half an hour before the ball, grushnitski presented himself to me in the full splendour of the uniform of the line infantry. attached to his third button was a little bronze chain, on which hung a double lorgnette. epaulettes of incredible size were bent backwards and upwards in the shape of a cupid’s wings; his boots creaked; in his left hand he held cinnamon-coloured kid gloves and a forage-cap, and with his right he kept every moment twisting his frizzled tuft of hair up into tiny curls. complacency and at the same time a certain diffidence were depicted upon his face. his festal appearance and proud gait would have made me burst out laughing, if such a proceeding had been in accordance with my intentions.
he threw his cap and gloves on the table and began to pull down the skirts of his coat and to put himself to rights before the looking-glass. an enormous black handkerchief, which was twisted into a very high stiffener for his cravat, and the bristles of which supported his chin, stuck out an inch over his collar. it seemed to him to be rather small, and he drew it up as far as his ears. as a result of that hard work—the collar of his uniform being very tight and uncomfortable—he grew red in the face.
“they say you have been courting my princess terribly these last few days?” he said, rather carelessly and without looking at me.
“‘where are we fools to drink tea!’” 271 i answered, repeating a pet phrase of one of the cleverest rogues of past times, once celebrated in song by pushkin.
“tell me, does my uniform fit me well?... oh, the cursed jew!... how it cuts me under the armpits!... have you got any scent?”
“good gracious, what more do you want? you are reeking of rose pomade as it is.”
“never mind. give me some”...
he poured half a phial over his cravat, his pocket-handkerchief, his sleeves.
“you are going to dance?” he asked.
“i think not.”
“i am afraid i shall have to lead off the mazurka with princess mary, and i scarcely know a single figure”...
“have you asked her to dance the mazurka with you?”
“not yet”...
“mind you are not forestalled”...
“just so, indeed!” he said, striking his forehead. “good-bye... i will go and wait for her at the entrance.”
he seized his forage-cap and ran.
half an hour later i also set off. the street was dark and deserted. around the assembly rooms, or inn—whichever you prefer—people were thronging. the windows were lighted up, the strains of the regimental band were borne to me on the evening breeze. i walked slowly; i felt melancholy.
“can it be possible,” i thought, “that my sole mission on earth is to destroy the hopes of others? ever since i began to live and to act, it seems always to have been my fate to play a part in the ending of other people’s dramas, as if, but for me, no one could either die or fall into despair! i have been the indispensable person of the fifth act; unwillingly i have played the pitiful part of an executioner or a traitor. what object has fate had in this?... surely, i have not been appointed by destiny to be an author of middle-class tragedies and family romances, or to be a collaborator with the purveyor of stories—for the ‘reader’s library,’ 272 for example?... how can i tell?... are there not many people who, in beginning life, think to end it like lord byron or alexander the great, and, nevertheless, remain titular councillors 273 all their days?”
entering the saloon, i concealed myself in a crowd of men, and began to make my observations.
grushnitski was standing beside princess mary and saying something with great warmth. she was listening to him absent-mindedly and looking about her, her fan laid to her lips. impatience was depicted upon her face, her eyes were searching all around for somebody. i went softly behind them in order to listen to their conversation.
“you torture me, princess!” grushnitski was saying. “you have changed dreadfully since i saw you last”...
“you, too, have changed,” she answered, casting a rapid glance at him, in which he was unable to detect the latent sneer.
“i! changed?... oh, never! you know that such a thing is impossible! whoever has seen you once will bear your divine image with him for ever.”
“stop”...
“but why will you not let me say to-night what you have so often listened to with condescension—and just recently, too?”...
“because i do not like repetitions,” she answered, laughing.
“oh! i have been bitterly mistaken!... i thought, fool that i was, that these epaulettes, at least, would give me the right to hope... no, it would have been better for me to have remained for ever in that contemptible soldier’s cloak, to which, probably, i was indebted for your attention”...
“as a matter of fact, the cloak is much more becoming to you”...
at that moment i went up and bowed to princess mary. she blushed a little, and went on rapidly:
“is it not true, monsieur pechorin, that the grey cloak suits monsieur grushnitski much better?”...
“i do not agree with you,” i answered: “he is more youthful-looking still in his uniform.”
that was a blow which grushnitski could not bear: like all boys, he has pretensions to being an old man; he thinks that the deep traces of passions upon his countenance take the place of the lines scored by time. he cast a furious glance at me, stamped his foot, and took himself off.
“confess now,” i said to princess mary: “that although he has always been most ridiculous, yet not so long ago he seemed to you to be interesting... in the grey cloak?”...
she cast her eyes down and made no reply.
grushnitski followed the princess about during the whole evening and danced either with her or vis-a-vis. he devoured her with his eyes, sighed, and wearied her with prayers and reproaches. after the third quadrille she had begun to hate him.
“i did not expect this from you,” he said, coming up to me and taking my arm.
“what?”
“you are going to dance the mazurka with her?” he asked in a solemn tone. “she admitted it”...
“well, what then? it is not a secret, is it”?
“of course not... i ought to have expected such a thing from that chit—that flirt... i will have my revenge, though!”
“you should lay the blame on your cloak, or your epaulettes, but why accuse her? what fault is it of hers that she does not like you any longer?”...
“but why give me hopes?”
“why did you hope? to desire and to strive after something—that i can understand! but who ever hopes?”
“you have won the wager, but not quite,” he said, with a malignant smile.
the mazurka began. grushnitski chose no one but the princess, other cavaliers chose her every minute: obviously a conspiracy against me—all the better! she wants to talk to me, they are preventing her—she will want to twice as much.
i squeezed her hand once or twice; the second time she drew it away without saying a word.
“i shall sleep badly to-night,” she said to me when the mazurka was over.
“grushnitski is to blame for that.”
“oh, no!”
and her face became so pensive, so sad, that i promised myself that i would not fail to kiss her hand that evening.
the guests began to disperse. as i was handing princess mary into her carriage, i rapidly pressed her little hand to my lips. the night was dark and nobody could see.
i returned to the saloon very well satisfied with myself.
the young men, grushnitski amongst them, were having supper at the large table. as i came in, they all fell silent: evidently they had been talking about me. since the last ball many of them have been sulky with me, especially the captain of dragoons; and now, it seems, a hostile gang is actually being formed against me, under the command of grushnitski. he wears such a proud and courageous air...
i am very glad; i love enemies, though not in the christian sense. they amuse me, stir my blood. to be always on one’s guard, to catch every glance, the meaning of every word, to guess intentions, to crush conspiracies, to pretend to be deceived and suddenly with one blow to overthrow the whole immense and laboriously constructed edifice of cunning and design—that is what i call life.
during supper grushnitski kept whispering and exchanging winks with the captain of dragoons.
