the poor old grandmother who sang so constantly was dying.
we were all standing about her bed at nightfall one spring evening. she had been ailing scarcely more than forty-eight hours; but the doctor said that on account of her great age she could not rally, and he pronounced her end to be very near.
her mind had become clear; she no longer mistook our names, and in a sweet calm voice she begged us to remain near her—it was doubtless the voice of other days, the one that i had never heard before.
as i stood close to my father's side i turned my eyes from my dying grandmother, and they wandered about the room with its old-fashioned furniture. i looked especially at the pictures of bouquets in vases that hung upon the wall. oh! those poor little water colors in my grandmother's room, how ingenuous they were! they all bore this inscription: “a bouquet for my mother,” and under this there was a little verse of four lines dedicated to her which i could now read and understand. these works of art had been painted by my father in his early boyhood, and he had presented them to his mother upon each joyful anniversary. the poor, unpretentious little pictures bore testimony to the humble life of those early days, and they spoke of the sacred intimacy of mother and son,—they had been painted during the time which followed those great ordeals, the wars, the english invasion and the burning over of the country by the enemy. for the first time i realized that my grandmother too had been young; that, without doubt, before the trouble with her head, my father had loved her as i loved my mamma, and i felt that he would sorrow greatly when he lost her; i felt sorry for him and i was also full of remorse because i had laughed at her singing, and had been amused when she spoke to her image reflected in the looking-glass.
they sent me down stairs. on different pretexts, the reason for which i did not understand, they kept me away from the room until the day was over; then they took me to the house of our friends, the d——s, where i was to have dinner with lucette.
when, at about half past eight, i returned home with my nurse, i insisted upon going straight to my grandmother's room.
when i entered i was struck with the order and the air of profound peace that pervaded the room. my father was sitting motionless at the head of the bed—he was in the shadow, the open curtains were draped with great precision, and on the pillow, just in its middle, was the head of my sleeping grandmother; her whole position had about it something very regular—something that suggested eternal rest.
my mother and sister were seated beside a chiffonier near the door, from which place they had kept watch over my grandmother during her illness. as soon as i entered they signalled to me with their hands as if to say: “softly, softly, make no noise; she is asleep.” the shade of their lamp threw a vivid light upon the material they were busied with, a number of little silk squares, brown, yellow, gray, etc., that i recognized as pieces of their old dresses and hat ribbons.
at first i thought that they were working upon things which it is customary to prepare for people about to die; but when i, in a very low voice and with some uneasiness, questioned them about it, they explained that they were making sachets which were to be sold for charity.
i said that i wished to bid grandmother good night before retiring, and they allowed me to go towards the bed; but before i reached the middle of the room they, after glancing quickly at each other, changed their minds.
“no, no,” they said in a very low voice, “come back, you might disturb her.”
but before they spoke i came to a halt of myself, i was overwhelmed with terror—i understood.
although fear kept me fixed to the spot i noted with astonishment that my grandmother was not at all disagreeable to look at; i had never before seen a dead person, and i had imagined until then, that when the spirit took its departure all that remained was a grinning, hideous skeleton. on the contrary my grandmother had upon her face an extremely sweet and tranquil smile; she was as beautiful as ever, and her face appeared to be rejuvenated and filled with a holy peace.
then there passed through my mind one of those sad flashes which sometimes come to little children and permit them to see for a moment into hidden depths, and i reflected: how can grandmother be in heaven, how am i to understand the division of the one body into two parts, for that which was left for interment, was it not my grandmother herself, ah! was it not she even to the very expression that she bore in life?
after that i stole away with a bruised heart and downcast spirit, not daring to ask a question of any one, fearful lest what i had so unerringly divined would be confirmed, i did not wish to hear the dread and terrible word pronounced. . . .
for a long time thereafter little silken sachet bags were always associated in my mind with the idea of death.
