funeral services bring the pastor into most tender and influential relations to the families of his congregation, but they are also among the most perplexing and difficult parts of his work. warm sympathy must here be combined with wise discretion, or he may destroy at the funeral the effect of his most faithful teaching in the pulpit. here i suggest:
1. ordinarily, it is better to avoid a formal sermon at funerals. it unnecessarily protracts the service, often to the serious discomfort of the people, while it overtasks the minister both in the preparation required and in the performance of the duty. in case of the death of some person occupying public station or official position in the church a sermon may be proper, but even then, it is usually better to deliver it on the following sunday in the church. sometimes also, in districts remote from the place of worship, where the people seldom hear preaching, there may be an advantage in a full sermon. but commonly a service at the house, brief, simple, tender, will secure the best results. this usually consists of the reading of a selection of scriptures, an address, and a prayer. singing is added, if desired by the bereaved family and singers are available.
[p. 107] 2. eulogies of the dead should be very sparingly indulged and should in no case be made a prominent feature. for much eulogy, even of confessedly good qualities in the deceased, will almost always provoke remembrance of any opposite qualities he may have had, and will thus fail of its object. besides, if eulogy forms a marked feature in a minister’s funeral addresses, the omission of it, when ministering at the funeral of one whom he cannot conscientiously eulogize, will be embarrassing to him, and will often give offense to the friends. an analysis of the character of the deceased at such a time is a very delicate and difficult task, and it should not be undertaken except in those comparatively rare cases where the character has been so conspicuous for its high qualities that the moral judgment of the community instinctively recognizes it as a fitting model. great care should be exercised, also, in regard to expressing, in the address or prayer, an opinion as to the spiritual character and destiny of the deceased. a minister, in the fervid sympathy evoked by the occasion, is sometimes betrayed into forms of expression such as only omniscience may rightfully use. it is, indeed, his right, at the interment of one whose christian character has been well attested, to assume that god’s promises have been fulfilled, and to speak gratefully and joyfully of the blessedness of the pious dead; but in so doing he should speak rather with the confidence of hope than with the assumption of an absolute knowledge of the secrets of the heart.
3. the subject-matter of the address will often be suggested by the special circumstances connected with the deceased or the occasion. apart from these, many general lines of thought will suggest themselves to the thoughtful pastor. of these the following may serve as [p. 108] hints: the fulness of power in the gospel to prepare for death, in its renewing, justifying, and sanctifying grace; the blessedness of the christian beyond death, as admitted into the immediate presence of christ and into the purity and associations of that holy place where he dwelleth; the glorious resurrection of the dead as the completing act of redeeming power and the ultimate goal of the christian course; the certainty of the christian’s hope, as based on the promises of an unchanging god, contrasted with the uncertainty of all earthly expectations. or special phases of truth and sources of consolation may be presented in the informal development of some passage of scripture. thus: the sympathy of christ with the sorrowing, as seen at the grave of lazarus and on other occasions; the certainty that affliction is not accidental but is ordered in the infinite love and wisdom of god; the compassion and tenderness of god, as seen in that he doth not afflict willingly; the high and blessed results he intends in affliction; the brevity of earthly sorrow and the eternity of heavenly joy. subjects adapted to such occasions will continually suggest themselves to a pastor who is in living, personal sympathy with his congregation; and it is wise to note them down as they occur and carefully preserve them. at the funeral of an unconverted person the selection of a subject is sometimes difficult; for here the minister, while he must needs be a “son of consolation” to the bereaved, is also under obligation to be faithful to the gospel and to the souls of men. he may not suggest, even by implication, a hope respecting the deceased which neither his sober judgment nor the truths he preaches allow him to feel; nor may he pursue a line of remark adapted to weaken a conviction of the solemn truth that a personal acceptance [p. 109] of christ and a humble following of him in this life are absolutely essential to salvation; for in so doing he would be inconsistent and untruthful. it is equally evident, also, that in such a service, where he stands as a minister of consolation, it is not his duty to aggravate the sorrow of the bereaved by specially emphasizing the fearful doom of the unbeliever. perhaps the general course of thought for such occasions would be found in topics which relate to the brevity and uncertainty of life; the way of salvation in the gospel; the rectitude and tenderness of god’s providence; the refuge for the afflicted in the sympathy and salvation of christ—topics which, while necessitating no allusion to the spiritual character and state of the deceased, yet afford ample scope for presenting the nature and urgencies of the gospel and the true sources of consolation for the bereaved. whatever the topic, the spirit and manner should be dictated and pervaded by a genuine sympathy for the sorrowing, and a hearty appreciation of whatever was excellent in the character and life of the deceased. though not a christian, he may have been a valuable citizen, a just and generous man, a true and unselfish friend, a good husband and father. if any personal remarks are made, such characteristics may properly be recognized on such an occasion as honoring his memory and rendering his death a loss to the world.
4. the service at the grave should ordinarily be brief, as the people are standing, and the circumstances of the place render an extended service undesirable. some pastors use here some one of the printed manuals of burial services, others read from scripture, or repeat from memory, a selection of passages relating to death, the grave, and the resurrection, and others make a [p. 110] brief address. whatever the method adopted, the service should be carefully prepared, and should vary in its form, in order to secure in this, as in all services, variety and adaptation to the occasion. the service is closed by the apostolic benediction, prefaced sometimes by a few words of prayer.
5. it is desirable to visit the family in which death has occurred before the funeral services, both to express your sympathy in the affliction and to learn any facts respecting the deceased and the arrangements for the funeral that may be necessary for you to know. the pastor should here have the character of an adviser and friend. in all arrangements for the funeral it is better, in general, to conform to the customs of the community; but so far as he may use influence in regard to these, it should be in favor of inexpensive simplicity and against ostentatious display. costliness and display at funerals constitute in many communities an evil of such serious proportions and consequences that the ministry should decidedly set their face against it; for, established as an inexorable custom, it often augments and perpetuates the sorrow of a death in the family by creating debt and pecuniary embarrassment which remain for years to come. it is also important to visit the family soon after the funeral to administer further consolation, and to follow up any good impressions which affliction has made. this is often one of the pastor’s best opportunities, as the heart is then tender and susceptible to religious influences. it is in these dark hours of adversity that the gospel is felt in its saving, consoling, helping power in the soul, and the pastor here should work with providence, carefully improving the opportunity.
