“i cannot think we have done exactly right in going out this evening, mademoiselle,” said charlotte, seating herself when she entered her apartment: “nay, i am sure it was not right; for i expected to be very happy, but was sadly disappointed.”
“it was your own fault, then,” replied mademoiselle: “for i am sure my cousin omitted nothing that could serve to render the evening agreeable.”
“true,” said charlotte: “but i thought the gentlemen were very free in their manner: i wonder you would suffer them to behave as they did.”
“prithee, don't be such a foolish little prude,” said the artful woman, affecting anger: “i invited you to go in hopes it would divert you, and be an agreeable change of scene; however, if your delicacy was hurt by the behaviour of the gentlemen, you need not go again; so there let it rest.”
“i do not intend to go again,” said charlotte, gravely taking off her bonnet, and beginning to prepare for bed: “i am sure, if madame du pont knew we had been out to-night, she would be very angry; and it is ten to one but she hears of it by some means or other.”
“nay, miss,” said la rue, “perhaps your mighty sense of propriety may lead you to tell her yourself: and in order to avoid the censure you would incur, should she hear of it by accident, throw the blame on me: but i confess i deserve it: it will be a very kind return for that partiality which led me to prefer you before any of the rest of the ladies; but perhaps it will give you pleasure,” continued she, letting fall some hypocritical tears, “to see me deprived of bread, and for an action which by the most rigid could only be esteemed an inadvertency, lose my place and character, and be driven again into the world, where i have already suffered all the evils attendant on poverty.”
this was touching charlotte in the most vulnerable part: she rose from her seat, and taking mademoiselle's hand—“you know, my dear la rue,” said she, “i love you too well, to do anything that would injure you in my governess's opinion: i am only sorry we went out this evening.”
“i don't believe it, charlotte,” said she, assuming a little vivacity; “for if you had not gone out, you would not have seen the gentleman who met us crossing the field; and i rather think you were pleased with his conversation.”
“i had seen him once before,” replied charlotte, “and thought him an agreeable man; and you know one is always pleased to see a person with whom one has passed several cheerful hours. but,” said she pausing, and drawing the letter from her pocket, while a gentle suffusion of vermillion tinged her neck and face, “he gave me this letter; what shall i do with it?”
“read it, to be sure,” returned mademoiselle.
“i am afraid i ought not,” said charlotte: “my mother has often told me, i should never read a letter given me by a young man, without first giving it to her.”
“lord bless you, my dear girl,” cried the teacher smiling, “have you a mind to be in leading strings all your life time. prithee open the letter, read it, and judge for yourself; if you show it your mother, the consequence will be, you will be taken from school, and a strict guard kept over you; so you will stand no chance of ever seeing the smart young officer again.”
“i should not like to leave school yet,” replied charlotte, “till i have attained a greater proficiency in my italian and music. but you can, if you please, mademoiselle, take the letter back to montraville, and tell him i wish him well, but cannot, with any propriety, enter into a clandestine correspondence with him.” she laid the letter on the table, and began to undress herself.
“well,” said la rue, “i vow you are an unaccountable girl: have you no curiosity to see the inside now? for my part i could no more let a letter addressed to me lie unopened so long, than i could work miracles: he writes a good hand,” continued she, turning the letter, to look at the superscription.
“'tis well enough,” said charlotte, drawing it towards her.
“he is a genteel young fellow,” said la rue carelessly, folding up her apron at the same time; “but i think he is marked with the small pox.”
“oh you are greatly mistaken,” said charlotte eagerly; “he has a remarkable clear skin and fine complexion.”
“his eyes, if i could judge by what i saw,” said la rue, “are grey and want expression.”
“by no means,” replied charlotte; “they are the most expressive eyes i ever saw.” “well, child, whether they are grey or black is of no consequence: you have determined not to read his letter; so it is likely you will never either see or hear from him again.”
charlotte took up the letter, and mademoiselle continued—
“he is most probably going to america; and if ever you should hear any account of him, it may possibly be that he is killed; and though he loved you ever so fervently, though his last breath should be spent in a prayer for your happiness, it can be nothing to you: you can feel nothing for the fate of the man, whose letters you will not open, and whose sufferings you will not alleviate, by permitting him to think you would remember him when absent, and pray for his safety.”
charlotte still held the letter in her hand: her heart swelled at the conclusion of mademoiselle's speech, and a tear dropped upon the wafer that closed it.
“the wafer is not dry yet,” said she, “and sure there can be no great harm—” she hesitated. la rue was silent. “i may read it, mademoiselle, and return it afterwards.”
“certainly,” replied mademoiselle.
“at any rate i am determined not to answer it,” continued charlotte, as she opened the letter.
here let me stop to make one remark, and trust me my very heart aches while i write it; but certain i am, that when once a woman has stifled the sense of shame in her own bosom, when once she has lost sight of the basis on which reputation, honour, every thing that should be dear to the female heart, rests, she grows hardened in guilt, and will spare no pains to bring down innocence and beauty to the shocking level with herself: and this proceeds from that diabolical spirit of envy, which repines at seeing another in the full possession of that respect and esteem which she can no longer hope to enjoy.
mademoiselle eyed the unsuspecting charlotte, as she perused the letter, with a malignant pleasure. she saw, that the contents had awakened new emotions in her youthful bosom: she encouraged her hopes, calmed her fears, and before they parted for the night, it was determined that she should meet montraville the ensuing evening.
