it was natural that this occurrence should take a great hold of the girl’s mind. it was not the first time that she had speculated concerning their life. a life which one has always lived, indeed, the conditions of which have been familiar and inevitable since childhood, is not a matter which awakens questions in the mind. however extraordinary its conditions may be, they are natural—they are life to the young soul which has had no choice in the matter. still there are curiosities which will arise. general gaunt foamed at the mouth when he talked of the way in which he had been treated by the people “at home”; but still he went “home” in the summer as a matter of course. and as for the durants, it was a subject of the fondest consideration with them when they{v1-61} could afford themselves that greatest of delights. they all talked about the cold, the fogs, the pleasure of getting back to the sunshine when they returned; but this made no difference in the fact that to go home was their thought all the year, and the most salient point in their lives. “why do we never go home?” frances had often asked herself. and both these families, and all the people to whom she had ever talked, the strangers who went and came, and those whom they met in the rambles which the warings, too, were forced to take in the hot weather, when the mistral was blowing—talked continually of their county, of their parish, of their village, of where they lived, and where they had been born. but on these points mr waring never said a word. and whereas mrs gaunt could talk of nothing but her family, who were scattered all over the world, and the durants met people they knew at every turn, the warings knew nobody, had no relations, no house at home, and apparently had been born nowhere in particular, as frances sometimes said to herself with more annoyance than humour. some{v1-62}times she wondered whether she had ever had a mother.
these thoughts, indeed, occurred but fitfully now and then, when some incident brought more forcibly than usual under her notice the difference between herself and others. she did not brood over them, her life being quite pleasant and comfortable to herself, and no necessity laid upon her to elucidate its dimnesses. but yet they came across her mind from time to time. she had not been brought face to face with any old friend of her father’s, that she could remember, until now. she had never heard any question raised about his past life. and yet no doubt he had a past life, like every other man, and there was something in it—something, she could not guess what, which had made him unlike other men.
frances had a great deal of self-command. she did not betray her agitation to her father; she did not ask him any questions; she told him about the greengrocer and the fisherman, these two important agents in the life of the riviera, and of what she had seen in the marina, even the savona pots; but she did{v1-63} not disturb his meal and his digestion by any reference to the english strangers. she postponed until she had time to think of it, all reference to this second meeting. she had by instinct made no reply to the question about where she lived; but she knew that there would be no difficulty in discovering that, and that her father might be subject at any moment to invasion by this old acquaintance, whom he had evidently no desire to see. what should she do? the whole matter wanted thought. whether she should ask him what to do; whether she should take it upon herself; whether she should disclose to him her newborn curiosity and anxiety, or conceal them in her own bosom; whether she should tell him frankly what she felt—that she was worthy to be trusted, and that it was the right of his only child to be prepared for all emergencies, and to be acquainted with her family and her antecedents, if not with his,—all these were things to be thought over. surely she had a right, if any one had a right. but she would not stand upon that.
she sat by herself all day and thought, put{v1-64}ting forward all the arguments on either side. if there was, as there might be, something wrong in that past—something guilty, which might make her look on her father with different eyes, he had a right to be silent, and she no right, none whatever, to insist upon such a revelation. and what end would it serve? if she had relations or a family from whom she had been separated, would not the revelation fill her with eager desire to know them, and open a fountain of dissatisfaction and discontent in her life if she were not permitted to do so? would she not chafe at the banishment if she found out that somewhere there was a home, that she had “belongings” like all the rest of the world? these were little feeble barriers which she set up against the strong tide of consciousness in her that she was to be trusted, that she ought to know. whatever it was, and however she might bear it, was it not true that she ought to know? she was not a fool or a child. frances knew that her eighteen years had brought more experience, more sense to her, than tasie’s forty; that she was capable of understanding, capable{v1-65} of keeping a secret—and was it not her own secret, the explanation of the enigma of her life as well as of his?
this course of reflection went on in her mind until the evening, and it was somewhat quickened by a little conversation which she had in the afternoon with the servants. domenico was going out. it was early in the afternoon, the moment of leisure, when one meal with all its responsibilities was over, and the second great event of the day, the dinner, not yet imminent. it was the hour when mariuccia sat in the ante-room and did her sewing, her mending, her knitting—whatever was wanted. this was a large and lofty room—not very light, with a great window looking out only into the court of the palazzo—in which stood a long table and a few tall chairs. the smaller ante-room, from which the long suite of rooms opened on either side, communicated with this, as did also the corridor, which ran all the length of the house, and the kitchen and its appendages on the other side. there is always abundance of space of this kind in every old italian house. here mariuccia established her{v1-66}self whenever she was free to leave her cooking and her kitchen-work. she was a comely middle-aged woman, with a dark gown, a white apron, a little shawl on her shoulders, large earrings, and a gold cross at her neck, which was a little more visible than is common with englishwomen of her class. her hair was crisp and curly, and never had been covered with anything, save, when she went to church, a shawl or veil; and mariuccia’s olive complexion and ruddy tint feared no encounter of the sun. domenico was tall, and spare, and brown, a grave man with little jest in him; but his wife was always ready to laugh. he came out hat in hand while frances stood by the table inspecting mariuccia’s work. “i am going out,” he said; “and this is the hour when the english gentlefolks pay visits. see that thou remember what the padrone said.”
“what did the padrone say?” cried frances, pricking up her ears.
“signorina, it was to my wife i was speaking,” said domenico.
“that i understand; but i wish to know as well. was papa expecting a visit? what did he say?{v1-67}”
“the padrone himself will tell the signorina,” said domenico, “all that is intended for her. some things are for the servants, some for the family; mariuccia knows what i mean.”
“you are an ass, ’menico,” said his wife, calmly. “why shouldn’t the dear child know? it is nothing to be concerned about, my soul—only that the padrone does not receive, and again that he does not receive, and that he never receives. i must repeat this till the ave maria, if necessary, till the strangers accept it and go away.”
“are these special orders?” said frances, “or has it always been so? i don’t think that it has always been so.”
domenico had gone out while his wife was speaking, with a half-threatening and wholly disapproving look, as if he would not involve himself in the responsibility which mariuccia had taken upon her.
“carina, don’t trouble yourself about it. it has always been so in the spirit, if not in the letter,” said mariuccia. “figure to yourself domenico or me letting in any one, any one that chose to come, to disturb the signor pa{v1-68}drone! that would be impossible. it appears, however, that there is some one down there in the hotels to whom the padrone has a great objection, greater than to the others. it is no secret, nothing to trouble you. but ’menico, though he is a good man, is not very wise. che! you know that as well as i.”
“and what will you do if this gentleman will not pay any attention—if he comes in all the same? the english don’t understand what it means when you say you do not receive. you must say he is not in; he has gone out; he is not at home.”
“che! che! che!” cried mariuccia; “little deceiver! but that would be a lie.”
frances shook her head. “yes; i suppose so,” she said, with a troubled look; “but if you don’t say it, the englishman will come in all the same.”
“he will come in, then, over my body,” cried mariuccia with a cheerful laugh, standing square and solid against the door.
this gave the last impulse to frances’ thoughts. she could not go on with her study of the palms. she sat with her pencil{v1-69} in her hand, and the colour growing dry, thinking all the afternoon through. it was very certain, then, that her father would not expose himself to another meeting with the strangers who called themselves his friends—innocent people who would not harm any one, frances was sure. they were tourists—that was evident; and they might be vulgar—that was possible. but she was sure that there was no harm in them. it could only be that her father was resolute to shut out his past, and let no one know what had been. this gave her an additional impulse, instead of discouragement. if it was so serious, and he so determined, then surely there must be something that she, his only child, ought to know. she waited till the evening with a gradually growing excitement; but not until after dinner, after the soothing cigarette, which he puffed so slowly and luxuriously in the loggia, did she venture to speak. then the day was over. it could not put him out, or spoil his appetite, or risk his digestion. to be sure, it might interfere with his sleep; but after consideration, frances did not think that a very{v1-70} serious matter, probably because she had never known what it was to pass a wakeful night. she began, however, with the greatest caution and care.
“papa,” she said, “i want to consult you about something tasie was saying.”
“ah! that must be something very serious, no doubt.”
“not serious, perhaps; but—— she wants to teach me to play.”
“to play! what? croquet? or whist, perhaps? i have always heard she was excellent at both.”
“these are games, papa,” said frances, with a touch of severity. “she means the piano, which is very different.”
“ah!” said mr waring, taking the cigarette from his lips and sending a larger puff of smoke into the dim air; “very different indeed, frances. it is anything but a game to hear miss tasie play.”
“she says,” continued frances, with a certain constriction in her throat, “that every lady is expected to play—to play a little at least, even if she has not much taste for it.{v1-71} she thinks when we go home—that all our relations will be so surprised——”
she stopped, having no breath to go further, and watched as well as she could, through the dimness and through the mist of agitation in her own eyes, her father’s face. he made no sign; he did not disturb even the easy balance of his foot, stretched out along the pavement. after another pause, he said in the same indifferent tone, “as we are not going home, and as you have no relations in particular, i don’t think your friend’s argument is very strong. do you?”
“o papa, i don’t want indeed to be inquisitive or trouble you, but i should like to know!”
“what?” he said, with the same composure. “if i think that a lady, whether she has any musical taste or not, ought to play? well, that is a very simple question. i don’t, whatever miss tasie may say.”
“it is not that,” frances said, regaining a little control of herself. “i said i did not know of any relations we had. but tasie said there must be cousins; we must have{v1-72} cousins—everybody has cousins. that is true, is it not?”
“in most cases, certainly,” mr waring said; “and a great nuisance too.”
“i don’t think it would be a nuisance to have people about one’s own age, belonging to one—not strangers—people who were interested in you, to whom you could say anything. brothers and sisters, that would be the best; but cousins—i think, papa, cousins would be very nice.”
“i will tell you, if you like, of one cousin you have,” her father said.
the heart of frances swelled as if it would leap out of her breast. she put her hands together, turning full round upon him in an attitude of supplication and delight. “o papa!” she cried with enthusiasm, breathless for his next word.
“certainly, if you wish it, frances. he is in reality your first-cousin. he is fifty. he is a great sufferer from gout. he has lived so well in the early part of his life, that he is condemned to slops now, and spends most of his time in an easy-chair. he has the temper of a demon, and swears at everybody that comes near him. he{v1-73} is very red in the face, very bleared about the eyes, very——”
“o papa!” she cried, in a very different tone. she was so much disappointed, that the sudden downfall had almost a physical effect upon her, as if she had fallen from a height. her father laughed softly while she gathered all her strength together to regain command of herself, and the laugh had a jarring effect upon her nerves, of which she had never been conscious till now.
“i don’t suppose that he would care much whether you played the piano or not; or that you would care much, my dear, what he thought.”
“for all that, papa,” said frances, recovering herself, “it is a little interesting to know there is somebody, even if he is not at all what one thought. where does he live, and what is his name? that will give me one little landmark in england, where there is none now.”
“not a very reasonable satisfaction,” said her father lazily, but without any other reply. “in my life, i have always found relations a nuisance. happy are they who have none; and next best is to cast them off and do without them. as{v1-74} a matter of fact, it is every one for himself in this world.”
frances was silenced, though not convinced. she looked with some anxiety at the outline of her father’s spare and lengthy figure laid out in the basket-chair, one foot moving slightly, which was a habit he had, the whole extended in perfect rest and calm. he was not angry, he was not disturbed. the questions which she had put with so much mental perturbation had not affected him at all. she felt that she might dare further without fear.
“when i was out to-day,” she said, faltering a little, “i met—that gentleman again.”
“ah!” said mr waring—no more; but he ceased to shake his foot, and turned towards her the merest hair’s-breadth, so little that it was impossible to say he had moved, and yet there was a change.
“and the lady,” said frances, breathless. “i am sure they wanted to be kind. they asked me a great many questions.”
he gave a faint laugh, but it was not without a little quiver in it. “what a good thing that you could not answer them!” he said.{v1-75}
“do you think so, papa? i was rather unhappy. it looked as if you could not trust me. i should have been ashamed to say i did not know; which is the truth—for i know nothing, not so much as where i was born!” cried the girl. “it is very humiliating, when you are asked about your own father, to say you don’t know. so i said it was time for breakfast, and you would be waiting; and ran away.”
“the best thing you could have done, my dear. discretion in a woman, or a girl, is always the better part of valour. i think you got out of it very cleverly,” mr waring said.
and that was all. he did not seem to think another word was needed. he did not even rise and go away, as frances had known him to do when the conversation was not to his mind. she could not see his face, but his attitude was unchanged. he had recovered his calm, if there had ever been any disturbance of it. but as for frances, her heart was thumping against her breast, her pulses beating in her ears, her lips parched and dry. “i wish,” she cried, “oh, i wish you would tell me something, papa! do you think i would{v1-76} talk of things you don’t want talked about? i am not a child any longer; and i am not silly, as perhaps you think.”
“on the contrary, my dear,” said mr waring, “i think you are often very sensible.”
“papa! oh, how can you say that, how can you say such things—and then leave me as if i were a baby, knowing nothing!”
“my dear,” he said (with the sound of a smile in his voice, she thought to herself), “you are very hard to please. must not i say that you are sensible? i think it is the highest compliment i can pay you.”
“o papa!” disappointment, and mortification, and the keen sense of being fooled, which is so miserable to the young, took her very breath away. the exasperation with which we discover that not only is no explanation, no confidence to be given us, but the very occasion for it ignored, and our anxiety baffled by a smile—a mortification to which women are so often subject—flooded her being. she had hard ado not to burst into angry tears, not to betray the sense of cruelty and injustice which overwhelmed her; but who could have seen any{v1-77} injustice or cruelty in the gentleness of his tone, his soft reply? frances subdued herself as best she could in her dark corner of the loggia, glad at least that he could not see the spasm that passed over her, the acute misery and irritation of her spirit. it would be strange if he did not divine something of what was going on within her: but he took no notice. he began in the same tone, as if one theme was quite as important as the other, to remark upon the unusual heaviness of the clouds which hid the moon. “if we were in england, i should say there was a storm brewing,” he said. “even here, i think we shall have some rain. don’t you feel that little creep in the air, something sinister, as if there was a bad angel about? and domenico, i see, has brought the lamp. i vote we go in.”
“are there any bad angels?” she cried, to give her impatience vent.
he had risen up, and stood swaying indolently from one foot to the other. “bad angels? oh yes,” he said; “abundance; very different from devils, who are honest—like the fiends in the pictures, unmistakable. the others, you know, deceive. don’t you remember?{v1-78}—
‘how there looked him in the face
an angel beautiful and bright;
and how he knew it was a fiend,
that miserable knight.’”
he turned and went into the salone, repeating these words in an undertone to himself. but there was in his face none of the bitterness or horror with which they must have been said by one who had ever in his own person made that discovery. he was quite calm, meditative, marking with a slight intonation and movement of his head the cadence of the poetry.
frances stayed behind in the darkness. she had not the practice which we acquire in later life; she could not hide the excitement which was still coursing through her veins. she went to the corner of the loggia which was nearest the sea, and caught in her face the rush of the rising breeze, which flung at her the first drops of the coming rain. a storm on that soft coast is a welcome break in the monotony of the clear skies and unchanging calm. after a while her father called to her that the rain was coming in, that the windows must be shut; and she hurried in, brushing by domenico, who had come to close everything up, and who looked{v1-79} at her reproachfully as she rushed past him. she came behind her father’s chair and leaned over to kiss him. “i have got a little wet, and i think i had better go to bed,” she said.
“yes, surely, if you wish it, my dear,” said mr waring. something moist had touched his forehead, which was too warm to be rain. he waited politely till she had gone before he wiped it off. it was the edge of a tear, hot, miserable, full of anger as well as pain, which had made that mark upon his high white forehead. it made him pause for a minute or two in his reading. “poor little girl!” he said, with a sigh. perhaps he was not so insensible as he seemed.
