in the evening, when the fever returned, she seemed already much more dangerously affected.
on her robust body, the malady had violently taken hold,—the malady recognized too late, and insufficiently nursed because of her stubbornness as a peasant, because of her incredulous disdain for physicians and medicine.
and little by little, in ramuntcho, the frightful thought of losing her installed itself in a dominant place; during the hours of watchfulness spent near her bed, silent and alone, he was beginning to face the reality of that separation, the horror of that death and of that burial,—even all the lugubrious morrows, all the aspects of his future life: the house which he would have to sell before quitting the country; then, perhaps, the desperate attempt at the convent of amezqueta; then the departure, probably solitary and without desire to return, for unknown america—
the idea also of the great secret which she would carry with her forever,—of the secret of his birth,—tormented him more from hour to hour.
then, bending over her, and, trembling, as if he were about to commit an impious thing in a church, he dared to say:
“mother!—mother, tell me now who my father is!”
she shuddered at first under the supreme question, realizing well, that if he dared to question her thus, it was because she was lost. then, she hesitated for a moment: in her head, boiling from fever, there was a battle; her duty, she discerned well no longer; her obstinacy which had lasted for so many years faltered almost at this hour, in presence of the sudden apparition of death—
but, resolved at last forever, she replied at once, in the brusque tone of her bad days:
“your father!—and what is the use, my son?—what do you want of your father who for twenty years has never thought of you?—”
no, it was decided, ended, she would not tell. anyway, it was too late now; at the moment when she would disappear, enter into the inert powerlessness of the dead, how could she risk changing so completely the life of that son over whom she would no longer watch, how could she surrender him to his father, who perhaps would make of him a disbeliever and a disenchanted man like himself! what a responsibility and what an immense terror—!
her decision having been taken irrevocably, she thought of herself, feeling for the first time that life was closing behind her, and joined her hands for a sombre prayer.
as for ramuntcho, after this attempt to learn, after this great effort which had almost seemed a profanation to him, he bent his head before his mother's will and questioned no longer.
