now indeed i began to realise, in spite of what i so often read in the daily papers, something of the optimistic pushfulness of the commercial traveller. the shop had not been open very long when they began to call, and such was their power of persuasion, so eager were they to sell me something, however little, so as to get a foot in as it were, that i often felt grateful that i was away all day. i left concise orders that nothing was to be bought, but on the occasions when i happened to be at home i felt so soft and yielding in the hands of these persistent pushers of their employer's wares that i could not but pity my wife, charged as she was with the duty of saying no to men who refused to recognise such a word as belonging to any language.
they were so polite, so gentlemanly, so pathetic, and so well informed. they seemed able to talk upon any subject, although they all had a marvellous knack of twisting any topic round to the one they were interested in. the luxuriance and fruitfulness of their imaginations, too, always impressed me, and although i always deprecated them wasting their time over so impecunious a tradesman as i was i had a good deal of joy in their company, bright and cheerful as it always was. but i have also to confess that they were dangerous counsellors. their pleading for small orders, just one line, their utter indifference to the payment, making it so fatally easy to get into debt, i look back upon now with horror. and yet i suppose it is of the essence of business, this hopeful airy outlook upon life. i now see that i might have stocked my shop with the choicest products, might have made it glow again and—but never mind—that comes later. i am not, never was, a strong-minded person; except in certain very restricted directions i am exceedingly prone to take the line of least resistance, but i do feel just a little puffed up with the knowledge that i was so often able to say no and stick to it in spite of all the blandishments of those delightful drummers.
i had been about a year in the shop when i realised that i could no longer expect to do any good whatever with the fancy department. the islanders had obviously no aspirations in the direction of crewel work, applique or any other form of art embroidery. or if they had they did not consider that my emporium was the place to satisfy them. so i began to face the possibility of writing off all the expenditure on that side as a loss, and the only question was, whose? for beyond all controversy i was now in debt—how much i would not know, dared not contemplate. but as my picture-framing was still a going concern, and subject to sudden spasmodic accessions of trade, i was always kept on the tenterhooks of expectation—i dare not say hope—that one big order might put things right. in this i was doubtless somewhat encouraged by a sympathetic fellow-clerk, who used to suggest to me the possibility of my getting orders for frames to be exhibited say in all the stations from king's cross to aberdeen, and just for fun we often used to speculate upon the profits to be obtained from such a contract. i knew perfectly well that i stood not the slightest chance of getting such a bit of fat as such a contract would be, but i felt that it cost nothing to build a castle or two upon its possibilities, and so i did.
indeed i wanted some romance in my grey life now, for i was getting hemmed in on every side. the rates kept going up, the gas bills were crushing, sickness was perennial with us owing to the bad drainage of the house, and to make matters very much worse, the structural conditions of the place rendered it barely habitable. the landlord would do nothing, and i could do nothing, towards making the house fit to live in; and in consequence, as he lived next door, our relations, as they say in the newspapers, were strained. i blamed him then, but now i repent that i did so, for he was a poor man also, and he must have often felt that his rent was in[pg 128] the greatest danger. as indeed it was, although i gratefully remember that i did pay him all that he was entitled to, not indeed without some slight coercion, but still i did pay.
