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XXIX Sesphra of the Dreams

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in the morning dom manuel arose early, and left niafer still sleeping with the baby. manuel came down through the lower hall, where the table was as the revelers had left it. in the middle of the disordered room stood a huge copper vessel half full of liquor, and beside it was a drinking-horn of gold. manuel paused here, and drank of the sweet heather-wine as though he had need to hearten himself.

he went out into the bright windy morning, and as he crossed the fields he came up behind a red cow who was sitting upon her haunches, intently reading a largish book bound in green leather, but at sight of manuel she hastily put aside the volume, and began eating grass. manuel went on, without comment, toward the river bank, to meet the image which he had made of clay, and to which through unholy arts he had given life.

the thing came up out of the glistening ripples of brown water, and the thing embraced manuel and kissed him. "i am pagan," the thing said, in a sweet mournful voice, "and therefore i might not come to you until your love was given to the unchristened. for i was not ever christened, and so my true name is not known to anybody. but in the far lands where i am worshipped as a god i am called sesphra of the dreams."

"i did not give you any name," said manuel; and then he said: "sesphra, you that have the appearance of alianora and of my youth! sesphra, how beautiful you are!"

"is that why you are trembling, manuel?"

"i tremble because the depths of my being have been shaken. since youth went out of me, in the high woods of dun vlechlan, i have lived through days made up of small frettings and little pleasures and only half earnest desires, which moved about upon the surface of my being like minnows in the shoals of a still lake. but now that i have seen and heard you, sesphra of the dreams, and your lips have touched my lips, a passion moves in me that possesses all of me, and i am frightened."

"it is the passion which informs those who make images. it is the master you denied, poor foolish manuel, and the master who will take no denial."

"sesphra, what is your will with me?"

"it is my will that you and i go hence on a long journey, into the far lands where i am worshipped as a god. for i love you, my creator, who gave life to me, and you love me more than aught else, and it is not right that we be parted."

"i cannot go on any journey, just now, for i have my lands and castles to regain, and my wife and my newborn child to protect."

sesphra began to smile adorably: you saw that his teeth were strangely white and very strong. "what are these things to me or you, or to anyone that makes images? we follow after our own thinking and our own desires."

"i lived thus once upon a time," said manuel, sighing, "but nowadays there is a bond upon me to provide for my wife, and for my child too, and i have not much leisure left for anything else."

then sesphra began to speak adorably, as he walked on the river bank, with one arm about dom manuel. always sesphra limped as he walked. a stiff and obdurate wind was ruffling the broad brown shining water, and as they walked, this wind buffeted them, and tore at their clothing. manuel clung to his hat with one hand, and with the other held to lame sesphra of the dreams. sesphra talked of matters not to be recorded.

"that is a handsome ring you have there," says sesphra, by and by.

"it is the ring my wife gave me when we were married," manuel replied.

"then you must give it to me, dear manuel."

"no, no, i cannot part with it."

"but it is beautiful, and i want it," sesphra said. so manuel gave him the ring.

now sesphra began again to talk of matters not to be recorded.

"sesphra of the dreams," says manuel, presently, "you are bewitching me, for when i listen to you i see that manuel's imperilled lands make such a part of earth as one grain of sand contributes to the long narrow beach we are treading. i see my fond wife niafer as a plain-featured and dull woman, not in any way remarkable among the millions of such women as are at this moment preparing breakfast or fretting over other small tasks. i see my newborn child as a mewing lump of flesh. and i see sesphra whom i made so strong and strange and beautiful, and it is as if in a half daze i hear that obdurate wind commingled with the sweet voice of sesphra while you are talking of matters which it is not safe to talk about."

"yes, that is the way it is, manuel, and the way it should be, and the way it always will be as long as life is spared to you, now. so let us go into the house, and write droll letters to king helmas and raymond bérenger and queen stultitia, in reply to the fine offers they have been making you."

they came back into the empty banquet-hall. this place was paved with mother of pearl and copper; six porphyry columns supported the musicians' gallery. to the other end were two alabaster urns upon green pedestals that were covered with golden writing in the old dirgham.

here manuel cleared away the embossed silver plates from one corner of the table. he took pen and ink, and sesphra told him what to write.

sesphra sat with arms folded, and as he dictated he looked up at the ceiling. this ceiling was of mosaic work, showing four winged creatures that veiled their faces with crimson and orange-tawny wings; suspended from this ceiling by bronze chains hung ostrich eggs, bronze lamps and globes of crystal.

"but these are very insulting replies," observed dom manuel, when he had finished writing, "and they will make their recipients furious. these princes, sesphra, are my good friends, and they are powerful friends, upon whose favor i am dependent."

"yes, but how beautiful these replies are worded! see now, dear manuel, how divertingly you have described king helmas' hideous nose in your letter to king helmas, and how trenchant is that paragraph about the scales of his mermaid wife—"

"i admit that passage is rather droll—"

"—and in your letter to the pious queen stultitia that which you say about the absurdities of religion, here, and the fun you make of her spectacles, are masterpieces of paradox and of very exquisite prose—"

"those bits, to be sure, are quite neatly put—"

"—so i must see to it that these replies are sent, to make people admire you everywhere."

"yet, sesphra, all these princes are my friends, and their goodwill is necessary to me—"

"no, manuel. for you and i will not bother about these stupid princes any more, nor will you need any friends except me; for we will go to this and that remote strange place, and our manner of living will be such and such, and we will do so and so, and we will travel everywhither and see the ends of this world and judge them. and we will not ever be parted until you die."

"what will you do then, dear sesphra?" manuel asks him fondly.

"i shall survive you, as all gods outlive their creators. and i must depute the building of your monument to men of feeble minds which have been properly impaired by futile studies and senility. that is the way in which all gods are doomed to deal with their creators: but that need not trouble us as yet."

"no," manuel said, "i cannot go with you. for in my heart is enkindling such love of you as frightens me."

"it is through love men win to happiness, poor lonely manuel."

now when manuel answered sesphra there was in manuel's face trouble and bewilderment. and manuel said:

"under your dear bewitchments, sesphra, i confess that through love men win to sick disgust and self-despising, and for that reason i will not love any more. now breathlessly the tall lads run to clutch at stars, above the brink of a drab quagmire, and presently time trips them—oh, sesphra, wicked sesphra of the dreams, you have laid upon me a magic so strong that, horrified, i hear the truth come babbling from long-guarded lips which no longer obey me, because of your dear bewitchments.

"look you, adorable and all-masterful sesphra, i have followed noble loves. i aspired to the unattainable princess, and thereafter to the unattainable queen of a race that is more fine and potent than our race, and afterward i would have no less a love than an unattainable angel in paradise. hah, i must be fit mate for that which is above me, was my crying in the old days; and such were the indomitable desires that one by one have made my living wonderful with dear bewitchments.

"the devil of it was that these proud aims did not stay unattained! instead, i was cursed by getting my will, and always my reward was nothing marvelous and rare, but that quite ordinary figure of earth, a human woman. and always in some dripping dawn i have turned with abhorrence from myself and from the sated folly that had hankered for such prizes, which, when possessed, showed as not wonderful in anything, and which possession left likable enough, but stripped of dear bewitchments.

"no, sesphra, no: men are so made that they must desire to mate with some woman or another, and they are furthermore so made that to mate with a woman does not content their desire. and in this gaming there is no gain, because the end of loving, for everybody except those lucky persons whose love is not requited, must always be a sick disgust and a self-despising, which the wise will conduct in silence, and not talk about as i am talking now under your dear bewitchments."

then sesphra smiled a little, saying, "and yet, poor manuel, there is, they tell me, no more uxorious husband anywhere."

"i am used to her," manuel replied, forlornly, "and i suppose that if she were taken away from me again i would again be attempting to fetch her back. and i do not like to hurt the poor foolish heart of her by going against her foolish notions. besides, i am a little afraid of her, because she is always able to make me uncomfortable. and above all, of course, the hero of a famous love-affair, such as ours has become, with those damned poets everywhere making rhymes about my fidelity and devotion, has to preserve appearances. so i get through each day, somehow, by never listening very attentively to the interminable things she tells me about. but i often wonder, as i am sure all husbands wonder, why heaven ever made a creature so tedious and so unreasonably dull of wit and so opinionated. and when i think that for the rest of time this creature is to be my companion i usually go out and kill somebody. then i come back, because she knows the way i like my toast."

"instead, dear manuel, you must go away from this woman who does not understand you—"

"yes," manuel said, with grave conviction, "that is exactly the trouble."

"—and you must go with me who understand you all through. and we will travel everywhither, so that we may see the ends of this world and judge them."

"you tempt me, sesphra, with an old undying desire, and you have laid strong enchantments on me, but, no, i cannot go with you."

the hand of sesphra closed upon the hand of manuel caressingly.

manuel said: "i will go with you. but what will become of the woman and the child whom i leave behind me unfriended?"

"that is true. there will be nobody to look out for them, and they will perish miserably. that is not important, but perhaps upon the whole it would be better for you to kill them before we depart from sargyll."

"very well, then," says manuel, "i will do that, but you must come up into the room with me, for i cannot bear to lose sight of you."

now sesphra smiled more unrestrainedly, and his teeth gleamed. "i shall not ever leave you now until you die."

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