the operation
§ 1
while sir alpheus grumbled loudly at the unpreparedness of everything, mr. huss, with the assistance of dr. barrack, walked upstairs and disrobed himself.
this long discussion had taken a very powerful grip upon his mind. much remained uncertain in his thoughts. he had still a number of things he wanted to say, and these proceedings preliminary to his vivisection, seemed to him to be irrelevant and tiresome rites interrupting something far more important.
the bed, the instruments, the preparation for anæsthesia, were to him no more than new contributions to the argument. while he lay on the bed with dr. barrack handling the funnel hood that was to go over nose and mouth for the administration of the chloroform, he tried to point out that the very idea of operative surgery 201was opposed to the scientific fatalism of that gentleman. but sir alpheus interrupted him....
“breathe deeply,” said dr. barrack....
“breathe deeply.”...
the whole vast argumentative fabric that had arisen in his mind swung with him across an abyss of dread and mental inanity. whether he thought or dreamt what follows it is impossible to say; we can but record the ideas that, like a crystalline bubble as great as all things, filled his consciousness. he felt a characteristic doubt whether the chloroform would do its duty, and then came that twang like the breaking of a violin string:—ploot....
and still he did not seem to be insensible! he was not insensible, and yet things had changed. dr. elihu was still present, but somehow sir eliphaz and mr. dad and mr. farr, whom he had left downstairs, had come back and were sitting on the ground—on the ashes; they were all seated gravely on a mound of ashes and beneath a sky that blazed with light. sir alpheus, the nurse, the bedroom, had vanished. it seemed that they had been the dream.
but this was the reality, an enduring reality, this sackcloth and these reeking ash-heaps outside the city gates. this was the scene of an 202unending experiment and an immortal argument. he was job; the same job who had sat here for thousands of years, and this lean vulturous old man in the vast green turban was eliphaz the temanite, the smaller man who peered out of the cowl of a kind of hooded shawl, was his friend bildad the shuhite; the eager, coarse face of the man in unclean linen was zophar the naamathite; and this fist-faced younger man who sat with an air of false humility insolently judging them all, was elihu the son of barachel the buzite of the kindred of ram....
it was queer that there should have ever been the fancy that these men were doctors or schoolmasters or munition makers, a queer veiling of their immortal quality in the transitory garments of a period. for ages they had sat here and disputed, and for ages they had still to sit. a little way off waited the asses and camels and slaves of the three emirs, and the two ethiopian slaves of eliphaz had been coming towards them bearing bowls of fine grey ashes. (for eliphaz for sanitary reasons did not use the common ashes of the midden upon his head.) there, far away, splashed green with palms and pierced between pylons by a glittering arm of the river, were the low brown walls of sun-dried brick, the 203flat-roofed houses, and the twisted temple towers of the ancient city of uz, where first this great argument had begun. east and west and north and south stretched the wide levels of the world, dotted with small date trees, and above them was the measureless dome of heaven, set with suns and stars and flooded with a light.
this light had shone out since elihu had spoken, and it was not only a light but a voice clear and luminous, before which job’s very soul bowed and was still....
“who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?”
by a great effort job lifted up his eyes to the zenith.
it was as if one shone there who was all, and yet who comprehended powers and kingdoms, and it was as if a screen or shadow was before his face. it was as if a dark figure enhaloed in shapes and colours bent down over the whole world and regarded it curiously and malevolently, and it was as if this dark figure was no more than a translucent veil before an infinite and lasting radiance. was it a veil before the light, or did it not rather nest in the very heart of the light and spread itself out before the face of the light and spread itself and recede and again expand in a perpetual diastole and systole? 204it was as if the voice that spoke was the voice of god, and yet ever and again it was as if the timbre of the voice was satan. as the voice spoke to job, his friends listened and watched him, and the eyes of elihu shone like garnets and the eyes of eliphaz like emeralds, but the eyes of bildad were black like the eyes of a lizard upon a wall, and zophar had no eyes but looked at him only with the dark shadows beneath his knitted brows. as god spake they all, and job with them, became smaller and smaller and shrank until they were the minutest of conceivable things, until the whole scene was a little toy; they became unreal like discolourations upon a floating falling disc of paper confetti, amidst greatnesses unfathomable.
“who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?”
but in this dream that was dreamt by mr. huss while he was under the anæsthetic, god did not speak by words but by light; there were no sounds in his ears, but thoughts ran like swift rivulets of fire through his brain and gathered into pools and made a throbbing pattern of wavelets, curve within curve, that interlaced....
the thoughts that it seemed to him that god was speaking through his mind, can be put into 205words only after a certain fashion and with great loss, for they were thoughts about things beyond and above this world, and our words are all made out of the names of things and feelings in this world. things that were contradictory had become compatible, and things incomprehensible seemed straightforward, because he was in a dream. it was as if the anæsthetic had released his ideas from their anchorage to words and phrases and their gravitation towards sensible realities. but it was still the same line of thought he pursued through the stars and spaces, that he had pursued in the stuffy little room at sundering-on-sea.
it was somewhat after this fashion that things ran through the mind of mr. huss. it seemed to him at first that he was answering the challenge of the voice that filled the world, not of his own will but mechanically. he was saying: “they give me knowledge.”
to which the answer was in the voice of satan and in tones of mockery. for satan had become very close and definite to job, as a dark face, time-worn and yet animated, that sent out circle after circle of glowing colour towards the bounds of space as a swimmer sends waves towards the bank. “but what have you got in the way of a vessel to hold your knowledge if we gave it you?”
206“in the name of the god in my heart,” said job, “i demand knowledge and power.”
“who are you? a pedagogue who gives ill-prepared lessons about history in frowsty rooms, and dreams that he has been training his young gentlemen to play leap-frog amidst the stars.”
“i am man,” said job.
“huss.”
but that queer power of slipping one’s identity and losing oneself altogether which dreams will give, had come upon mr. huss. he answered with absolute conviction: “i am man. down there i was huss, but here i am man. i am every man who has ever looked up towards this light of god. i am every one who has thought or worked or willed for the race. i am all the explorers and leaders and teachers that man has ever had.”
the argument evaporated. he carried his point as such points are carried in dreams. the discussion slipped to another of the issues that had been troubling him.
“you would plumb the deep of knowledge; you would scale the heights of space.... there is no limit to either.”
“then i will plumb and scale for ever. i will defeat you.”
“but you will never destroy me.”
“i will fight my way through you to god.”
207“and never attain him.”...
it seemed as though yet another voice was speaking. for a while the veil of satan was drawn aside. the thoughts it uttered ran like incandescent molten metal through the mind of job, but whether he was saying these things to god or whether god was saying these things to him, did not in any way appear.
“so life goes on for ever. and in no other way could it go on. in no other way could there be such a being as life. for how can you struggle if there is a certainty of victory? why should you struggle if the end is assured? how can you rise if there is no depths into which you can fall? the blacknesses and the evils about you are the warrants of reality....
“through the centuries the voice of job had complained and will complain. through the centuries the fire of his faith flares and flickers and threatens to go out. but is job justified in his complaints?
“is job indeed justified in his complaints? his mind has been coloured by the colour of misfortune. he has seen all the world reflecting the sufferings of his body. he has dwelt upon illness and cruelty and death. but is there any evil or cruelty or suffering that is beyond the possibility of human control? were 208that so then indeed he might complain that god has mocked him.... are sunsets ugly and oppressive? do mountains disgust, do distant hills repel? is there any flaw in the starry sky? if the lives of beasts and men are dark and ungracious, yet is not the texture of their bodies lovely beyond comparison? you have sneered because the beauty of cell and tissue may build up an idiot. why, oh man, do they build up an idiot? have you no will, have you no understanding, that you suffer such things to be? the darkness and ungraciousness, the evil and the cruelty, are no more than a challenge to you. in you lies the power to rule all these things....”
through the tumbled clouds of his mind broke the sunlight of this phrase: “the power to rule all these things. the power to rule—”
“you have dwelt overmuch upon pain. pain is a swift distress; it ends and is forgotten. without memory and fear pain is nothing, a contradiction to be heeded, a warning to be taken. without pain what would life become? pain is the master only of craven men. it is in man’s power to rule it. it is in man’s power to rule all things....”
it was as if the dreaming patient debated these ideas with himself; and again it was as if 209he were the universal all and job and satan and god disputed together within him. the thoughts in his mind raced faster and suddenly grew bright and glittering, as the waters grow bright when they come racing out of the caves at han into the light of day. green-faced, he murmured and stirred in his great debate while the busy specialist plied his scalpels, and dr. barrack whispered directions to the intent nurse.
“another whiff,” said doctor barrack.
“a cloud rolls back from my soul....”
“i have been through great darkness. i have been through deep waters....”
“has not your life had laughter in it? has the freshness of the summer morning never poured joy through your being? do you know nothing of the embrace of the lover, cheek to cheek or lip to lip? have you never swum out into the sunlit sea or shouted on a mountain slope? is there no joy in a handclasp? your son, your son, you say, is dead with honour. is there no joy in that honour? clean and straight was your son, and beautiful in his life. is that nothing to thank god for? have you never played with happy children? has no boy ever answered to your teaching—giving back more than you gave him? dare you deny the joy of your appetites: the first mouthful of roast red 210beef on the frosty day and the deep draught of good ale? do you know nothing of the task well done, nor of sleep after a day of toil? is there no joy for the farmer in the red ploughed fields, and the fields shooting with green blades? when the great prows smite the waves and the aeroplane hums in the sky, is man still a hopeless creature? can you watch the beat and swing of machinery and still despair? your illness has coloured the world; a little season of misfortune has hidden the light from your eyes.”
it was as if the dreamer pushed his way through the outskirts of a great forest and approached the open, but it was not through trees that he thrust his way but through bars and nets and interlacing curves of blinding, many-coloured light towards the clear promise beyond. he had grown now to an incredible vastness so that it was no longer earth upon which he set his feet but that crystalline pavement whose translucent depths contain the stars. yet though he approached the open he never reached the open; the iridescent net that had seemed to grow thin, grew dense again; he was still struggling, and the black doubts that had lifted for a moment swept down upon his soul again. and he realized he was in a dream, a 211dream that was drawing swiftly now to its close.
“oh god!” he cried, “answer me! for satan has mocked me sorely. answer me before i lose sight of you again. am i right to fight? am i right to come out of my little earth, here above the stars?”
“right if you dare.”
“shall i conquer and prevail? give me your promise!”
“everlastingly you may conquer and find fresh worlds to conquer.”
“may—but shall i?”
it was as if the torrent of molten thoughts stopped suddenly. it was as if everything stopped.
“answer me,” he cried.
slowly the shining thoughts moved on again.
“so long as your courage endures you will conquer....
“if you have courage, although the night be dark, although the present battle be bloody and cruel and end in a strange and evil fashion, nevertheless victory shall be yours—in a way you will understand—when victory comes. only have courage. on the courage in your heart all things depend. by courage it is that the stars continue in their courses, day by day. it is the courage of life alone that keeps sky 212and earth apart.... if that courage fail, if that sacred fire go out, then all things fail and all things go out, all things—good and evil, space and time.”
“leaving nothing?”
“nothing.”
“nothing,” he echoed, and the word spread like a dark and darkening mask across the face of all things.
and then as if to mark the meaning of the word, it seemed to him that the whole universe began to move inward upon itself, faster and faster, until at last with an incredible haste it rushed together. he resisted this collapse in vain, and with a sense of overwhelmed effort. the white light of god and the whirling colours of the universe, the spaces between the stars—it was as if an unseen fist gripped them together. they rushed to one point as water in a clepsydra rushes to its hole. the whole universe became small, became a little thing, diminished to the size of a coin, of a spot, of a pinpoint, of one intense black mathematical point, and—vanished. he heard his own voice crying in the void like a little thing blown before the wind: “but will my courage endure?” the question went unanswered. not only the things of space but the things of time swept 213together into nothingness. the last moment of his dream rushed towards the first, crumpled all the intervening moments together and made them one. it seemed to mr. huss that he was still in the instant of insensibility. that sound of the breaking string was still in his ears:—ploot....
it became part of that same sound which came before the vision....
he was aware of a new pain within him; not that dull aching now, but a pain keen and sore. he gave a fluttering gasp.
“quick,” said a voice. “he is coming to!”
“he’ll not wake for hours,” said a second voice.
“his mouth and eyes!”
he lifted his eyelids as one lifts lead. he found himself looking into the intelligent but unsympathetic face of sir alpheus mengo, he tried to comprehend his situation but he had forgotten how he got to it, he closed his eyes and sank back consciously and wilfully towards insensibility....
