the fresh year flew on wings. the snowdrops—fair maids of february—faded in the school garden, and their pale, ethereal, green-tipped blossoms were replaced by golden daffodils that seemed to reflect the stronger sunshine. mezereon and other fragrant shrubs put out sweet-scented flowers, and the great white arum lilies were throwing up their sheaths. violets and early primroses might be searched for under sheltered hedgerows, and the japanese cherry-trees were bursting into bud. mother nature seemed to be shaking her garments, and getting ready for the great carnival of spring.
with the longer days, lorraine was often up at windy howe. it was the sort of household where you could arrive at any time without presenting an apology for your intrusion.
"you must take us just as you find us," said claudia. "you know i'm glad to see you, lorraine, but i shan't treat you as a visitor, and have you shown into the drawing-room. you don't mind?"
claudia was sitting in the nursery, rocking the [169]latest addition to the castleton family, a tiny white bundle, with golden down on its pink head. she nursed it dutifully, patting its back with the experience gained with seven other younger brothers and sisters.
"yes, it's rather sweet," she agreed, in answer to a comment from lorraine. "i'd like them all right if they didn't cry so much; it's such a nuisance when they're perpetually squalling. the fact is i'm fed up with children. i never seem able to get away from them here. i've the greatest difficulty in doing my home lessons. violet's always asking me to take the baby or perugia, and lilith and constable are generally tearing about somewhere, to say nothing of beata and romola and madox. lorraine, i've quite made up my mind. i'm seventeen now, and i'm leaving school this summer. i'm not going to stay at home and just help with the children! it isn't good enough!"
"what would you like to do?" asked lorraine, watching with sympathy while her friend made another effort to soothe the obstreperous new little brother to sleep.
"i don't know!" said claudia forlornly. "i don't seem good for anything except to do odd jobs. perhaps i'll go on the land. it would be a change to make hay and hoe turnips. i should be away from violet, anyhow. we've been squabbling again dreadfully of late. i can't stand it much longer. if morland's called up, i'm going off too. i don't care where!"
she spoke resentfully, almost desperately; lorraine [170]had not seen her in such a mood before. she had sometimes guessed that her friend was not altogether happy at home, though until to-day she had never received such a big slice of claudia's confidence.
"couldn't you go to college—or to study something?" she suggested vaguely.
the baby was crying so lustily that conversation was difficult. claudia's remarks were punctuated by the regular tap-tap of the rockers on her chair.
"i've asked father, but it's no use; he won't send me. he says it's beata's and romola's turn now, and they must go to school. life's horrid—i just hate it all!"
the baby, lifting up a despairing wail, also protested against the evils of existence.
"poor little man! he doesn't like life either!" soothed claudia. "there! there! are his toes cold? sissie'll warm them for him. it's no use; i shall have to take him to violet, and she's trying to write letters!"
this little peep behind the scenes at windy howe made lorraine feel worried about claudia. the next time she went to the studio by the harbour, she talked the matter over. margaret lindsay knew the castleton family so well that she might be counted upon for advice.
"claudia's simply fed up!" explained lorraine. "it's partly the children, but principally violet. i don't think i should like to live with violet myself."
"perhaps not, yet she has her good points. [171]on the whole i think she's very decent to all those step-children. with her own little tribe as well, it must be difficult to manage the household. but i sympathize with claudia. when she leaves school i'm sure it will be far the best plan for her to go away from home for a while."
"but her father won't let her!"
"suppose she could win a scholarship? i fancy that would smooth the way."
"oh, do you think she could?"
"suppose you ask miss kingsley if she can suggest any career for claudia? she's sure to be interested in her pupils' plans for the future. i certainly think it's a shame for the girl to be kept at home acting nursemaid to the younger ones. i'd willingly tackle mr. castleton some day and have a little talk with him about claudia, if there's any plan to propose. i knew her own mother, so that gives me a pull. i'd speak to violet, too. i dare say she'd be quite nice about it."
"oh, carina, i wish you would! i think claudia has a wretched time. do you know, the children got hold of the album i gave her for her birthday, and they scribbled all over it? and violet didn't even scold them. wasn't it trying? she lets them scramble about everywhere and do what they like. claudia's so worried, she says her hair's beginning to fall out."
"i didn't know her hair was falling out. she'd better cut it short, in that case. she mustn't on any account let that lovely hair be neglected."
[172]miss kingsley, on being appealed to, was deeply interested. she talked things over with miss janet, and they came at once to a conclusion. there was nothing for it but a good kindergarten training. there were several open scholarships for a kindergarten college whose principal was an intimate friend of theirs. they would write about it at once, and claudia must go in for the examination. they would make a point of coaching her specially. in their minds the whole matter was already decided. it would be a splendid chance for the girl, so they said. that wise old greek slave æsop, who knew human nature so well that his fables are as true to life now as they were two thousand years ago, tells the story of a king who wished to fortify his castle. he asked advice, and the mason recommended bricks, the carpenter wood, and the tanner leather. each thought his own trade supreme. the misses kingsley were perfectly sure that claudia, who was experienced with children, would succeed admirably in kindergarten work. they even saw visions of her being established some day at the gables in the capacity of a mistress.
claudia, on being introduced to her future prospects, gasped a little. she acquiesced, but did not look quite as grateful as her friends had anticipated.
"i'd get away from home, at any rate! and that would be something!" was all she would say to lorraine.
"it would be a career!" said lorraine, fresh from a brainy, bracing talk with miss janet. "once [173]you've got your training, you'll be independent and able to earn your own living."
"um—yes——" claudia spoke without enthusiasm. "i wonder what the college would be like? jolly hard work, i expect!"
"miss janet says it's adorable!"
"oh! there are several scholarships. i wish you'd go in for one and come too; then we should be together."
it was lorraine's turn to look blank. it is one thing to recommend a vocation to a friend, and quite another to take it up yourself. viewed from her own standpoint, the joys of a kindergarten training did not seem so attractive. she began to wonder whether miss janet had overstated them and the delights of independence.
"i—i don't know yet whether i want to leave home, and if i do, i'm going to study art!" she stammered lamely.
"i wish i could study music, but there's not the faintest little atom of a chance of doing that," returned claudia bitterly.
nevertheless, at miss kingsley's insistence, she set to work diligently to read up for the open scholarship examination. miss janet kindly coached her, and gave up many hours of leisure on her behalf. claudia was quite clever at lessons when she chose to apply herself. the progress she made under this private tuition delighted miss janet. miss kingsley wrote fully to her friend the principal of the college, and received a most encouraging reply.
[174]"the girl you mention seems just the kind of student we wish to procure at present," wrote miss halden. "i am allowed a certain liberty of selection, and, so long as a candidate's marks do not fall below a given standard, i may make my own choice. i am not necessarily obliged to award the scholarships to those who send in the best papers, but to those who, after a personal interview, i consider would in the end make the most successful teachers. there are other qualifications to consider besides examination points. charm of manner is an extremely valuable asset in dealing with children; and i would rather train a girl who is gifted with imagination and tact than the most erudite student who is deficient in these necessary qualities. if claudia castleton is what you say, and you can coach her sufficiently to gain a pass, i think she may be almost sure of a scholarship."
the misses kingsley were most excited at the receipt of this letter. they did not tell claudia its full contents for fear she might slack off work, but they could not help throwing out hints.
"it's something to have friends at court!" beamed miss janet, as she put on her pince-nez and took her pupil for latin construction. "you see, we know miss halden so very well. i fancy there's luck in store for you, claudia!"
"yes," said claudia dolefully, as she looked up a last word in the dictionary.
margaret lindsay had taken the opportunity of a visit to the studio at windy howe to speak to mr. castleton on the subject of the possible scholarship. [175]he was busy painting at the time, and far more interested in the proper perspective of his background than in his daughter's future prospects. he agreed abstractedly with anything that was suggested.
"if they'll give her a free training, let her go by all means—don't you think that pearly grey throws the cliff into relief?—i've no doubt miss kingsley's right—i think that gorse-bush is an improvement—yes, she's getting a big girl, i suppose—i had made the cliff darker, but i like the sun on it—the children grow up so fast—i'm glad you like that shade of brown under the rock, because i consider it brings out the whole picture."
young, pretty mrs. castleton, on being appealed to, burst into tragic tears.
"i'm sure i don't want to stand in the girl's light," she sobbed. "if it's the right thing for her to leave home, i suppose she must; but nobody need say i've turned her out. i shouldn't have thought it would be any more fun teaching kindergarten than helping to look after her own brothers and sisters! however, that's a matter of opinion, and i've always tried to do my best by my husband's children, but it's small thanks one gets for it all."
the examination for the scholarship was to be held in london, and candidates were required to fill up beforehand certain papers of application and forward them to the college. the forms arrived on the very last day of term. miss janet summoned claudia to the study and gave them to her.
[176]"they must be signed by your father," she explained, "and you must post them not later than the sixth. the envelope is already addressed, and my sister and i have filled in our part of the application. all you have to do is to get mr. castleton's signature. when miss halden receives these papers, she will send you a card of admission for the examination. that will not be for three weeks, so i shall see you again before you have to go up to london. be sure to go on with your work during the holidays, and give special attention to latin grammar."
"yes, miss janet," said claudia dutifully, taking the large envelope and slipping it into her coat pocket.
"post it to-morrow," urged miss janet, as she dismissed her pupil from the study.
the advent of easter saw rosemary again at porthkeverne. she not only returned for the holidays, but "came back for good". the secret which had haunted and puzzled lorraine since christmas was out at last. rosemary had written home and told the plain, unvarnished, brutal truth.
"signor arezzo says it's no use my going on. he'll never be able to make anything of my voice. i've been at the coll. two terms, and tried my best, but he says it's futile—i'm only fit to warble in a small drawing-room to friends who are not over-critical, and it's a waste of money to stop on here!"
this was indeed a blow. it was a very crushed, disappointed, miserable little rosemary who returned to the bosom of her bewildered family. at [177]first they would not believe the severe decision, and passed through the stages of denial, indignation, and annoyance to realization and resignation. it is so very humiliating to find out that your swan, about whom you have cackled so proudly, turns out to be only an ordinary, domestic, farm-yard bird after all.
evidently the first thing to be done was to comfort rosemary. she needed it badly. she went about the house a pathetic little figure, with big wistful eyes.
"i'm heart-broken, muvvie!" she sobbed in confidence.
"never mind, darling; we want you at home if they don't want you at the college! you can go in for v.a.d. work, and help at the red cross hospital. it's delightful for me to have my daughter back. you don't know how i shall appreciate your company!"
"but i feel i'm such a failure!"
"not at all! you simply haven't slipped into your right niche yet. people sometimes make bad shots before they find their vocations. cheer up! your singing is a great pleasure to us, if it's not fit for a concert platform."
"i never want to sing another note in all my life!" declared rosemary.
little by little details of the tragedy leaked out. lorraine heard many of them, sitting on her sister's bed, while rosemary ruefully unpacked the boxes of music and the tea-things and all the other treasured trifles she had taken to the college.
[178]"he says i haven't the physique for a singer. i've not got enough 'puff' in my lungs. you should see maudie canning, his favourite pupil. she has the most enormous chest, and such a throat! just look at mine!" (rosemary was examining herself in the glass as she spoke.) "it stands to reason, if an organ hasn't proper pipes and bellows, it can't sound. you want such a big voice to fill a concert-hall."
"but couldn't you go on with music just for yourself?"
"signor arezzo doesn't care to bother with amateurs. his time is so valuable that he gives it all to promising students only. no, i've quite made up my mind never to sing again! don't argue with me! it's no use, and only makes me feel irritable. i tell you i'm heart-broken!"
it was terrible to have rosemary in such a disconsolate mood. it seemed to throw a blight over the whole family. lorraine was immensely concerned. in her trouble she turned instinctively to the studio by the harbour. margaret lindsay, who herself had weathered many troubles, was an expert in the art of comfort.
"rosemary's heart is broken!" said lorraine tragically, sitting on the window-seat in the sunshine, and squeezing her friend's arm.
"poor child! tell her that some of the best things in the world have been done on broken hearts! she's very young yet, and i'm sure she's wanted at home."
"that's what mother says."
[179]"and perhaps she mightn't have liked public singing. it isn't all applause and bouquets. i know several professionals, and they talk of long, weary railway journeys, and uncomfortable hotels, and many disagreeables that show a very shady lining to the life. somehow i can far more easily fancy little rosemary happily married and settled down in a home of her own, than touring about to concerts. you mustn't let her give up her singing! she'll make a most delightful amateur."
"she scorns the word 'amateur'."
"she's feeling sore at present, but she'll get over that stage, i hope. i'm not sure if an amateur hasn't infinitely the best of it. i often wish i were an amateur artist. you skim the cream in the matter of enjoyment, without any of the responsibility. in six months i hope rosemary will think differently, and will be the star of the musical parties at porthkeverne, if she can't shine on the stage."
"it's a come-down for her, all the same," groaned lorraine. "i wish she could marry a duke! but no dukes ever come to porthkeverne. perhaps she won't marry at all. some of the nicest people i know haven't married."
margaret lindsay looked out far away over the dancing, gleaming water before she answered; lorraine could not see the shadow in her eyes.
"sometimes it's the person whom you don't marry whom you love the most: the beautiful ideal is never shattered by the actual—it stays up in the clouds always, instead of trailing down to earth."
[180]lorraine was lost in contemplation of her sister's future prospects.
"if she doesn't marry, she'll have to brace up and go in for some other vocation," she decided. "miss kingsley says one ought to look years ahead, but somehow i can't imagine rosemary ever being middle-aged."
"it's an art to grow grey gracefully," smiled margaret lindsay.
