i used to hear the summer boarders tell a whole lot about a place here in new york kept by mr. delmonico. thar's bin about ten thousand summer boarders down to punkin centre one time and another, and i guess i've carried the bundles and stood the grumblin' from about all of them; and when anyone of 'em would find fault with anythin' i used to ast him whar he boarded at in new york, and they all told me at mr. delmonico's; so i'd cum to the conclusion that mr. delmonico must hav a right smart purty good sized tavern; and i sed to mother—now mother, when i git down to new york that's whar i'm goin' to board, at mr. delmonico's.

wall, i got a feller to show me whar it wuz, and when i got on the inside i don't s'pose i wuz ever more sot back in all my life; guess you could have knocked my eyes off with a club; they stuck out like bumps on a log. wall sir, they had flowers and birds everywhere, and trees a settin' in wash tubs, didn't look to me as though they would stand much of a gale; and about a hundred and fifty patent wind mills runnin' all to onct, and out in the woods somewhar they had a band a-playin'. i couldn't see 'em but i could hear 'em; guess some of 'em wuz a havin' a dance to settle down their dinner; i couldn't tell whether it was a society festival or a camp meetin' at feedin' time. wall, one feller cum up to me and commenced talkin' some furrin language i didn't understand, somethin' about bon-sour, mon-sour. i jist made up my mind he wuz one of them bunco fellers, and i wouldn't talk to him. then another feller cum up right smart like and wanted to know if i'd hav my dinner table de hotel or all over a card, and i told him if it wuz all the same to him he could bring me my dinner on a plate. wall, he handed me a programme of the dinner and i et about half way down it and drank a bottle of cider pop what he give me, and it got into my head, and i never felt so durn good in all my life. i got to singin' and i danced old dan tucker right thar in the dinin' room, and i took a wrestle out of mr. bon-sour mon-sour; and jist when i got to enjoyin' myself right good, they called in a lot of constables, and it cost me sixteen dollars and forty-five cents, and then they took me out ridin' in a little blue wagon with a bell on it, and they kept ringin' the bell every foot of the way to let folks know i wuz one of mr. delmonico's boarders.