me, your own mother! what do you mean, dear, by we? you must learn to mean something else by we. your father, if he had chosen, might have had—all that you see, {v2-94}and more. and constance—— but we will say nothing more to-night on that subject. this is con’s room, see, on the other side of mine. it was always my fancy, my hope, some time to have my two girls, one on each side.”
frances followed her mother to the room on the other side with great interest. it was still more luxurious than the one appropriated to herself—more comfortable, as a room which has been occupied, which shows traces of its tenant’s tastes and likings, must naturally be; and it was brighter, occupying the front of the house, while that of frances’ looked to the side. she glanced round at all the fittings and decorations, which, to her unaccustomed eyes, were so splendid. “poor constance!” she said under her breath.
“why do you say poor constance?” said lady markham, with something sharp and sudden in her tone. and then she, too, said regretfully, “poor con! you think it will be disappointing to her, this other life which she has chosen. was it—dreary for you, my poor child?”
then there rose up in the tranquil mind of{v2-95} frances a kind of tempest-blast of opposition and resentment. “it is the only life i know—it was—everything i liked best,” she cried. the first part of the sentence was very firmly, almost aggressively said. in the second, she wavered, hesitated, changed the tense—it was. she did not quite know herself what the change meant.
lady markham looked at her with a penetrating gaze. “it was—everything you knew, my little frances. i understand you, my dear. you will not be disloyal to the past. but to constance, who does not know it, who knows something else—— poor con! i understand. but she will have to pay for her experience, like all the rest.”
frances had been profoundly agitated, but in the way of happiness. she did not feel happy now. she felt disposed to cry, not because of the relief of tears, but because she did not know how else to express the sense of contrariety, of disturbance that had got into her mind. was it that already a wrong note had sounded between herself and this unknown mother, whom it had been a rapture to see{v2-96} and touch? or was it only that she was tired? lady markham saw the condition into which her nerves and temper were strained. she took her back tenderly into her room. “my dear,” she said, “if you would rather not, don’t change your dress. do just as you please to-night. i would stay and help you, or i would send josephine, my maid, to help you; but i think you will prefer to be left alone and quiet.”
“oh yes,” cried frances with fervour; then she added hastily, “if you do not think me disagreeable to say so.”
“i am not prepared to think anything in you disagreeable, my dear,” said her mother, kissing her—but with a sigh. this sigh frances echoed in a burst of tears when the door closed and she found herself alone—alone, quite alone, more so than she had ever been in her life, she whispered to herself, in the shock of the unreasonable and altogether fantastic disappointment which had followed her ecstasy of pleasure. most likely it meant nothing at all but the reaction from that too highly raised level of feeling.{v2-97}
“no; i am not disappointed,” lady markham was saying down-stairs. she was standing before the genial blaze of the fire, looking into it with her head bent and a serious expression on her face. “perhaps i was too much delighted for a moment; but she, poor child, now that she has looked at me a second time, she is a little, just a little disappointed in me. that’s rather hard for a mother, you know; or i suppose you don’t know.”
“i never was a mother,” said markham. “i should think it’s very natural. the little thing has been forming the most romantic ideas. if you had been an angel from heaven——”
“which i am not,” she said with a smile, still looking into the fire.
“heaven be praised,” said markham. “in that case, you would not have suited me—which you do, mammy, you know, down to the ground.”
she gave a half glance at him, a half smile, but did not disturb the chain of her reflections. “that’s something, markham,” she said.
{v2-98}
“yes; it’s something. on my side, it is a great deal. don’t go too fast with little fan. she has a deal in her. have a little patience, and let her settle down her own way.”
“i don’t feel sure that she has not got her father’s temper; i saw something like it in her eyes.”
“that is nonsense, begging your pardon. she has got nothing of her father in her eyes. her eyes are like yours, and so is everything about her. my dear mother, con’s like waring, if you like. this one is of our side of the house.”
“do you really think so?” lady markham looked up now and laid her hand affectionately upon his shoulder, and laughed. “but, my dear boy, you are as like the markhams as you can look. on my side of the house, there is nobody at all, unless, as you say——”
“frances,” said the little man. “i told you—the best of the lot. i took to her in a moment by that very token. therefore, don’t go too fast with her, mother. she has her own {v2-99}notions. she is as stanch as a little—turk,” said markham, using the first word that offered. when he met his mother’s eye, he retired a little, with the air of a man who does not mean to be questioned; which naturally stimulated curiosity in her mind.
“how have you found out that she is stanch, markham?”
“oh, in half-a-dozen ways,” he answered, carelessly. “and she will stick to her father through thick and thin, so mind what you say.”
then lady markham began to bemoan herself a little gently, before the fire, in the most luxurious of easy-chairs.
“was ever woman in such a position,” she said, “to be making acquaintance, for the first time, at eighteen, with my own daughter—and to have to pick my words and to be careful what i say?”
“well, mammy,” said markham, “it might have been worse. let us make the best of it. he has always kept his word, which is something, and has never annoyed you. and it is quite a nice thing for con to have him to go{v2-100} to, to find out how dull it is, and know her own mind. and now we’ve got the other one too.”
lady markham still rocked herself a little in her chair, and put her handkerchief to her eyes. “for all that, it is very hard, both on her and me,” she said.
