and after this neither sir edward nor his young friend appeared for two whole days. any girl of winifred seton’s impetuous character, who has ever been left in such a position on the very eve of the telling of that love-tale, which had been all but told for several weeks past, but now seemed suddenly and artificially arrested just at the moment of utterance—will be able to form some idea of winnie’s feelings during this dreadful interval. she heard the latch of the gate lifted a hundred times in the day, when, alas, there was no one near to lift the latch. she was afraid to go out for an instant, lest in that instant “they” should come; her brain was ringing with supposed sounds of footsteps and echoes of voices, and yet the road lay horribly calm and silent behind the garden hedge, with no passengers upon it. and these two evenings the light came early into sir edward’s window, and glared cruelly over the trees. and to be turned inward upon the sweet old life from which the charm had fled, and to have to content one’s self with flowers and embroidery, and the canary singing, and the piano, and aunt agatha! many another girl has passed through the same interval of torture, and felt the suspense to be killing, and the crisis tragic—but yet to older eyes perhaps even such a dread suspension of all the laws of being has also its comic side. winnie, however, took care to keep anybody from laughing at it in the cottage. it was life and death to her, or at least so she thought. and her suppressed frenzy of anxiety, and doubt, and fear, were deep earnest to aunt agatha, who seemed now to be living her own early disappointments over again, and more bitterly than in the first version of them. she tried hard to remember the doubt thrown upon captain percival by mary, and to persuade herself that this interposition was providential, and meant to save her child from an unhappy marriage. but when miss seton saw winnie’s tragic countenance, her belief in providence was shaken. she could not see the good of anything that made her darling suffer. mary might be wrong, she might be prejudiced, or have heard a false account, and it might be simply herself who was to blame for shutting her doors, or seeming to shut her doors, against her nearest and oldest neighbours. could it be supposed that sir edward would bring any one to her house who was not a fit associate or a fit suitor, if things should take such a turn, for winnie? under the painful light thrown upon the subject by winnie’s looks, aunt agatha came altogether to ignore that providential view which had comforted her at first, and was so far driven in the other direction at last as to write sir edward a little note, and take the responsibility upon her own shoulders. what miss seton wrote was, that though, in consequence of their late affliction, the family were not equal to seeing visitors in a general way, yet that it would be strange indeed if they were to consider sir edward a stranger, and that she hoped he would not stay away, as she was sure his company would be more a comfort to mary than anything else. and she also hoped captain percival would not leave the hall without coming to see them. it was such a note as a maiden lady was fully justified in writing to an old friend—an invitation, but yet given with a full consideration of all the proprieties, and that tender regard for mary’s feelings which aunt agatha had shown throughout. it was written and despatched when winnie had gone out, as she did on the third day, in proud defiance and desperation, so that if sir edward’s sense of propriety and respect for mary’s cap should happen to be stronger than aunt agatha’s, no further vexation might come to the young sufferer from this attempt to set all right.
and winnie went out without knowing of this effort for her consolation. she went down by the kirtell, winding down the wooded banks, in the sweet light and shade of the august morning, seeing nothing of the brightness, wrapped up and absorbed in her own sensations. she felt now that the moment of fate had passed,—that moment that made or marred two lives;—and had in her heart, in an embryo unexpressed condition, several of mr. browning’s minor poems, which were not then written; and felt a general bitterness against the world for the lost climax, the dénouement which had not come. she thought to herself even, that if the tale had been told, the explanation made, and something, however tragical, had happened after, it would not have been so hard to bear. but now it was clear to winnie that her existence must run on soured and contracted in the shade, and that young percival must stiffen into a worldly and miserable old bachelor, and that their joint life, the only life worth living, had been stolen from them, and blighted in the bud. and what was it all for?—because mary, who had had all the good things of this life, who had loved and been married in the most romantic way, and had been adored by her husband, and reigned over him, had come, so far, to an end of her career. mary was over thirty, an age at which winnie could not but think it must be comparatively indifferent to a woman what happened—at which the snows of age must have begun to benumb her feelings, under any circumstances, and the loss of a husband or so did not much matter; but at eighteen, and to lose the first love that had ever touched your heart! to lose it without any reason—without the satisfaction of some dreadful obstacle in the way, or misunderstanding still more dreadful; without ever having heard the magical words and tasted that first rapture!—ah, it was hard, very hard; and no wonder that winnie was in a turmoil of rage, and bitterness, and despair.
the fact was, that she was so absorbed in her thoughts as not to see him there where he was waiting for her. he had seen her long ago, as she came down the winding road, betraying herself at the turnings by the flutter of her light dress—for winnie’s mourning was slight—and he had waited, as glad as she could be of the opportunity, and the chance of seeing her undisturbed, and free from all critical eyes. there is a kind of popular idea that it is only a good man, or one with a certain “nobility” in his character, who is capable of being in love; but the idea is not so justifiable as it would seem to be. captain percival was not a good young man, nor would it be safe for any conscientious historian to claim for him generous or noble qualities to any marked degree; but at the same time i am not disposed to qualify the state of his sentiments by saying, as is generally said of unsatisfactory characters, that he loved winnie as much as he could love anything. he was in love with her, heart and soul, as much as if he had been a paladin. he would not have stayed at any obstacle, nor regarded either his own comfort or hers, or any other earthly bar between them. when winnie thought him distant from her, and contemplating his departure, he had been haunting all the old walks which he knew miss seton and her niece were in the habit of taking. he was afraid of mary—that was one thing indisputable—and he thought she would harm him, and bring up his old character against him; and felt instinctively that the harm which he thought he knew of her, could not be used against her here. and it was for this reason that he had not ventured again to present himself at the cottage; but he had been everywhere about, wherever he thought there was any chance of meeting the lady of his thoughts. and if winnie had not been so anxious not to miss that possible visitor; if she had been coming and going, and doing all she usually did, their meeting must have taken place two days ago, and all the agony and trouble been spared. he watched her now, and held his breath, and traced her at all the turnings of the road, now by a puff of her black and white muslin dress, and then by a long streaming ribbon catching among the branches—for winnie was fond of long ribbons wherever she could introduce them. and she was so absorbed with her own settled anguish, that she had stepped out upon him from among the trees before she was aware.
“captain percival!” said winnie, with an involuntary cry; and she felt the blood so rush to her cheeks with sudden delight and surprise, that she was in an instant put on her guard, and driven to account for it.—“i did not see there was any one here—what a fright you have given me. and we, who thought you had gone away,” added winnie, looking suddenly at him with blazing defiant eyes.
if he had not been in love, probably he would have known what it all meant—the start, the blush, the cry, and that triumphant, indignant, reproachful, exulting look. but he had enough to do with his own sensations, which makes a wonderful difference in such a case.
“gone away!” he said, on the spur of the moment—“as if i could go away—as if you did not know better than that.”
“i was not aware that there was anything to detain you,” said winnie; and all at once from being so tragical, her natural love of mischief came back, and she felt perfectly disposed to play with her mouse. “tell me about it. is it sir edward? or perhaps you, too, have had an affliction in your family. i think that is the worst of all,” she said, shaking her pretty head mournfully—and thus the two came nearer to each other and laughed together, which was as good a means of rapprochement as anything else.
but the young soldier had waited too long for this moment to let it all go off in laughter. “if you only knew how i have been trying to see you,” he said. “i have been at the school and at the mill, and in the woods—in all your pet places. are you condemned to stay at home because of this affliction? i could not come to the cottage because, though miss seton is so kind, i am sure your sister would do me an ill turn if she could.”
winnie was startled, and even a little annoyed by this speech—for it is a fact always to be borne in mind by social critics, that one member of a family may be capable of saying everything that is unpleasant about another, without at the same time being disposed to hear even an echo of his or her own opinion from stranger lips. winnie was of this way of thinking. she had not taken to her sister, and was quite ready herself to criticise her very severely; but when somebody else did it, the result was very different. “why should my sister do you an ill turn?” she said.
“oh!” said young percival; “it is because you know she knows that i know all about it——”
“all about it!” said winnie. she was tall already, but she grew two inches taller as she stood and expanded and looked her frightened lover into nothing. “there can be nothing about mary, captain percival, which you and all the world may not know.”
and then the young man saw he had made a wrong move. “i have not been haunting the road for hours to talk about mrs. ochterlony,” he said. “she does not like me, and i am frightened for her. oh, winnie, you know very well why. you know i would tremble before anybody who might make you think ill of me. it is cruel to pretend you don’t understand.”
and then he took her hand and told her everything—all that she looked for, and perhaps more than all—for there are touches of real eloquence about what a man says when he is really in love (even if he should be no great things in his own person) which transcend as much as they fall short of, the suggestions of a woman’s curious fancy. she had said it for him two or three times in her own mind, and had done it far more elegantly and neatly. but still there was something about the genuine article which had not been in winnie’s imagination. there were fewer words, but there was a great deal more excitement, though it was much less cleverly expressed. and then, before they knew how, the crisis was over, the dénouement accomplished, and the two sitting side by side as in another world. they were sitting on the trunk of an old beech-tree, with the leaves rustling and the birds twittering over them, and kirtell running, soft and sweet, hushed in its scanty summer whisper at their feet; all objects familiar, and well-known to them—and yet it was another world. as for mr. browning’s poems about the unlived life, and the hearts all shrivelled up for want of a word at the right moment, winnie most probably would have laughed with youthful disdain had they been suggested to her now. this little world, in which the fallen beech-tree was the throne, and the fairest hopes and imaginations possible to man, crowded about the youthful sovereigns, and paid them obsequious court, was so different from the old world, where sir edward at the hall, and aunt agatha in the cottage, were expecting the young people, that these two, as was not unnatural, forgot all about it, and lingered together, no one interfering with them, or even knowing they were there, for long enough to fill miss seton’s tender bosom with wild anxieties and terrors. winnie had not reached home at the early dinner-hour—a thing which was to aunt agatha as if the sun had declined to rise, or the earth (to speak more correctly) refused to perform her proper revolutions. she became so restless, and anxious, and unhappy, that mary, too, was roused into uneasiness. “it must be only that she is detained somewhere,” said mrs. ochterlony. “she never would allow herself to be detained,” cried aunt agatha, “and oh, mary, my darling is unhappy. how can i tell what may have happened?” thus some people made themselves very wretched about her, while winnie sat in perfect blessedness, uttering and listening to all manner of heavenly nonsense on the trunk of the fallen tree.
aunt agatha’s wretchedness, however, dispersed into thin air the moment she saw winnie come in at the garden-gate, with captain percival in close attendance. then miss seton, with natural penetration, saw in an instant what had happened; felt that it was all natural, and wondered why she had not foreseen this inevitable occurrence. “i might have known,” she said to mary, who was the only member of the party upon whom this wonderful event had no enlivening effect; and then aunt agatha recollected herself, and put on her sad face, and faltered an apology. “oh, my dear love, i know it must be hard upon you to see it,” she said, apologizing as it were to the widow for the presence of joy.
“i would be a poor soul indeed, if it was hard upon me to see it,” said mary. “no, aunt agatha, i hope i am not so shabby as that. i have had my day. if i look grave, it is for other reasons. i was not thinking of myself.”
“my love! you were always so unselfish,” said miss seton. “are you really anxious about him? see how happy he looks—he cannot be so fond of her as that, and so happy, and yet a deceiver. it is not possible, mary.”
this was in the afternoon, when they had come out to the lawn with their work, and the two lovers were still together—not staying in one place, as their elders did, but flitting across the line of vision now and then, and, as it were, pervading the atmosphere with a certain flavour of romance and happiness.
“i did not say he was a deceiver—he dared not be a deceiver to winnie,” said mrs. ochterlony; “there may be other sins than that.”
“oh, mary, don’t speak as if you thought it would turn out badly,” cried aunt agatha, clasping her hands; and she looked into mrs. ochterlony’s face as if somehow she had the power by retracting her opinion to prevent things from turning out badly. mary was not a stoic, nor above the sway of all the influences around her. she could not resist the soft pleading eyes that looked into her face, nor the fascination of her young sister’s happiness. she held her peace, and even did her best to smile upon the spectacle, and to hope in her heart that true love might work magically upon the man who had now, beyond redemption, winnie’s future in his hands. for her own part, she shrank from him with a vague sense of alarm and danger; and had it been possible to do any good by it, would have felt herself capable of any exertion to cast the intruder out. but it was evident that under present circumstances there was no good to be done. she kept her boys out of his way with an instinctive dread which she could not explain to herself, and shuddered when poor aunt agatha, hoping to conciliate all parties, set little wilfrid for a moment on their visitor’s knee, and with a wistful wile reminded him of the new family relationships winnie would bring him. mary took her child away with a shivering sense of peril which was utterly unreasonable. why had it been wilfrid of all others who was brought thus into the foreground? why should it be he who was selected as a symbol of the links of the future? wilfrid was but an infant, and derived no further impression from his momentary perch upon captain percival’s knee, than that of special curiosity touching the beard which was a new kind of ornament to the fatherless baby, and tempting for closer investigation; but his mother took him away, and carried him indoors, and disposed of him carefully in the room which miss seton had made into a nursery, with an anxious tremor which was utterly absurd and out of all reason. but though instinct acted upon her to this extent, she made no further attempt to warn winnie or hinder the course of events which had gone too fast for her. winnie would not have accepted any warning—she would have scorned the most trustworthy advice, and repulsed even the most just and right interference—and so would mary have done in hugh ochterlony’s case, when she was winnie’s age. thus her mouth was shut, and she could say nothing. she watched the two with a pathetic sense of impotence as they went and came, thinking, oh, if she could but make him what hugh ochterlony was; and yet the major had been far, very far from perfect, as the readers of this history are aware. when captain percival went away, the ladies were still in the garden; for it was necessary that the young man should go home to the hall to join sir edward at dinner, and tell his story. winnie, a changed creature, stood at the garden-gate, leaning upon the low wall, and watched him till he was out of sight; and her aunt and her sister looked at her, each with a certain pathos in her face. they were both women of experience in their different ways, and there could not but be something pathetic to them in the sight of the young creature at the height of her happiness, all-confident and fearing no evil. it came as natural to them to think of the shadows that must, even under the happiest conditions, come over that first incredible brightness, as it was to her to feel that every harm and fear was over, and that now nothing could touch or injure her more. winnie turned sharp round when her lover disappeared, and caught mary’s eye, and its wistful expression, and blazed up at once into momentary indignation, which, however, was softened by the contempt of youth for all judgment other than its own, and by the kindly influence of her great happiness. she turned round upon her sister, sudden and sharp as some winged creature, and set her all at once on her defence.
“you do not like him,” she said, “but you need not say anything, mary. it does not matter what you say. you had your day, and would not put up with any interference—and i know him a hundred—a thousand times better than you can do; and it is my day now.”
“yes,” said mary. “i did not mean to say anything. i do not like him, and i think i have reason; but winnie, dear, i would give anything in the world to believe that you know best now.”
“oh, yes, i know best,” said winnie, with a soft laugh; “and you will soon find out what mistakes people make who pretend to know—for i am sure he thinks there could be something said, on the other side, about you.”
“about me,” said mary—and though she did not show it, but stood before her sister like a stately tower firm on its foundation, she was aware of a thrill of nervous trembling that ran through her limbs, and took the strength out of them. “what did he say about me?”
“he seemed to think there was something that might be said,” said winnie, lightly. “he was afraid of you. he said you knew that he knew all about you; see what foolish ideas people take up! and i said,” winnie went on, drawing herself up tall and straight by her stately sister’s side, with that superb assumption of dignity which is fair to see at her age, “that there never could be anything about you that he and all the world might not know!”
mary put out her hand, looking stately and firm as she did so—but in truth it was done half groping, out of a sudden mist that had come up about her. “thank you, winnie,” she said, with a smile that had anguish in it; and winnie with a sudden tender impulse out of her own happiness, feeling for the first time the contrast, looked at mary’s black dress beside her own light one, and at mary’s hair as bright as her own, which was put away beneath that cap which she had so often mocked at, and threw her arms round her sister with a sudden thrill of compassion and tenderness unlike anything she had ever felt before.
“oh, mary, dear!” she cried, “does it seem heartless to be so happy and yet to know that you——”
“no,” said mary, steadily—taking the girl, who was as passionate in her repentance as in her rebellion, to her own bosom. “no, winnie; no, my darling—i am not such a poor soul as that. i have had my day.”
and it was thus that the cloud rolled off, or seemed to roll off, and that even in the midst of that sharp reminder of the pain which life might still have in store for her, the touch of nature came to heal and help. the enemy who knew all about it might have come in bringing with him sickening suggestions of horrible harm and mischief; but anything he could do would be in vain here, where everybody knew more about her still; and to have gained as she thought her little sister’s heart, was a wonderful solace and consolation. thus mary’s faith was revived again at the moment when it was most sorely shaken, and she began to feel, with a grateful sense of peace and security, the comfort of being, as aunt agatha said, among her own friends.
