"the wisest of plans
a letter upsets,
the penny post bans
the wisest of plans
tho' woman's tho' man's,
and then one regrets
the wisest of plans
a letter upsets."
about three weeks after the visit of archie and his friend, mrs. belswin was seated on the fallen trunk of a tree in thornstream park, meditating deeply over two letters lying on her lap. around her the heavy foliage of the trees rustled in the chilly morning air, above her the sun shot golden arrows from the blue sky, and below her feet the lush grass, starred with delicate woodland flowers, sloped gently down to a babbling brook, the brown waters of which rippled noisily over its smooth stones.
but mrs. belswin, with a frown on her face, paid no attention to these things, being occupied with disagreeable thoughts, evoked by the letters aforesaid; and after a pause she took up one impatiently, in order to read it for the second time.
"carissima mia,
"why have you not written to me for so long? every day i say, 'she will send to me a letter,' and every day i find the postman comes not. this is not right conduct to him who adores thee, my lucrezia, and there is fear in my heart that i may lose thee. i am now singing at the theatre folly, in an opera comique called 'sultana fatima,' and they pay me well, as they should, seeing i leave the grand italian opera for this street music. but that my english is so good, i would not have been the chief tenor here. it is not hard to sing, and i am content since i waste not my time and am near thee. but thou, oh my star adorable, must not stay long from him who hungers for thy smile. when does the illustrious husband come again? for i know that he will drive thee back to me, and we will go at once to my beautiful italy. send me a letter and say when thou wilt come to me, or i swear that i will come to thee in the country, in order to behold thee again. thou hast seen thy child those many months; now i will that thou should'st return. i wait thy answer saying thou wilt return, or i myself will behold thee in thy village. cara signora, i kiss your hand,
"thine unhappy
"stephano."
when she had finished this, mrs. belswin let it fall on her lap, with a shrug of her shoulders, and picked up the other letter, which consisted of two lines----
"pethram returns in three weeks, so unless you want trouble you'd better clear out.--a. d."
"had i?" said the reader, sneering. "i'm not so sure about that, mr. dombrain. i'll leave this place when i choose. so rupert pethram is coming home, and i, if i please, can see him. husband and wife will meet again after twenty years of separation. how dramatic the interview will be! i can well imagine it, and yet i am not sure it will take place. i cannot retain my position as chaperon to kaituna if he is in the house. i cannot disguise myself, for kaituna would ask the reason--besides, i'm too impulsive to act a part. if i go i part from my daughter for ever; if i stay, rupert will certainly recognise me, and then he will force me to leave the house. what a terrible position!--to be driven away after a glimpse of paradise; and yet i can do nothing to help myself--positively nothing."
she stopped short, with a feeling of deep anger at her helplessness, but she did not attempt to disguise the truth from herself--she could do nothing. the law was on the side of her husband, and she could never hope to regain the position she had forfeited by her former folly. 'as to stephano ferrari----
"he'll do what he says," she muttered, glancing at the italian's flowery letter. "if i don't go to him, he will come to me, and, with his hot foreign blood, may create a disturbance. i wouldn't mind for myself, but kaituna--i must consider kaituna. if i refuse to go with stephano, he is quite the sort of man to tell her all, and that would exile me from my daughter more than anything else. rupert would make me leave the house; stephano would lose his temper at what he calls my obstinacy--i should not care; but if kaituna knew that i--her mother--was alive, that i had lost my place in the world and become an outcast, she would scorn me--my own child! oh, i could not bear that, it would kill me!"
with her face in her hands she rocked to and fro in an agony of grief, and when she recovered herself somewhat, her countenance, haggard and worn, showed how bitterly she felt the position in which she was placed.
"if i could only die! i wish i could! hell cannot be worse than the life i live now. i am near my child, yet dare not tell her i am her mother; but soon i shall have to go away, and be denied even the poor consolation of being near her. if only i had the courage to kill myself! but there, i have the courage, and would die willingly, were it not for kaituna. oh, god! god! i have sinned deeply, but my punishment is very heavy--heavier than i can bear!"
she had risen to her feet, and was walking to and fro in the narrow space of the glade, swinging her arms in a very storm of passionate grief. the mask she had worn for the last few weeks so carefully was now thrown aside, and she abandoned herself to her agony of despair in the most reckless manner. she wept, she cried, she raved, she flung herself on the ground--in fact, she gave herself up wholly to her mood of the moment. truly the quiet english glade had never seen a stranger sight than that of this savage woman abandoning herself to transports of impotent fury.
"why am i so helpless?" she cried furiously, lifting up her arms to the blue sky. "if i have sinned, i have been punished. for twenty years i have borne my punishment, but i can do so no longer. she is my child--mine--mine--mine! they cannot take her from me. i am her mother! god gave her to me, and man shall not take her away! i love her better than her cold fiend of a father; she is my life, my soul, my existence! if i leave her i shall die. i will not leave her! i will not leave her! no! no! no!"
she stamped furiously on the ground, gnashing her teeth with rage, and staring at the sky with fierce face and clenched hands; but after a time her fury exhausted itself, and, sitting down on the fallen tree again, she began to weep bitterly.
"my little child! oh, my little child! i can do nothing. i must leave you, and go away alone. ferrari loves me, but what is his love compared to yours, dear. you have kissed me, you have placed your arms round my neck, you have given my starved heart the love it desired; and now--now i must give up all, and go away--for ever! oh, cruel! cruel! and i can do nothing!"
rocking herself to and fro, she wept quietly for a time; then, drying her tears, put the letters in her pocket and rose to go.
"i must not give way like this," she said to herself as she left the glade. "it will do no good. i must see how i can manage to retain my position. rupert, stephano, dombrain--they are all against me. three against one, but i'll try my hardest to conquer them. it's a woman's wit against men's brutality; but i'll fight--i'll fight and win. if i win, i gain all. if i lose--oh, god! if i lose!--i surrender everything."
the morning was very chilly, in spite of its being summer, and mrs. belswin, having all the love for warmth inherent in those born in the tropics, shivered at the cold east wind, but feeling too upset to return direct to the house and face kaituna's inquiring gaze, made up her mind to take a brisk walk. she wore a heavy sealskin mantle, and thrusting her hands into the deep pockets, walked quickly against the wind, thinking deeply over her position.
it was truly a terrible dilemma in which she now found herself. exiled from her daughter for so many years, and all through her own fault, yet she had been quite unable to stifle the natural instinct in her heart. it may be that the desire to be near her daughter constantly was all the stronger because she knew it was out of the question, and the enforced suppression of her love in her own breast had given the pleasure of living with kaituna, even as a servant, a peculiar charm of its own. it will doubtless be argued by some people that a woman who could give up her child for the sake of a lover, could not have had much maternal instinct; but then it must be recollected that mrs. belswin had then acted on the impulse of a moment in doing so, and had regretted her folly ever since. when she thought of all she had lost for one moment of folly it made her mad with rage, and she would have sacrificed anything to regain her forfeited position.
thanks to her knowledge of how matters stood, and her own dexterity, she had been enabled to gain her ends for at least some months, but now her husband was coming home again she knew that she would have to seek refuge in flight. she was a bold woman, a determined woman, and all her life's happiness was at stake, yet she knew it was perfectly useless to appeal to her husband for pity or help. by her own act she had forfeited her right to approach him, and the act had brought its own bitter punishment, by robbing her of the delight of gratifying her strong maternal instinct. like a tiger who desires more blood when he has once tasted it, mrs. belswin had just experienced sufficient delight in being near her child to make her passionately regret having to depart. plan after plan she thought of and rejected as useless, because she saw quite plainly that she could do nothing against the position held by her husband. law, society, morality were all against her, and she could only stand afar off weeping bitterly as she surveyed the paradise from which she had banished herself.
"oh, i could kill rupert! i could kill him," she thought madly, "but that would do no good. if i thought it would i should not hesitate. i dare not tell kaituna the truth, because she would shrink from me. rupert, once he knows i am here will not let me remain. if i sold my soul it would be useless. i can do nothing except bear my punishment till i die."
suddenly an idea came into her head. suppose rupert pethram were to die before he came to thornstream. in that case she would still retain her position, and be happy for the rest of her life. but then there was no chance of him dying--a healthy, strong man. and unless something happened he would return to thornstream and turn her out on the world.
"if the ship would only go down! if god would only unchain the winds of heaven and dash the ship to pieces on the rocks."
mrs. belswin, as it will be seen, was not a religious woman when she thought thus, and was willing to sacrifice dozens of human lives in order to get rid of her enemy. it was simply balzac's mandarin over again, and mrs. belswin, with her savage disregard of human life, would have sacrificed all the mandarins in china, yea, china itself, if by so doing she could have retained her position undisturbed.
however, there was but small possibility of either mandarin or ship perishing to please her, so she began to wonder in her own mind how she could get rid of pethram before he could arrive at thornstream. ah, if stephano ferrari----
stephano ferrari! the idea came to her like an inspiration, and she hurriedly thought out a plan. ferrari loved her, he would do anything to get her to marry him. well, she would do so provided he got rid of pethram and secured her position with her daughter. murder! no, not murder, but suppose pethram disappeared? then----
her brain was in a whirl, her throat was dry with excitement, and she leaned against a fence for a few minutes to keep herself from falling, for the earth seemed spinning round her and the sky red as blood before her eyes. with an effort she pulled herself together and looked around.
"mrs. belk's cottage," she said, with a gasp of relief! "i'll go in and rest."
