i wish now to speak of the anguish caused by a story that was read to me. (i seldom read for myself, and in fact i disliked books very much.)

a very disobedient little boy who had run away from his family and his native land, years later, after the death of his parents and his sister, returned alone to visit his parental home. this took place in november, and naturally the author described the dull gray sky and spoke of the bleak wind that blew the few remaining leaves from the trees.

in a deserted garden, in an arbor stripped of all its green, the prodigal son in stooping down found among the autumn leaves a bluish bead that had lain there since the time he had played in the bower with his sister.

oh! at that point i begged them to cease reading, for i felt the sobs coming. i could see, see vividly, that solitary garden, that leafless old arbor, and half-hidden under the reddish leaves i saw that blue bead, souvenir of the dead sister. . . . it depressed me dreadfully and gave me a conception of that inevitable fading away of everything and every one, of the great universal change that comes to all.

it is strange that my tenderly guarded infancy should have been so full of sad emotions and morbid reflections.

i am sure that the sad days and happenings were rare, and that i lived the joyous and careless life of other children; but just because the happy days were so habitual to me they made no impression upon my mind, and i can no longer recall them.

my memories of the summer time are so similar that they break with the splendor of the sun into the dark places and things of my mind.

and always the great heat, the deep blue skies, the sparkling sand of the beach and the flood of light upon the white lime walls of the cottages of the little villages upon the “island” induced in me a melancholy and sleepiness which i afterwards experienced with even greater intensity in the land of the turk.