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CHAPTER XXXI MY CROSS

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upon my return i found the lieutenant so preoccupied over an intended visit to salcedo that one or two vague answers satisfied his curiosity about my early morning excursion. he started out at last, an hour or so before noon, when i contrived with the help of old cæsar to wash my wound and dress it in proper manner. lest the lieutenant or any one else should notice something amiss and make inquiries, i told cæsar he might say i had been bitten by a scorpion, of which, truth to tell, there were enough and to spare in and about chihuahua.

the lieutenant returned much sooner than i had expected. he had been informed that his excellency was closeted with father rocus, and could see no callers. this he took as an unfavorable indication of salcedo's temper, until i assured him i had reason to believe that the padre was a friend and had called on the governor-general in our behalf. the confirmation came during the afternoon in the form of a polite message, brought by walker, requesting pike to call at the palacio that evening without ceremony.

when he returned, it was with the news that all was settled except as to myself. the papers of the expedition were to be held, but pike and the six men with him were to march for natchitoches in three or four days, to be followed shortly by the detachment under sergeant meek, which all this time had been carefully held back somewhere on the el paso road. the lieutenant was inclined to be anxious over my fate, but i could not but trust to the good offices of father rocus.

he met the padre at salcedo's table the following noon, and answered in his usual fearless manner the adroit questions put to him by his reverence. this, i believe, must have proved the last straw to the governor-general, for that evening, while we were visiting malgares, walker brought word that i was free to accompany pike. in his excitement, he spoke of the padre's cleverness in mollifying his excellency over the death of medina, but malgares averted a disclosure of my share in the affair by the laconic statement to pike that he had killed the aide during a duel.

such a happy termination of the affair would have given me great satisfaction had i not been distressed over my failure to hear a word either of or from alisanda. even doña dolores was still refused admittance to her.

this was on a sunday. monday we spent in our preparations for marching. i had need of all the diversion i could find, to keep down the maddening thought that i should have to go without seeing my lady. in my despair i called upon father rocus, who counselled patience, and promised to do what he could to obtain for me a last meeting. but he warned me that even should he succeed, i could expect to see her only in the presence of the family. i begged him to give me some hope for the future. but he shook his head.

"sabe dios!—quien sabe?" he said. "all that i can now say is that, if she cannot follow you to your free republic, she will take the veil."

"no!" i cried. "i cannot give her up!"

"you can if you must, my son. there are few mortals who at some time during their lives do not have to bear a heavy cross. if this one is laid upon your shoulders, you will bear it with manly strength. but there is still a hope for you. i shall advise with her before you pay your farewell call at señor vallois's. if there seems a way of escape, you will receive a message either from her or from myself."

i thanked the good padre, and left him, my heart in a tumult between fondest hope and blackest despair.

in the morning, which was that of the twenty-eighth of april, the day set for us to march, we visited about the city to say farewell to all our friends. but when we came to don pedro's i informed the lieutenant that i wished him to make only a brief call and then go without me. malgares, who was to march in charge of our escort, and with whom we had called upon the weeping doña dolores, assented to my request no less heartily than did pike.

as i had expected, don pedro and doña marguerite received us with the utmost cordiality—but alone. in the midst of our call father rocus entered in a casual manner, but, unlike the vallois, he greeted us with a marked coolness. i was seized with the dreadful suspicion that he had all along been playing double with me. yet there was the memory of that meeting at the parroquia to shame my doubt.

before i could calm my thoughts, pike and malgares rose to leave. i followed them slowly to the door, then suddenly turned back and bent upon one knee to take the hand of doña marguerite.

"señora," i begged, "for the love of god, give me a last word with her! i am going away all those thousands of miles—i fear i shall never again see her—have pity upon me! one word, señora!"

"ave maria purisima!" she murmured, bowing her head and sighing.

i had touched her heart. another plea might have persuaded her. but don pedro came hastening back, his face as cold and hard as a stone.

"your friends will be delayed, señor robinson," he said.

"señor," i replied, rising to face him, "at the least have the justice to hear me out. you know that i love your niece with my whole heart and body and soul. you know that she loves me with a love that will last as long as life itself. our love was born the first time we looked into each other's eyes; since then our love has never wavered. it drew me to her over deserts and mountains, through wildernesses before known only to the red savages; it forced me to face singly the soldiers and prisons and garrottes of your tyrannical rulers. i know now that i cannot hope for you to turn from your cruel purpose. yet for the sake of the friendship you once professed to bear me and for the sake of her love, give me at least a moment's farewell—a word of parting!"

despite the desperate earnestness of my plea, he stood throughout without a trace of relentment in his cold face. but doña marguerite was a woman, and i had spoken from the depths of my heart.

"santisima virgen!" she cried. "it is only for a last moment's adieu!—padre! padre, advise us!"

my heart gave a leap of wild hope as i saw don pedro look about at the padre with respectful attention.

"it is a hard question to decide, my children," deliberated father rocus. "it may well cause her more sorrow than relief. and yet—and yet—"

he paused and seemed to sink into prayerful meditation. don pedro and doña marguerite bowed their heads and murmured "ave!" i stood waiting, in a tremendous stress of doubt and joy, of hope and despair. at last the padre raised his head, and pronounced his opinion: "as her guardian, don pedro, yours is the decision. yet as her confessor, i advise, for the good of her soul, that you do not deprive her of this last consolation. even the meekest will rebel if pressed too hard, and she has a high spirit."

"since you advise it, padre," acquiesced don pedro, though with evident reluctance. "for the good of her soul, they may say adieu. but it must be here, in our presence."

doña marguerite hastened to pull the bell-cord. chita appeared.

"prepare your mistress to say adieu to señor robinson."

chita darted away. we waited, i burning with impatience, the others murmuring prayers. at last my sweet lady appeared in the curtained doorway. though she sought to smile, her face was wan and sad, and her beautiful eyes heavy as if she had wept much and slept little. had not doña marguerite taken the precaution to lay a restraining hand on my wrist, i should have rushed forward and clasped the poor oppressed darling in my arms.

we were permitted to approach each other. i bent on one knee and pressed my lips to the little white hand she gave me. the others watched our every movement and listened for every word. yet i could not restrain myself from speaking out the love with which my heart overflowed.

"dearest one!" i murmured, "it seems that we must now part—it may be forever! i do not see how i can bear to lose you, my darling. but, as the good padre says, we all have our crosses, and it may be that strength will be given to me to endure. yet most of all my heart aches for your grief, alisanda. god grant you surcease of sorrow!"

my voice failed me. i heard doña marguerite sob. but alisanda neither wept nor sobbed. she gazed upward, with a spiritual glow in her dark eyes.

"god will do unto us according to his holy will!" she said.

"ave maria de los dolores!" sobbed doña marguerite.

alisanda looked down at me with the gaze which opened to me those fathomless wells of mystery.

"juan," she said, "they tell me we can never wed. if such be the will of god, we must submit. but—" she held up the gold crucifix of the rosary which hung about her neck—"by la vera cruz i vow to you, beloved, i will wed none other mortal than yourself. if i may not be your bride, i will become the bride of christ!"

"caramba!" swore don pedro. "recall that vow! i command you!"

"god has heard it!" she answered.

"the vow is registered in heaven," confirmed father rocus.

"absolve her!" demanded the don, fairly beside himself with chagrin at this sudden turn that threatened to frustrate all his designs.

"peace, peace," soothed the padre. "i will consider the matter with prayer and meditation."

"satanas!" cried don pedro, turning upon me in a rage. "but for you, she would not have vowed! go!—"

"nada!" i rejoined. "you said i could bid her farewell. i hold you to your word as a gentleman."

he turned on his heel, and strode over to stand beside father rocus, doubtless fearful that he could not otherwise restrain himself from attacking me.

"be quick!" urged doña marguerite.

alisanda took the rosary from about her white throat and held it out to me. her voice kept to the same clear, brave note: "adieu, my juan! we part. you are not a christian, i know, yet as a sign for the guidance of your faith, i give you this golden symbol—la vera cruz!"

as her dear hand placed the cross in my palm, my love and despair burst all bounds. forgetful of all else, i caught her to me and pressed my lips to hers in passionate grief. but in a moment she was torn from me by don pedro, who carried her off, half fainting, from the room. i would have followed had not doña marguerite and father rocus clung to me on either side and implored me to leave before the return of don pedro.

half stupefied with despair, i permitted them to lead me to the stairway, where doña marguerite sobbed out an "adios!" and turned back. the padre hurried me down the stairway and out into the street, where, after a hasty benediction, he hastened back to pacify the violence of don pedro.

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