as played at tunbridge wells, april 1, 1750

"but this is the most cruel thing, to marry one does not know how, nor why, nor wherefore.—gad, i never liked anybody less in my life. poor woman!—gad, i'm sorry for her, too; for i have no reason to hate her neither; but i wish we could keep it secret! why, i don't believe any of this company would speak of it."

dramatis personæ

captain audaine, of a pompous and handsome person, and loves miss allonby.

lord humphrey degge, younger son to the marquis of venour, makes love to

miss allonby.

gerald allonby, brother to miss allonby, a true raw squire.

mr. erwyn, betrothed to lady allonby.

vanringham, an impudent tragedian of the globe company.

quarmby, vanringham's associate.

miss allonby, an heiress, of a petulant humor, in love with audaine.

marchioness of falmouth, an impertinent affected dowager, and grandmother to miss allonby.

lady allonby, step-mother to miss allonby and gerald.

postilions, servants, etc.

scene

tunbridge wells, thence shifting to chetwode lodge, mr. babington-herle's house, on rusthall common, within two miles of the town.

the casual honeymoon

proem:—introductive of captain francis audaine

it appears convenient here to pursue miss allonby on her stroll about the pantiles in company with captain audaine. the latter has been at pains to record the events of the afternoon and evening, so that i give you his own account of them, though i abridge in consideration of his leisured style. pompous and verbose i grant the captain, even in curtailment; but you are to remember these were the faults of his age, ingrained and defiant of deletion; and should you elect to peruse his memoirs [footnote: there appears to have been no american edition since that, in 1836, printed in philadelphia, "for thomas wardle, no. 15 minor street." in england the memoirs of lord garendon are to all appearance equally hard to come by, and seem to have been out of print since 1907.] you will find that i have considerately spared you a majority of the digressions to which the future earl of garendon was lamentably addicted.

for the purpose of my tale you are to view him as tunbridge did at this particular time: as a handsome and formal person, twenty-eight years old or thereabouts, of whom nobody knew anything quite definite—beyond the genealogic inference to be drawn from a smatch of the brogue—save that after a correspondence of gallantries, of some three weeks' duration, he was the manifest slave of miss dorothy allonby, and had already fought three duels behind ormerod house,—with will pratchet, lord humphrey degge, and sir eugene harrabie, respectively, each one of whom was a declared suitor for her hand.

and with this prelude i begin on my transcription.