“stop a minute!” cried madame, as i was being led away. “we may as well settle the wallypug’s affair at the same time and get rid of them both at once. put the creature into the dock.”
his majesty was hustled forward, looking very nervous and white, as he stood trembling at the bar, while madame regarded him fiercely.
“aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” she demanded.
“ye-e-s!” stammered his majesty, though what the poor little fellow had to be ashamed of was more than i could tell.
“i should think so, indeed,” commented the lady. “now then, call the first witness.”
the first witness was a. fish, esq., who coughed importantly as he stepped up into the box with a jaunty air. “let’s see, what’s your name?” asked the doctor-in-law, with a supercilious stare. now, this was absurd, for, of course, he knew as well as i did what the fish’s name was; but as i heard him whisper to madame, the judges in england always pretend not to know anything, and he was doing the same.
“by dabe is a. fish, you doe thadt well edough,” was the answer.
“don’t be impertinent, or i shall commit you for contempt,” said the doctor-in-law, severely. “now then—ah—you are a reptile of some sort, i believe, are you not?”
“certainly dot!” was indignant reply.
“oh! i thought you were. er—what do you do for a living?”
“i’b a teacher of elocutiod add a lecturer,” said a. fish, esq., importantly.
“oh! indeed. teacher of elocution, are you? and how many pupils have you, pray?”
“well, ad presend i’ve odly wud,” replied a. fish, esq., “and that the wallypug.”
“oh! the wallypug’s a pupil of yours, is he? i suppose you find him very stupid, don’t you?”
“doe, i don’t!” said a. fish, esq., loyally. “he’s a very clever pupil, ad he’s gettig od splendidly with his recitig.”
“oh! is he, indeed; and what do you teach him, may i ask?”
“i’ve taught hib ‘twinkle, twinkle, little star,’ ad ‘billy’s dead ad gone to glory,’ ad several other things frob shakespeare.”
“shakespeare? hum—ha—shakespeare? i seem to have heard the name before. who is he?”
“a great poet, born in england in 1564, m’lud,” explained one of the crocodiles.
“really! he must be getting quite an old man by now,” said the doctor-in-law, vaguely.
“he’s dead,” said a. fish, esq., solemnly.
“dear me! poor fellow! what did he die of?”
“don’t ask such a lot of silly questions,” interrupted the sister-in-law, impatiently; “get on with the business. what has a. fish to say on behalf of the wallypug? that is the question.”
“he’s gettig od very dicely with his recitig,” insisted a. fish, esq. “he was repeatig a speech from richard iii. to us this bordig whed the breakfast bell rang, ad that’s why we were late at table.”
“oh! that’s the reason, is it?” said the sister-in-law. “bah! i’ve no patience with a man at his time of life repeating poetry. positively childish, i call it. what was the rubbish?” she demanded, turning to the wallypug.
“a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” began his majesty, feebly.
“what!” shrieked the sister-in-law, starting up from her seat. “say that again!”
“‘a-a horse, a horse, my-my kingdom for a horse,’” stammered the wallypug, nervously.
“traitor! monster!” cried the sister-in-law furiously. “hear him!” she screamed. “he actually has the effrontery to tell us to our faces that he is willing to sell the whole of this kingdom for a horse. oh! it is too much! the heartless creature! oh-h!” and the lady sank back and gasped hysterically. at this there was a terrible uproar in the court—the animals stood up on the seats, frantically gesticulating and crying: “traitor!” “down with the wallypug!” “off with his head!” “banish him!” “send him to jail!” while above all could be heard the cockatoo screaming:
“i told you so. i told you so! down with the wallypug! off with his crown! dance on his sceptre, and kick his orb round the town.”
the poor wallypug threw himself on his knees and called out imploringly, “it’s all a mistake,” and i tried in vain to make myself heard above the uproar.
the whole assembly seemed to have taken leave of their senses, and for a few moments the utmost confusion prevailed. the creatures nearest to the wallypug seemed as though they would tear him to pieces in their fury, and if it had not been for his jailers, the crocodiles, i am convinced they would have done him some injury. “this is outrageous,” i managed to shout at last. “you are making all this disturbance for nothing. what the wallypug said was merely a quotation from one of shakespeare’s plays.”
“oh, it’s all very well to try and blame it on to poor shakespeare, when you know very well he’s dead and can’t defend himself,” was madame’s reply. “that’s your artfulness. i’ve no doubt you are quite as bad as the wallypug himself, and probably put him up to it.”
“yes. down with him! down with the hatless traitor!” screamed the cockatoo.
and despite our protests the wallypug and myself were loaded with chains and marched off by the crocodiles, his majesty having first been robbed of his crown, sceptre, and orb, and other insignia of royalty by the doctor-in-law, who hadn’t a kind word to say for his old sovereign, and who seemed positively to rejoice at his majesty’s downfall. i was highly indignant with his heartless ingratitude, but could do positively nothing, while all of my protests were drowned in the babel of sounds made by the furious creatures in the body of the court.
after being taken from the dock i was marched off in one direction and his majesty in another, and the last view i had of the wallypug was that of the poor little fellow being limply dragged along by two crocodiles in the direction of the dungeons. i was conducted to the top room of a tower, in an unfrequented part of the palace, and there left to my reflections, without any one to speak to for the remainder of the day.
towards the evening i heard some shouting at the bottom of the tower, and looking out as well as i could through the barred window, i saw the doctor-in-law rushing about with a packet of newspapers under one arm—and heard him calling out, in a loud voice, “special edition! arrest of the wallypug! shocking discovery! the wallypug a traitor! sister-in-law prostrate with excitement! the hatless man implicated!” he was doing a roaring trade, as nearly everybody was buying papers of him, and excited groups of animals were standing about eagerly discussing what was evidently the cause of a tremendous sensation in the kingdom of why.
