had i dropped a hand-grenade into the apartment the astonishment of its occupants would not have been excessive. my lord's face, as he clapped his hand to his sword, was neither tranquil nor altogether agreeable to contemplate; but as for dorothy, she gave a frightened little cry, and ran toward the masked intruder with a piteous confidence which wrung my heart.
"the devil!" says my lord.
"not precisely," i amended, and bowed in my best manner, "though 'tis undeniable i come to act as his representative."
"oh, joy to your success!" his lordship sneered.
"harkee, sir," said i, "as you, with perfect justice, have stated, this is the devil's stronghold, and hereabouts his will is paramount; and, as i have had the honor to add, the devil is a gentleman. sure, and as such, he cannot be expected to countenance your present behavior? nay, never fear! lucifer, already up to the ears in the affairs of this mundane sphere, lacks leisure to express his disapproval in sulphuric person. he tenders his apologies, sir, and sends in his stead your servant, with whose capabilities he is indifferently acquainted."
"to drop this mummery," says lord humphrey, "what are you doing in my lodgings?"
"o lord, sir!" i responded, "i came thither, i confess, without invitation.
and with equal candor i will admit that my present need is of your
lordship's banknotes and jewels, and such-like trifles, rather than—you
force me, sir, to say it,—rather than of your company."
thus speaking, i drew and placed myself on guard, while my lord gasped.
"you're the most impudent rogue," says he, after he had recovered himself a little, "that i have had the privilege of meeting—"
"your lordship is all kindness," i protested.
"—but your impudence is worth the price of whatever you may have pilfered. go, my good man—or devil, if you so prefer to style yourself! tell lucifer that he is well served; and obligingly return to the infernal regions without delay. for, as you have doubtless learned, miss and i have many private matters to discuss. and, gad, mr. moloch, [footnote: a deity of, i believe, ammonitish origin. his traditional character as represented by our immortal milton is both taking to the fancy and finely romantic; and is, i am informed, no less remarkable for many happy turns of speech than for conformity throughout to the most famous legends of talmudic fabrication.—f.a.] pleasant as is your conversation, you must acknowledge i can't allow evil spirits about the house without getting it an ill reputation. so pardon me if i exorcise you with this."
he spoke boldly, and, as he ended, tossed me a purse. i let it lie where it fell, for i had by no means ended my argument.
"yet, sir," said i, "my errand, which began with the acquisition of your pins, studs and other jewelry, now reaches toward treasure far more precious—"
"enough!" he cried, impatiently, "begone! and do you render thanks—that my present business is so urgent as to prevent my furnishing the rope which will one day adorn your neck."
"that's as may be," quoth i; "and, indeed, i doubt if i could abide drowning, for 'tis a damp, unwholesome, and very permanent sort of death. but my fixed purpose, to cut short all debate, is to escort miss allonby homeward."
"come," sneers my lord,—"come, mr. moloch, i have borne with your insolence for a quarter of an hour—"
"twenty minutes," said i, after consulting my watch.
"—but i mean to put up with it no longer; and in consequence i take the boorish liberty of suggesting that this is none of your affair."
"good sir," i conceded, "your lordship speaks with considerable justice, and we must leave the final decision to miss here."
i bowed toward her. in her face there was a curious bewilderment that made me fear lest, for all my mask, for all my unnatural intonations, and for all the room's half-light, my worshipped mistress had come near to recognizing this caught thief.
"miss allonby," said i, in a falsetto voice which trembled, "since i am unknown to you, may i trust you will permit me to present myself? my name—though, indeed, i have a multitude of names—is for the occasion frederick thomasson. with my father's appellation and estates i cannot accommodate you, for the reason that a mystery attaches to his identity. as for my mother, let it suffice to say that she was a vivacious brunette of a large acquaintance, and generally known to the public as black moll o'reilly. i began life as a pickpocket. since then i have so far improved my natural gifts that the police are flattering enough to value my person at several hundred pounds. my rank in society, as you perceive, is not exalted; yet, if my luck by any chance should fail, i do not question that i shall, upon some subsequent friday, move in loftier circles than any nobleman who happens at the time to be on tyburn hill.—so much for my poor self. and since by this late hour lady allonby is beyond doubt beginning to grow uneasy, let us have done with further exposition, and remember that 'tis high time you selected an escort to her residence. may i implore that you choose between the son of the marquis of venour and black molly's bastard?"
she looked us over,—first one, then the other. more lately she laughed; and if i had never seen her before, i could have found it in my heart to love her for the sweet insolence of her demeanor.
"after all," said my adored dorothy, "i prefer the rogue who when he goes about his knaveries has at least the decency to wear a mask."
"that, my lord," said i, "is fairly conclusive; and so we will be journeying."
"over my dead body!" says he.
"sure, and what's beneath the feet," i protested, "is equally beneath consideration."
the witticism stung him like a wasp, and, with an oath, he drew, as i was heartily glad to observe, for i cannot help thinking that when it comes to the last pinch, and one gentleman is excessively annoyed by the existence of another, steel is your only arbiter, and charitable allowances for the dead make the one rational peroration. so we crossed blades; and, pursuing my usual tactics, i began upon a flow of words, which course, as i have learned by old experience, is apt to disconcert an adversary far more than any trick of the sword can do.
i pressed him sorely, and he continued to give way, but clearly for tactical purposes, and without permitting the bright flash of steel that protected him to swerve an instant from the proper line.
"miss allonby," said i, growing impatient, "have you never seen a venomous insect pinned to the wall? in that case, i pray you to attend more closely. for one has only to parry—thus! and to thrust—in this fashion! and behold, the thing is done!"
in fact, having been run through the chest, my lord was for the moment affixed to the panelling at the extreme end of the apartment, where he writhed, much in the manner of a cockchafer which mischievous urchins have pinned to a card,—his mien and his gesticulations, however, being rather more suggestive of the torments of the damned, as they are so strikingly depicted by the italian dante. [footnote: i allude, of course, to the famous florentine, who excels no less in his detailed depictions of infernal anguish than in his eloquent portrayal of the graduated and equitable emoluments of an eternal glorification.—f.a.] he tumbled in a heap, though, when i sheathed my sword and bowed toward my charmer.
"miss allonby," said i, "thus quickly ends this evil quarter of an hour; and with, equal expedition, i think, should we be leaving this evil quarter of the town."
she had watched the combat with staring and frightened eyes. now she had drawn nearer, and she looked curiously at her over-presumptuous lover where he had fallen.
"have you killed him?" she asked, in a hushed voice.
"o lord, no!" i protested. "the life of a peer's son is too valuable a matter; he will be little the worse for it in a week."
"the dog!" cries she, overcome with pardonable indignation at the affront which the misguided nobleman had put upon her; and afterward, with a ferocity the more astounding in an individual whose demeanor was by ordinary of an aspect so amiable and so engaging, she said, "oh, the lewd thieving dog!"
"my adorable miss allonby," said i, "do not, i pray you, thus slander the canine species! meanwhile, permit me to remind you that 'tis inexpedient to loiter in these parts, for the parson will presently be at hand; and if it be to inter rather than to marry lord humphrey—well, after all, the peerage is a populous estate! but, either way, time presses."
"come!" said she, and took my arm; and together we went down-stairs and into the street.
