chawton (feb. 20, 1816).
my dearest fanny,—you are inimitable, irresistible. you are the delight of my life. such letters, such entertaining letters, as you have lately sent! such a description of your queer little heart! such a lovely display of what imagination does! you are worth your weight in gold, or even in the new silver coinage. i cannot express to you what i have felt in reading your history of yourself,—how full of pity and concern, and admiration and amusement i have been! you are the paragon of all that is silly and sensible, commonplace and eccentric, sad and lively, provoking and interesting. who can keep pace with the fluctuations of your fancy, the capprizios of your taste, the contradictions of your feelings? you are so odd, and all the time so perfectly natural!—so peculiar in yourself, and yet so like everybody else!
it is very, very gratifying to me to know you so intimately. you can hardly think what a pleasure it is to me to have such thorough pictures of[305] your heart. oh, what a loss it will be when you are married! you are too agreeable in your single state,—too agreeable as a niece. i shall hate you when your delicious play of mind is all settled down into conjugal and maternal affections.
mr. b—— frightens me. he will have you. i see you at the altar. i have some faith in mrs. c. cage's observation, and still more in lizzy's; and besides, i know it must be so. he must be wishing to attach you. it would be too stupid and too shameful in him to be otherwise; and all the family are seeking your acquaintance.
do not imagine that i have any real objection; i have rather taken a fancy to him than not, and i like the house for you. i only do not like you should marry anybody. and yet i do wish you to marry very much, because i know you will never be happy till you are; but the loss of a fanny knight will be never made up to me. my "affec. niece f. c. b——" will be but a poor substitute. i do not like your being nervous, and so apt to cry,—it is a sign you are not quite well; but i hope mr. scud—as you always write his name (your mr. scuds amuse me very much)—will do you good.
what a comfort that cassandra should be so recovered! it was more than we had expected. i can easily believe she was very patient and very good. i always loved cassandra for her fine dark[306] eyes and sweet temper. i am almost entirely cured of my rheumatism,—just a little pain in my knee now and then, to make me remember what it was, and keep on flannel. aunt cassandra nursed me so beautifully.
i enjoy your visit to goodnestone, it must be a great pleasure to you; you have not seen fanny cage in comfort so long. i hope she represents and remonstrates and reasons with you properly. why should you be living in dread of his marrying somebody else? (yet how natural!) you did not choose to have him yourself, why not allow him to take comfort where he can? in your conscience you know that he could not bear a companion with a more animated character. you cannot forget how you felt under the idea of its having been possible that he might have dined in hans place.
my dearest fanny, i cannot bear you should be unhappy about him. think of his principles; think of his father's objection, of want of money, etc., etc. but i am doing no good; no, all that i urge against him will rather make you take his part more,—sweet, perverse fanny.
and now i will tell you that we like your henry to the utmost, to the very top of the glass, quite brimful. he is a very pleasing young man. i do not see how he could be mended. he does really bid fair to be everything his father and sister[307] could wish; and william i love very much indeed, and so we do all; he is quite our own william. in short, we are very comfortable together; that is, we can answer for ourselves.
mrs. deedes is as welcome as may to all our benevolence to her son; we only lamented that we could not do more, and that the 50l. note we slipped into his hand at parting was necessarily the limit of our offering. good mrs. deedes! scandal and gossip; yes, i dare say you are well stocked, but i am very fond of mrs. —— for reasons good. thank you for mentioning her praise of "emma," etc.
i have contributed the marking to uncle h.'s shirts, and now they are a complete memorial of the tender regard of many.
friday.—i had no idea when i began this yesterday of sending it before your brother went back, but i have written away my foolish thoughts at such a rate that i will not keep them many hours longer to stare me in the face.
much obliged for the quadrilles, which i am grown to think pretty enough, though of course they are very inferior to the cotillons of my own day.
ben and anna walked here last sunday to hear uncle henry, and she looked so pretty, it was quite a pleasure to see her, so young and so blooming and so innocent, as if she had never had a wicked[308] thought in her life, which yet one has some reason to suppose she must have had, if we believe the doctrine of original sin. i hope lizzy will have her play very kindly arranged for her. henry is generally thought very good-looking, but not so handsome as edward. i think i prefer his face. wm. is in excellent looks, has a fine appetite, and seems perfectly well. you will have a great break up at godmersham in the spring. you must feel their all going. it is very right, however! poor miss c.! i shall pity her when she begins to understand herself.
your objection to the quadrilles delighted me exceedingly. pretty well, for a lady irrecoverably attached to one person! sweet fanny, believe no such thing of yourself, spread no such malicious slander upon your understanding within the precincts of your imagination. do not speak ill of your sense merely for the gratification of your fancy; yours is sense which deserves more honorable treatment. you are not in love with him; you never have been really in love with him.
yours very affectionately,
j. austen.
miss knight,
godmersham park, faversham, kent.
