the illumination which instantly followed was unexpected. it startled me, causing a moment’s check, from which i was just recovering when a voice said,
‘keep still!’
there was a quality in the voice which i cannot describe. not only an accent of command, but a something malicious, a something saturnine. it was a little guttural, though whether it was a man speaking i could not have positively said; but i had no doubt it was a foreigner. it was the most disagreeable voice i had ever heard, and it had on me the most disagreeable effect; for when it said, ‘keep still!’ i kept still. it was as though there was nothing else for me to do.
‘turn round!’
i turned round, mechanically, like an automaton. such passivity was worse than undignified, it was galling; i knew that well. i resented it with secret rage. but in that room, in that presence, i was invertebrate.
when i turned i found myself confronting someone who was lying in bed. at the head of the bed was a shelf. on the shelf was a small lamp which gave the most brilliant light i had ever seen. it caught me full in the eyes, having on me such a blinding effect that for some seconds i could see nothing. throughout the whole of that strange interview i cannot affirm that i saw clearly; the dazzling glare caused dancing specks to obscure my vision. yet, after an interval of time, i did see something; and what i did see i had rather have left unseen.
i saw someone in front of me lying in a bed. i could not at once decide if it was a man or a woman. indeed at first i doubted if it was anything human. but, afterwards, i knew it to be a man,—for this reason, if for no other, that it was impossible such a creature could be feminine. the bedclothes were drawn up to his shoulders; only his head was visible. he lay on his left side, his head resting on his left hand; motionless, eyeing me as if he sought to read my inmost soul. and, in very truth, i believe he read it. his age i could not guess; such a look of age i had never imagined. had he asserted that he had been living through the ages, i should have been forced to admit that, at least, he looked it. and yet i felt that it was quite within the range of possibility that he was no older than myself,—there was a vitality in his eyes which was startling. it might have been that he had been afflicted by some terrible disease, and it was that which had made him so supernaturally ugly.
there was not a hair upon his face or head, but, to make up for it, the skin, which was a saffron yellow, was an amazing mass of wrinkles. the cranium, and, indeed, the whole skull, was so small as to be disagreeably suggestive of something animal. the nose, on the other hand, was abnormally large; so extravagant were its dimensions, and so peculiar its shape, it resembled the beak of some bird of prey. a characteristic of the face—and an uncomfortable one!—was that, practically, it stopped short at the mouth. the mouth, with its blubber lips, came immediately underneath the nose, and chin, to all intents and purposes, there was none. this deformity—for the absence of chin amounted to that—it was which gave to the face the appearance of something not human,—that, and the eyes. for so marked a feature of the man were his eyes, that, ere long, it seemed to me that he was nothing but eyes.
his eyes ran, literally, across the whole of the upper portion of his face,—remember, the face was unwontedly small, and the columna of the nose was razor-edged. they were long, and they looked out of narrow windows, and they seemed to be lighted by some internal radiance, for they shone out like lamps in a lighthouse tower. escape them i could not, while, as i endeavoured to meet them, it was as if i shrivelled into nothingness. never before had i realised what was meant by the power of the eye. they held me enchained, helpless, spell-bound. i felt that they could do with me as they would; and they did. their gaze was unfaltering, having the bird-like trick of never blinking; this man could have glared at me for hours and never moved an eyelid.
it was he who broke the silence. i was speechless.
‘shut the window.’ i did as he bade me. ‘pull down the blind.’ i obeyed. ‘turn round again.’ i was still obedient. ‘what is your name?’
then i spoke,—to answer him. there was this odd thing about the words i uttered, that they came from me, not in response to my will power, but in response to his. it was not i who willed that i should speak; it was he. what he willed that i should say, i said. just that, and nothing more. for the time i was no longer a man; my manhood was merged in his. i was, in the extremest sense, an example of passive obedience.
‘robert holt.’
‘what are you?’
‘a clerk.’
‘you look as if you were a clerk.’ there was a flame of scorn in his voice which scorched me even then. ‘what sort of a clerk are you?’
‘i am out of a situation.’
‘you look as if you were out of a situation.’ again the scorn. ‘are you the sort of clerk who is always out of a situation? you are a thief.’
‘i am not a thief.’
‘do clerks come through the window?’ i was still,—he putting no constraint on me to speak. ‘why did you come through the window?’
‘because it was open.’
‘so!—do you always come through a window which is open?’
‘no.’
‘then why through this?’
‘because i was wet—and cold—and hungry—and tired.’
the words came from me as if he had dragged them one by one,—which, in fact, he did.
‘have you no home?’
‘no.’
‘money?’
‘no.’
‘friends?’
‘no.’
‘then what sort of a clerk are you?’
i did not answer him,—i did not know what it was he wished me to say. i was the victim of bad luck, nothing else,—i swear it. misfortune had followed hard upon misfortune. the firm by whom i had been employed for years suspended payment. i obtained a situation with one of their creditors, at a lower salary. they reduced their staff, which entailed my going. after an interval i obtained a temporary engagement; the occasion which required my services passed, and i with it. after another, and a longer interval, i again found temporary employment, the pay for which was but a pittance. when that was over i could find nothing. that was nine months ago, and since then i had not earned a penny. it is so easy to grow shabby, when you are on the everlasting tramp, and are living on your stock of clothes. i had trudged all over london in search of work,—work of any kind would have been welcome, so long as it would have enabled me to keep body and soul together. and i had trudged in vain. now i had been refused admittance as a casual,—how easy is the descent! but i did not tell the man lying on the bed all this. he did not wish to hear,—had he wished he would have made me tell him.
it may be that he read my story, unspoken though it was,—it is conceivable. his eyes had powers of penetration which were peculiarly their own,—that i know.
‘undress!’
when he spoke again that was what he said, in those guttural tones of his in which there was a reminiscence of some foreign land. i obeyed, letting my sodden, shabby clothes fall anyhow upon the floor. a look came on his face, as i stood naked in front of him, which, if it was meant for a smile, was a satyr’s smile, and which filled me with a sensation of shuddering repulsion.
‘what a white skin you have,—how white! what would i not give for a skin as white as that,—ah yes!’ he paused, devouring me with his glances; then continued. ‘go to the cupboard; you will find a cloak; put it on.’
i went to a cupboard which was in a corner of the room, his eyes following me as i moved. it was full of clothing,—garments which might have formed the stock-in-trade of a costumier whose speciality was providing costumes for masquerades. a long dark cloak hung on a peg. my hand moved towards it, apparently of its own volition. i put it on, its ample folds falling to my feet.
‘in the other cupboard you will find meat, and bread, and wine. eat and drink.’
on the opposite side of the room, near the head of his bed, there was a second cupboard. in this, upon a shelf, i found what looked like pressed beef, several round cakes of what tasted like rye bread, and some thin, sour wine, in a straw-covered flask. but i was in no mood to criticise; i crammed myself, i believe, like some famished wolf, he watching me, in silence, all the time. when i had done, which was when i had eaten and drunk as much as i could hold, there returned to his face that satyr’s grin.
‘i would that i could eat and drink like that,—ah yes!—put back what is left.’ i put it back,—which seemed an unnecessary exertion, there was so little to put. ‘look me in the face.’
i looked him in the face,—and immediately became conscious, as i did so, that something was going from me,—the capacity, as it were, to be myself. his eyes grew larger and larger, till they seemed to fill all space—till i became lost in their immensity. he moved his hand, doing something to me, i know not what, as it passed through the air—cutting the solid ground from underneath my feet, so that i fell headlong to the ground. where i fell, there i lay, like a log.
and the light went out.
