in that part of the garden of eden which lies somewhat to the south-west of the centre thereof the weather, during the recent election which was held there, was bad. it blew, it rained, it hailed, it snowed, and all this was on account of the great comet, of which the people of that region said proudly to strangers, "have you seen our comet?" imagining, with i know not how much justice, that this celestial phenomenon was local rather than national or imperial.

the garden of eden being mainly of a clay soil, large parts of it were flooded, and a canvasser (a draper by profession and a gentleman from london by birth), unacquainted as he was with the garden of eden, thought it a foul place, and picked his way without pleasure. he went down a lane the like of which he did not even know to exist in england (for it was what we call in the garden of eden a "green lane," and only those learned in the place could get along it at all during the floods).

i say he went down this lane, turned back, took a circumbendibus over some high but abominably[pg 105] sticky ploughed fields, and turned up with more of english earth than most citizens can boast at the door of the important cottage. he had been given his instructions carefully, and he was sure of the place. he swung off several pounds of clay from his boots to the right and to the left, and then it struck him that he did not know how to accost a cottage door. there was no knocker and there was no bell. but he had had plenty of proof and instruction dinned into him as to the importance of that cottage, so at last he made up his mind to do something bold and unconventional, and he knocked at it with his knuckles.

hardly had he done so when he heard within a loud series of syllables proceeding from two human mouths and consisting mainly of the broad a in the vowels and of z by way of the consonants. at last the door was opened a little way and a rather forbidding-looking old woman, short, fat, but energetic, looked out at him through the crack. she continued to look at him curiously, for it is good manners in the garden of eden to allow the guest to speak first.

when the canvasser grasped this from the great length of silence which he had to endure, he said with the utmost politeness, taking off his hat in a graceful manner and speaking with the light accent of the cultured—

"is your husband in, madam?"

by way of answer she shut the door upon him and[pg 106] disappeared, and the canvasser, not yet angry, marvelled at the ways of the garden of eden. in a few moments she was back again; she opened the door a little wider, just wide enough to let him come in, and said—

"ye can see un: but he bain't my husband. he wor my sister's husband like." as she said this she kept her eyes fixed upon the stranger, noting every movement of his face and of his body, until she got him into the large old kitchen. there she put a chair for him, and he sat down.

he found himself opposite a very, very old man, much older than the old woman, sitting in a patched easy chair and staring merrily but fixedly at the fire.

the very, very old man said: "marnin'."

there was a pause. the canvasser felt nervous. the old, fat, but energetic woman, still scowling somewhat and still fixedly regarding the stranger, said—

"i do be tellin' of un you bain't my husband, you be poor martha's husband that was. ar!"

"ar!" said the old man, by way of corroboration; and the smile—if it were a smile—upon his drawn and wrinkled face became more mysterious than ever.

the canvasser coughed a little. "i've brought bad weather with me," he said, by way of opening the delicate conversation.

"ar!" said the old man. "you ain't brought un nayther! naw.... bin ere a sennight com vriday...." then he added more reflectively, and as[pg 107] though he were already passing into another world, while he stared at the fire: "you ain't brought un nayther; naw!"

"well," said the stranger gallantly, though a little put out, "i'm sure i should have been sorry to have brought it."

"ar, so you may zay! main sorry i lay," said the old man, and went off into a rattle of laughter which ended in a violent fit of coughing. but even as he coughed he wagged his head from side to side, relishing the joke immensely, and repeating it several times to himself in the intervals of his spasms.

"a lot of water lying about," said the canvasser, hoping to start some vein at least which would lead somewhere.

"mubbe zo, mubbe no," said the ancient, like a true peasant, glancing sideways for the first time at his visitor and quickly withdrawing his eyes again. "thur be mar watter zome plaa-ces nor others.... zo they tell," he concluded, for fear of committing himself. then he added: "i ain't bin out mesel'."

"he's got rheumatics chronic," said the sister-in-law, standing by and watching them both with equal disapproval.

"ar!" said the ancient. "arl ower me!"

the canvasser despaired. he took the plunge. he said as pleasantly as he could: "i've come to ask you how you're going to vote, mr. layton."

"ow i be whaat?" answered his host with a look of extreme cunning and affecting a sudden deafness [pg 108]as he put his left hand to his shrivelled ear and leaned towards the londoner.

"how you were going to vote, mr. layton," said the canvasser, still good-humoured, but a little more rosy than before, and leaning forward and speaking in a louder tone.

"ow i were voattun?" answered the aged layton with a touch of indignation in his cracked tones, "i ain't voättud 'tarl yet!"

"no, no, mr. layton," said the canvasser, relieved at any rate to have got to the subject. "what i meant was how are you going to vote?"

"oo! ar!" quickly caught up the peasant. "if ye'd zed that furst orf, mebbe i'd a towd ee!" he gave another little cackle of laughter and looked into the fire.

"it is a very important election, mr. layton," said the canvasser solemnly. "a great deal hangs on it."

"doän you be worritin un, young man," said the sister-in-law with a touch of menace in her tone, her arms akimbo and her attitude sturdy.

"there do be zome," began the ancient, absolutely off his own, and, so far as the bewildered londoner could understand, entirely irrelevantly—"there do be zome as ave a bit of money lay by, an' there do be zome as as none. ar! them as as none kin do without un." he laughed again, this time rather unpleasantly, and more shortly than before.

there was an awkward silence. then in a louder[pg 109] voice and at a higher pitch he took up his tale again. "i mind my feythur saäying when i wor furst r'k-moinding, feythur says to me, 'ar, you moind rooks and you get your farp'nce when farmer mouwen give it 'ee, and you bring it straäght whome t' me, zame as i tell ee.'"

this reminiscence concluded, the old man repeated his formula to the effect that there were some who had money laid by, others who had none, and that those who had none would have to do without that commodity. of this sentiment his sister-in-law, by a slight nod, expressed her full approval. her lips were firmer set than ever, and she was positively glaring at her guest.

the canvasser began to shift uneasily. "well, i put it straight, mr. layton," he said—"will you vote for mr. richards?"

"ar! ye can putt un straäght," answered the ancient, with a look of preternatural cunning, "and ah can answer un straäght, an wow! ye'd be none wiser.... ar! reckon t' answer any man straäght 's any man there be erebouts, naabur, nor no naabur! and zo i tell un."

"that's right," said his sister-in-law, approvingly, "and so e tell 'ee!" she was beginning to look actually threatening, but the canvasser had not yet got his answer.

"we really do hope that we can hear you are going to vote for mr. richards," he said pleadingly. "the action of the government——"

[pg 110]

"ar, zo i do ear say," said the old man, chuckling over some profound thought. "and mas'r willum e do zay thaät too, though e be tother side." he wagged his head twice with the wise subtlety of age. "ar now, which way be i going to voät? ar? thaät's what many on us ud like t' know!"

the canvasser began to despair. he kept his weary smile upon his face, rose from his chair, and said: "well, i must be going now, madam."

"that ye must," said the old lady cheerfully.

"don't you let un go wi'out gi'ing un some of that wa-ine," said the host, as he leaned forward in his chair and stirred the down fire with an old charred stick.

the woman looked at the canvasser suspiciously and poured him out some parsnip wine, which he drank with the best grace in the world. as he lifted the glass he said, with an assumed cheerfulness: "well! here's to mr. richards!"

"ar!" said the old man.

the old woman took the glass, wiped it carefully without washing it, put it back into the cupboard with the bottle, and turned round to continue her occupation of fixing the stranger with her eye.

"well, i must be gone," he said for the second time, and in as breezy a tone as he could command.

"ar, zo you zay!" was all the reply he obtained, and he left that citizen of many years still smiling with his bony aged jaws at the down fire, and muttering again to himself that great truth about[pg 111] material wealth which had haunted him throughout the brief conversation.

the woman shut the door behind the canvasser, and he was off across the fields. in the next cottage he came to he asked them which way old layton would vote. the woman at the place answered nothing, but her son, a very tall and silent young man with a soft nascent beard, who was stacking wood to the leeward of the house, smiled secretly and said—

"ar!"