and now—our cargo being all on board, sails bent, and hatches battened down—we began to look forward to the homeward passage. but our anticipations were in no sense pleasurable, for, although we had certainly lived well while in port, we had as yet received no stores for sea use, and we were in grievous doubt as to the intentions of our commander in this respect. at last, when we were fully prepared to refuse to proceed unless we saw some reasonable prospect of being fed while at sea, a boat-load of stores came off, accompanied by a new recruit to take the place of charley, who was busy mat-making in rangoon gaol. he was an old acquaintance of mine, having been cook of a barque called the gemsbok, which lay at auckland during one of my visits—a fair-haired, happy-go-lucky englishman; but a very poor sailor, however able he might have been as a cook. he had not been half an hour on board before he had joined us in solemn condemnation of the scanty stock of provisions he had accompanied on board, declaring that we should all be starved before we got home, unless we made a wonderfully rapid passage. but, with the carelessness of sailors, we allowed our opportunity of protesting to slip by; and next morning, we unmoored and dropped down to monkey point, ready to proceed down the river. for some unexplained reason we lay here all day doing nothing, although everything was as favourable as it could well be for our departure. towards evening, when all hands were sitting on the top-gallant forecastle, enjoying the cool and smoking the universal cheroot of burmah, the devil entered into mick, and induced him to sneak down into the forecastle and search for something to drink. he succeeded in discovering a bottle of square gin—the cayenne and turpentine brand at twelve annas a bottle—in hansen's chest, which, as is customary in all ships' fo'lk'sles, was left unlocked. knocking the neck of it off immediately, he poured the contents into a hookpot, and, at one draught, swallowed about a pint of the horrible stuff. another drink nearly finished it; and in a few minutes he returned to our midst, not drunk, but a raving lunatic. for a little while we were highly amused at his antics; but presently, yelling, "well, so long all!" he rushed to the rail with the evident intention of flinging himself overboard. bill—the other ordinary seaman—and i rushed at him, dragged him back, and, after a severe struggle, got him to lie down. then commenced such a night of labour as i have never experienced before or since. every device that his mad cunning could suggest did he try in order to take his own life. we got not a moment's rest. sometimes he would feign to be asleep; but, the moment we were off our guard, he would be at it again, startling us almost out of our wits, and giving us a fearful struggle before we could get him quieted again. none of the others would relieve us, or lend us a hand—nay, they cursed us for a pair of idiots that we did not let him go, with a wannion on him. how could we? although we bitterly resented the utterly uncalled-for toil, we dared not relax our vigilance: both of us feeling that, if we did, his blood would be upon our heads. and, to add to our miseries, a land-breeze brought off mosquitoes and sandflies in myriads, so that, in our exposed condition, we were stung almost beyond bearing. at last, just as the first streak of dawn appeared over the jungle, he dropped off to sleep in reality. before we had time to snatch the briefest doze came the strident voice of the mate, "man the windlass!" of course mick was excused—he was ill; but we, poor wretches, who had been engaged in a life-and-death struggle with him the whole night through, were compelled to work as if we had enjoyed our lawful night's rest. and we were so weary! hardly able to crawl about from our tremendous exertions, and continually blackguarded for our lack of smartness, it was with no kindly feelings towards mick that we dragged ourselves forecastlewards at breakfast-time, when, the ship being under way and pointed down the river, we had a short spell of leisure. of course he sat up and looked for his breakfast, confound him! as i handed him his coffee, i said, "a pretty fine dance you led bill and me last night, mick!" "fhwat the divil d'yez mane?" growled he. i told him as frankly as i could; and, as soon as i had done, he said, "well, i alwuz tought yez wur a pair ov —— fules, an' now oim —— well sure ov ut. fhwy'nt yez let me go, —— yer dhirty sowls t' hell?" i answered him never a word; but swore solemnly to myself that, come what might, i would never again move one inch to protect a drunken man from the consequences of his own act, and i have devoutly kept that oath.
our progress down the river was but little faster than the flow of the tide, for there was not sufficient breeze to keep the sails full, and we all noticed that the old man seemed to be in an unusual state of nervous agitation. a tiny pillar of smoke astern seemed to attract most of his attention; so palpably, indeed, did he watch it, that we began to whisper among ourselves that he had been paying somebody with the "fore-topsail sheet" again. and the event proved that we were right in our surmise, for before long a steam-launch overtook us, and a peremptory order was given from on board of her for us to lay the foreyard aback. our pilot immediately complied, the launch sheered alongside, and a red-uniformed official climbed on board. his first act was to present the skipper with a piece of paper. but that worthy had no need to read it; he knew well enough what it contained. then a white man, very well dressed, came on board, and began slanging the miserable captain in rare style. he had been at his old games again; eating and drinking—especially drinking—at somebody else's expense during the whole of our stay in port, and then trying to get away without paying his bill. this time, however, matters looked serious for him, for he had very little money, and his bill amounted to one hundred and fifty rupees. there was a tremendous amount of haggling done before the hotel-keeper would accept a compromise; but at last, a number of bolts of new canvas and several coils of rope were transferred to the launch, and with these, i have no doubt, the creditor was very well paid indeed. but what excuse the skipper would hatch up to satisfy his owners about those missing stores we could none of us imagine. undoubtedly he placed himself completely in the power of every one on board by his mean and dishonest behaviour. as if we had only been waiting for his discomfiture, no sooner had the launch left us than we squared away to a spanking breeze, which took us well clear of the land before nightfall, fairly started on our long homeward passage.
and now we all pursued a definite course of action. it was unanimously agreed that the skipper had fairly put himself out of court, and that to him no respect whatever was due. the officers, on the other hand, who did their part well under these trying circumstances, were treated by every one with that deference which was their right, and consequently the work of the ship went on in seamanlike fashion. we were fortunate, too, in getting out of the bay of bengal before the setting in of the south-west monsoon, when the weather is unspeakably vile. steaming weather, variable winds, and frequent deluges of rain make life at sea in the bay then a burden almost too grievous to be borne. the ropes swell so much that they can hardly be hauled through the blocks without any weight attached to them, and the sails become like boards for stiffness. but we had a steady northerly wind, nights of perfect beauty, and days of unclouded sunshine; so that but for the harassing want of good food, which attacked us as soon as we were clear of the land, our lot was as pleasant as any sailor can ever expect. very little work of any kind was done beyond the necessary handling of the sails, for no doubt the officers felt that it would be unwise to attempt too much under the strained conditions of things.
and now in the long night-watches, when over a quiet sea, flooded with moonlight, the sturdy old vessel glided silent as a disembodied spirit, not a flap of a sail or creak of a rope breaking the solemn stillness, i spent many, many hours alone communing with my own soul. the old boy-life was fast slipping away from me, and the ugly sordidness of much that i had endured for the past seven years was already beginning to be mellowed by the softening haze of time. i felt deep, hungry longings for better things—often flushing hotly in the darkness as i remembered how i had wasted my opportunities in australia, and again thinking wearily how utterly friendless and alone i was in the world. i felt that if i only had some one to work for, some one to whom my well-being was a matter in which they took a lively interest, that i was capable even now—in spite of my ignorance—of doing something in the world; and i built whole cities full of castles in the air upon the most filmy foundations. and then all my hopes and dreams would die in thickest darkness of despair. what gleam of bright prospect could there be for me, a mere bit of driftweed upon the awful ocean of humanity, with no destination, except that which i shared with all mankind? so i would lay musing, looking upward into the infinite blue overhead where the never-ceasing glory of the stars kept me most comfortable company. these nights were a grand counterpoise to the petty discomforts and miseries of the day, when the discontent of their lot made the men of my watch so humpy and disagreeable that i could hardly keep out of hot water with them. i had no books but a bible, for which i am now most grateful, because i read that grand old book—a literature in itself—through and through from end to end i know not how many times. and although i know i had not the smallest devotional intent, i am sure that the very fact of saturating myself from such a well of english undefiled was of the very greatest service to me. religion, indeed, was a byword among us. we knew that the owners of the ship were considered a highly religious firm, and that captain bunker was believed by them to be a holy man. illogically, we transferred some of our hatred of his hypocrisy to his employers, who were probably not in the least to blame for our sufferings. therefore, in the many discussions which took place in the forecastle on things in general, the conversation usually turned upon the general worthlessness and scoundrelism of religious people in general, and our captain and owners in particular. there were no arguments, for we were all of one way of thinking, and there was no one to show us any light upon the subject. as far as i was concerned my early piety had all gone, with the exception of an awful fear of death, in what i felt was my unprepared (!) condition, and an utter inability to accustom my tongue to the continual blasphemy of sailor-talk. in other directions my language was as foul as anybody's, so that i had nothing to brag about if i had thought of doing so. as we drew down towards the african land, the question of food became very serious again. the flour which had been bought in rangoon was already almost uneatable—full of vermin of various kinds, and of a dirty grey colour. our cargo was not available, being unhusked rice, or "paddy," and the meat was the worst i had ever seen, with the exception of that in my first ship. a portion of it boiled, and left for a few hours, became white and hard as a piece of marble, with the exuding salt. there was an increasing monotone of grumbling, which nothing but the lovely weather and easy times prevented from breaking into open revolt. at last we made the land somewhere about east london, and it began to be whispered about among us that the old man meant going into algoa bay for supplies. what foundation there was for the rumour i don't know, but it had a marked effect upon every one's spirits, so that she was quite a different ship. port elizabeth had been the harrowby's first port at the beginning of her long voyage, and probably that had some weight in making the skipper determine to call there again. some of his old cronies would doubtless welcome him, for he had not then begun to practise leaving without settling his accounts. whatever the cause, the confirmation of the rumour that we were going to put in re-invigorated us, and we all showed the utmost willingness at every task.
the weather now began to play tricks upon us: baffling winds, fogs, and cold, raw rain replacing the idyllic climate we had so long been enjoying. and, as we gradually crept south, more than one gale gave us a severe drubbing—sometimes blowing us so far off the land that we began to fear he would give up the idea of going in, after all. but when one morning the order came to get the anchor over the bows, and bend on the cables, all doubts and fears were silenced, and a general air of expectancy took their place. the next night the wind veered to the eastward, and blew hard; but under a heavy press of sail we stood in for the land, heading, as we believed, straight for our port. all through the night a keen look-out was kept, but nothing was seen. when the grey, cheerless dawn broke we were still plunging shoreward through the ugly cross-sea, making wretched weather of it, not a dry corner to be found forrard or aft. a dense mist prevented us from seeing many ships' lengths ahead, but that gave none of us forrard any uneasiness, as we believed that with all his faults the old man was a fairly good navigator. two of us were on the look-out, peering through the grey veil, when suddenly on the starboard bow, not more than a mile away, appeared the tall spectre of a lighthouse, the red and white bands upon it just visible. a chill of horror ran through us all, added to the next moment by the appalling cry of "breakers right ahead!" the helm was instantly put up and the yards squared, but oh! how lazily she answered her helm. then the haze lifted, and, as she slowly paid off, we saw all along our starboard beam, and apparently not a cable's length off, the mighty foaming range of breakers that seemed hungry for us, flinging their tops high into the air and bellowing like a thousand savage bulls. just as if there was some almost irresistible attraction drawing us broadside on to that tumult of death, we crawled along, burying the lee-rail under water with the tremendous press of sail we were carrying, and expecting each moment to hear a crack overhead, and see some of our spars go, sealing our death-warrant. but our end was not yet. presently the most despondent among us could see that we were gaining ground, and gradually we clawed off that frightful reef out to the friendly sea again. a good offing having been made, we stood to the westward once more, for the lighthouse we had seen was cape recife, and our objective was but a short distance to the northward of it. we had just struck the wrong side of it, that was all. still, with all our efforts, it was as much as we could do to get into algoa bay before dark, and anchor well to seaward of all the other vessels, in readiness to leave again.
