rupert's lectures—the old yellow leather book.
we were very happy—i, rupert, henrietta, and baby cecil. the only thing we found fault with in our lives was that there were so few events in them.
it was particularly provoking, because we were so well prepared for events—any events. rupert prepared us. he had found a fat old book in the garret, bound in yellow leather, at the end of which were "directions how to act with presence of mind in any emergency;" and he gave lectures out of this in the kitchen garden.
rupert was twelve years old. he was the eldest. then came henrietta, then i, and last of all baby cecil, who was only four. the day i was nine years old, rupert came into the nursery, holding up his [14]handsome head with the dignified air which became him so well, that i had more than once tried to put it on myself before the nursery looking-glass, and said to me, "you are quite old enough now, charlie, to learn what to do whatever happens; so every half-holiday, when i am not playing cricket, i'll teach you presence of mind near the cucumber frame, if you're punctual. i've put up a bench."
i thanked him warmly, and the next day he put his head into the nursery at three o'clock in the afternoon, and said—"the lecture."
i jumped up, and so did henrietta.
"it's not for girls," said rupert; "women are not expected to do things when there's danger."
"we take care of them" said i, wondering if my mouth looked like rupert's when i spoke, and whether my manner impressed henrietta as much as his impressed me. she sat down again and only said, "i stayed in all friday afternoon, and worked in bed on saturday morning to finish your net."
"come along," said rupert. "you know i'm very much obliged to you for the net; it's a splendid one."
"i'll bring a camp-stool if there's not room on the bench," said henrietta cheerfully.
"people never take camp-stools to lectures," said rupert, and when we got to the cucumber frame we [15]found that the old plank, which he had raised on inverted flower-pots, would have held a much larger audience than he had invited. opposite to it was a rhubarb-pot, with the round top of a barrel resting on it. on this stood a glass of water. a delightful idea thrilled through me, suggested by an imperfect remembrance of a lecture on chemistry which i had attended.
"will there be experiments?" i whispered.
"i think not," henrietta replied. "there are glasses of water at the missionary meetings, and there are no experiments."
meanwhile rupert had been turning over the leaves of the yellow leather book. to say the truth, i think he was rather nervous; but if we have a virtue among us it is that of courage; and after dropping the book twice, and drinking all the water at a draught, he found his place, and began.
"how to act in an emergency."
"what's an emergency?" i asked. i was very proud of being taught by rupert, and anxious to understand everything as we went along.
"you shouldn't interrupt," said rupert, frowning. i am inclined now to think that he could not answer my question off-hand; for though he looked cross then, after referring to the book he answered me: "it's a fire, or drowning, or an apoplectic fit, or any[16]thing of that sort." after which explanation, he hurried on. if what he said next came out of his own head, or whether he had learned it by heart, i never knew.
"there is no stronger sign of good-breeding than presence of mind in an—"
"—apoplectic fit," i suggested. i was giving the keenest attention, and rupert had hesitated, the wind having blown over a leaf too many of the yellow leather book.
"an emergency," he shouted, when he had found his place. "now we'll have one each time. the one for to-day is—how to act in a case of drowning."
to speak the strict truth, i would rather not have thought about drowning. i had my own private horror over a neighbouring mill-dam, and i had once been very much frightened by a spring-tide at the sea; but cowardice is not an indulgence for one of my race, so i screwed up my lips and pricked my ears to learn my duty in the unpleasant emergency of drowning.
"it doesn't mean being drowned yourself," rupert continued, "but what to do when another person has been drowned."
the emergency was undoubtedly easier, and i gave a cheerful attention as rupert began to question us.
"supposing a man had been drowned in the canal, [17]and was brought ashore, and you were the only people there, what would you do with him?"
i was completely nonplussed. "i felt quite sure i could do nothing with him, he would be so heavy; but i felt equally certain that this was not the answer which rupert expected, so i left the question to henrietta's readier wit. she knitted her thick eyebrows for some minutes, partly with perplexity, and partly because of the sunshine reflected from the cucumber frame, and then said,
"we should bury him in a vault; charlie and i couldn't dig a grave deep enough."
i admired henrietta's foresight, but rupert was furious.
"how silly you are!" he exclaimed, knocking over the top of the rhubarb-pot table and the empty glass in his wrath. "of course i don't mean a dead man. i mean what would you do to bring a partly drowned man to life again?"
"that wasn't what you said," cried henrietta, tossing her head.
"i let you come to my lecture," grumbled rupert bitterly, as he stooped to set his table right, "and this is the way you behave!"
"i'm very sorry, rupert dear!" said henrietta. "indeed, i only mean to do my best, and i do like your lecture so very much!"
[18]
"so do i," i cried, "very, very much!" and by a simultaneous impulse henrietta and i both clapped our hands vehemently. this restored rupert's self-complacency, and he bowed and continued the lecture. from this we learned that the drowned man should be turned over on his face to let the canal water run out of his mouth and ears, and that his wet clothes should be got off, and he should be made dry and warm as quickly as possible, and placed in a comfortable position, with the head and shoulders slightly raised. all this seemed quite feasible to us. henrietta had dressed and undressed lots of dolls, and i pictured myself filling a hot-water bottle at the kitchen boiler with an air of responsibility that should scare all lighter-minded folk. but the directions for "restoring breathing" troubled our sincere desire to learn; and this even though henrietta practised for weeks afterwards upon me. i represented the drowned man, and she drew my arms above my head for "inspiration," and counted "one, two;" and doubled them and drove them back for "expiration;" but it tickled, and i laughed, and we could not feel at all sure that it would have made the drowned man breathe again.
meanwhile rupert went on with the course of lectures, and taught us how to behave in the event of a fire in the house, an epidemic in the neighbourhood, [19]a bite from a mad dog, a chase by a mad bull, broken limbs, runaway horses, a chimney on fire, or a young lady burning to death. the lectures were not only delightful in themselves, but they furnished us with a whole set of new games, for henrietta and i zealously practised every emergency as far as the nature of things would allow. covering our faces with wet cloths to keep off the smoke, we crept on our hands and knees to rescue a fancy cripple from an imaginary burning house, because of the current of air which rupert told us was to be found near the floor. we fastened baby cecil's left leg to his right by pocket-handkerchiefs at the ankle, and above and below the knee, pretending that it was broken, and must be kept steady till we could convey him to the doctor. but for some unexplained reason baby cecil took offence at this game, and i do not think he could have howled and roared louder under the worst of real compound fractures. we had done it so skilfully, that we were greatly disgusted by his unaccommodating spirit, and his obstinate refusal to be put into the litter we had made out of henrietta's stilts and a railway rug. we put the scotch terrier in instead; but when one end of the litter gave way and he fell out, we were not sorry that the emergency was a fancy one, and that no broken limbs were really dependent upon [20]our well-meant efforts.
there was one thing about rupert's lectures which disappointed me. his emergencies were all things that happened in the daytime. now i should not have liked the others to know that i was ever afraid of anything; but, really and truly, i was sometimes a little frightened—not of breaking my leg, or a house on fire, or an apoplectic fit, or anything of that sort, but—of things in the dark. every half-holiday i hoped there would be something about what to do with robbers or ghosts, but there never was. i do not think there can have been any emergencies of that kind in the yellow leather book.
on the whole, i fancy rupert found us satisfactory pupils, for he never did give up the lectures in a huff, though he sometimes threatened to do so, when i asked stupid questions, or henrietta argued a point.
