the two friends were getting near the end of their dinner. through the cafe windows they could see the boulevard, crowded with people. they could feel the gentle breezes which are wafted over paris on warm summer evenings and make you feel like going out somewhere, you care not where, under the trees, and make you dream of moonlit rivers, of fireflies and of larks.
one of the two, henri simon, heaved a deep sigh and said:
“ah! i am growing old. it's sad. formerly, on evenings like this, i felt full of life. now, i only feel regrets. life is short!”
he was perhaps forty-five years old, very bald and already growing stout.
the other, pierre carnier, a trifle older, but thin and lively, answered:
“well, my boy, i have grown old without noticing it in the least. i have always been merry, healthy, vigorous and all the rest. as one sees oneself in the mirror every day, one does not realize the work of age, for it is slow, regular, and it modifies the countenance so gently that the changes are unnoticeable. it is for this reason alone that we do not die of sorrow after two or three years of excitement. for we cannot understand the alterations which time produces. in order to appreciate them one would have to remain six months without seeing one's own face —then, oh, what a shock!
“and the women, my friend, how i pity the poor beings! all their joy, all their power, all their life, lies in their beauty, which lasts ten years.
“as i said, i aged without noticing it; i thought myself practically a youth, when i was almost fifty years old. not feeling the slightest infirmity, i went about, happy and peaceful.
“the revelation of my decline came to me in a simple and terrible manner, which overwhelmed me for almost six months—then i became resigned.
“like all men, i have often been in love, but most especially once.
“i met her at the seashore, at etretat, about twelve years ago, shortly after the war. there is nothing prettier than this beach during the morning bathing hour. it is small, shaped like a horseshoe, framed by high white cliffs, which are pierced by strange holes called the 'portes,' one stretching out into the ocean like the leg of a giant, the other short and dumpy. the women gather on the narrow strip of sand in this frame of high rocks, which they make into a gorgeous garden of beautiful gowns. the sun beats down on the shores, on the multicolored parasols, on the blue-green sea; and all is gay, delightful, smiling. you sit down at the edge of the water and you watch the bathers. the women come down, wrapped in long bath robes, which they throw off daintily when they reach the foamy edge of the rippling waves; and they run into the water with a rapid little step, stopping from time to time for a delightful little thrill from the cold water, a short gasp.
“very few stand the test of the bath. it is there that they can be judged, from the ankle to the throat. especially on leaving the water are the defects revealed, although water is a powerful aid to flabby skin.
“the first time that i saw this young woman in the water, i was delighted, entranced. she stood the test well. there are faces whose charms appeal to you at first glance and delight you instantly. you seem to have found the woman whom you were born to love. i had that feeling and that shock.
“i was introduced, and was soon smitten worse than i had ever been before. my heart longed for her. it is a terrible yet delightful thing thus to be dominated by a young woman. it is almost torture, and yet infinite delight. her look, her smile, her hair fluttering in the wind, the little lines of her face, the slightest movement of her features, delighted me, upset me, entranced me. she had captured me, body and soul, by her gestures, her manners, even by her clothes, which seemed to take on a peculiar charm as soon as she wore them. i grew tender at the sight of her veil on some piece of furniture, her gloves thrown on a chair. her gowns seemed to me inimitable. nobody had hats like hers.
“she was married, but her husband came only on saturday, and left on monday. i didn't cencern myself about him, anyhow. i wasn't jealous of him, i don't know why; never did a creature seem to me to be of less importance in life, to attract my attention less than this man.
“but she! how i loved her! how beautiful, graceful and young she was! she was youth, elegance, freshness itself! never before had i felt so strongly what a pretty, distinguished, delicate, charming, graceful being woman is. never before had i appreciated the seductive beauty to be found in the curve of a cheek, the movement of a lip, the pinkness of an ear, the shape of that foolish organ called the nose.
“this lasted three months; then i left for america, overwhelmed with sadness. but her memory remained in me, persistent, triumphant. from far away i was as much hers as i had been when she was near me. years passed by, and i did not forget her. the charming image of her person was ever before my eyes and in my heart. and my love remained true to her, a quiet tenderness now, something like the beloved memory of the most beautiful and the most enchanting thing i had ever met in my life.
“twelve years are not much in a lifetime! one does not feel them slip by. the years follow each other gently and quickly, slowly yet rapidly, each one is long and yet so soon over! they add up so rapidly, they leave so few traces behind them, they disappear so completely, that, when one turns round to look back over bygone years, one sees nothing and yet one does not understand how one happens to be so old. it seemed to me, really, that hardly a few months separated me from that charming season on the sands of etretat.
“last spring i went to dine with some friends at maisons-laffitte.
“just as the train was leaving, a big, fat lady, escorted by four little girls, got into my car. i hardly looked at this mother hen, very big, very round, with a face as full as the moon framed in an enormous, beribboned hat.
“she was puffing, out of breath from having been forced to walk quickly. the children began to chatter. i unfolded my paper and began to read.
“we had just passed asnieres, when my neighbor suddenly turned to me and said:
“'excuse me, sir, but are you not monsieur garnier?'
“'yes, madame.'
“then she began to laugh, the pleased laugh of a good woman; and yet it was sad.
“'you do not seem to recognize me.'
“i hesitated. it seemed to me that i had seen that face somewhere; but where? when? i answered:
“'yes—and no. i certainly know you, and yet i cannot recall your name.'
“she blushed a little:
“'madame julie lefevre.'
“never had i received such a shock. in a second it seemed to me as though it were all over with me! i felt that a veil had been torn from my eyes and that i was going to make a horrible and heartrending discovery.
“so that was she! that big, fat, common woman, she! she had become the mother of these four girls since i had last her. and these little beings surprised me as much as their mother. they were part of her; they were big girls, and already had a place in life. whereas she no longer counted, she, that marvel of dainty and charming gracefulness. it seemed to me that i had seen her but yesterday, and this is how i found her again! was it possible? a poignant grief seized my heart; and also a revolt against nature herself, an unreasoning indignation against this brutal, infarious act of destruction.
“i looked at her, bewildered. then i took her hand in mine, and tears came to my eyes. i wept for her lost youth. for i did not know this fat lady.
“she was also excited, and stammered:
“'i am greatly changed, am i not? what can you expect—everything has its time! you see, i have become a mother, nothing but a good mother. farewell to the rest, that is over. oh! i never expected you to recognize me if we met. you, too, have changed. it took me quite a while to be sure that i was not mistaken. your hair is all white. just think! twelve years ago! twelve years! my oldest girl is already ten.'
“i looked at the child. and i recognized in her something of her mother's old charm, but something as yet unformed, something which promised for the future. and life seemed to me as swift as a passing train.
“we had reached. maisons-laffitte. i kissed my old friend's hand. i had found nothing but the most commonplace remarks. i was too much upset to talk.
“at night, alone, at home, i stood in front of the mirror for a long time, a very long time. and i finally remembered what i had been, finally saw in my mind's eye my brown mustache, my black hair and the youthful expression of my face. now i was old. farewell!”
