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CHAPTER XXIII HUMPHREY COUNTS HIS CHICKENS

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humphrey went from kencote to thatchover, where lady aldeburgh was for the time being residing with her numerous family. this did not include her husband, who preferred to play a box and cox game with her in respect of his two houses; but on his way through london humphrey called on his prospective father-in-law to gain formal authorisation of his suit.

lord aldeburgh had fitted himself up a suite of bachelor chambers on the top floor of his great house in manchester square, and had installed a lift, which no one was allowed to use without his permission, as its rumbling disturbed him in his chosen occupations. the chief of these was the collection of portraits of people and pictures of places, which he cut out of illustrated papers and magazines and pasted into large albums, indexing them up very thoroughly as he went on. he was also an ardent attender of plays and concerts and a persistent but indifferent bridge-player. he had found a club where the stakes were half a crown a hundred, and there was always a rubber to be had in the afternoon. so in the winter, which he spent mostly in london, his days were fully occupied. early in the year he went to the riviera or to egypt, and about the time that his family came up to london for the season he installed himself at thatchover and enjoyed his garden. in the autumn he went abroad again or travelled about england. he was not a rich man, but he was an entirely happy and contented one.

"his lordship is very busy this morning and i don't think he would like to be disturbed," said the servant who opened the door.

"well, take up my name and say i won't keep him long," said humphrey. "i'll come up with you."

"i don't think his lordship will see you, sir," said the man; but humphrey climbed the four flights of stairs after him and waited in the hall of lord aldeburgh's self-contained flat until he was admitted to the presence.

lord aldeburgh was in what he called his work-room. it was a large light room furnished chiefly with deal tables, each devoted to a particular pursuit. one had paste-pots and scissors and knives and rulers and a sheet of glass and a pile of papers and albums. another was for the making of jig-saw puzzles, a third for their elucidation, a fourth was for typewriting; and there was a reduplicating apparatus, and another table with materials for illuminating. the walls were covered with rubbings of monumental brasses, all ingeniously overlaid with colour and gilding. lord aldeburgh had hundreds more of these rubbings rolled up and put away in labelled drawers, and hoped before he died to have acquired one of every brass in england.

he was standing by his scissors-and-paste table when humphrey went in, and there was a slight frown of annoyance on his otherwise amiable face. he was a big man, clean-shaven except for the rudiments of a pair of whiskers, and looked like an intelligent family solicitor, preoccupied with affairs of moment. his appearance had sometimes caused him to be taken for a serious politician and had caused him some annoyance. "i'm all for the constitution and that sort of thing," he was accustomed to say, "and my vote's safe enough when it's wanted. but i will not take the chair at political meetings. it interferes with my work. besides, if they interrupt i don't know what to say." he had on a voluminous apron with bib and pockets over his tweed suit, which rather detracted from his habitual air of weight; but paste was sticky, and lord aldeburgh was careful of his clothes, which it was his custom to wear until they were hardly worth passing on to his valet.

"always pleased to see you," he said, shaking hands, his habitual courtesy struggling with his annoyance at being disturbed. "but if you hadn't come straight up i should have asked you to call again to-morrow. friday is a very busy day with me. i have all these papers to get through, and there are so many of them now that if i don't clear them up at once the next week's are on me before i know where i am."

"i'm sorry," said humphrey, looking with interest at the pile of cut-out pictures on the table and the pile of disjointed papers on the floor. "but i'm going down to thatchover this afternoon and i had to see you first."

"oh, you're going down to thatchover!" repeated lord aldeburgh. "i wish i could get down. there's a good deal of replanting being done, and my gardener is such a fool that if i'm not on the spot something's bound to go wrong, though i type him out the most detailed instructions. but i really can't get away at present. i'll tell you what you might do. just see whether he's put glass over the androsaces and things in the rock-garden, will you? my wife's no good at that sort of thing; she don't care about it. i don't believe she knows the difference between a saxifrage and a sedum; and you can't trust to servants. if you'll do that, like a good fellow, i shall be very much obliged to you."

"certainly i will," said humphrey, taking out his pocketbook. "better give me the name of the things."

"i'll type out a list from my garden book and send it down to you," said lord aldeburgh. "they're all properly labelled, and if you'll just go through them—— thanks very much; you've relieved me of an anxiety. i very nearly threw everything up to go down for a day. but i'm glad i didn't now. well, if you don't mind i'll get on with my work now that's settled."

he held out his hand with an engaging smile, but humphrey said, "i haven't told you what i came about yet. i want to marry susan. she's game, and lady aldeburgh doesn't object. but i wanted to know what you thought about it before we went ahead."

a frown of perplexity showed itself on lord aldeburgh's face. "marry susan!" he repeated. "well, i don't see any objection, if you think she's old enough. but——"

"she's twenty-four," interpolated humphrey.

"twenty-four! is she really? well, it shows what i've always said, that time flies quicker than you think it does. twenty-four! my goodness! well, then, of course she's old enough, and i rather wonder my wife hasn't seen to it before. and what i was going to say was that my wife looks after all that sort of thing, and i'm much too busy a man to be worried about details. if i give my consent, which you're quite right in coming to ask for, i hope i shan't have any more bother about it. that's all i meant."

"i don't see why you should be bothered," said humphrey. "there'll be questions of settlements, i suppose. but the lawyers will fix up all that."

"oh, my goodness, yes!" said lord aldeburgh. "thank heaven all that sort of thing was fixed up when i was married myself. i don't want ever to go through it again. it was sign, sign, sign from morning to night. i've forgotten what the girls were to have when they married, but i know it wasn't much, and i'm not in a position to increase it. the rock-garden cost me an infernal lot of money last year, and i'm going to enlarge it. i suppose you don't know where i can get good blocks of limestone fairly cheap, do you? i don't care much about the sandstone i've got. at least, i don't want any more of it."

"no, i don't know," said humphrey. "you had better give me the name of your solicitors, and we can get on to them. i suppose i can settle all the other points with lady aldeburgh."

"oh, my goodness, yes!" said lord aldeburgh. "i'm much too busy to attend to it. look here, i'll show you an interesting thing. it just proves what we were talking about just now, how time flies. you see this picture of miss enid brown, of laurel lodge, reigate, who is going to marry this fellow, mr. bertie pearson, of the cromwell road?"

"yes, i see," said humphrey. "i don't particularly envy mr. bertie pearson."

"oh, i think she's a very nice-looking girl," said lord aldeburgh. "but that isn't the point. now twenty-two years ago, when i first began to make my collection, one of the first photographs i got was of a mr. horace brown, of petersfield house, reigate, who married—here he is—i was just looking it up when you came in—see?—miss mary carter, of croydon—turn to the c book for her—it's all carefully cross-indexed—here she is. now you've only got to compare these two faces—miss enid brown and mrs. horace brown—miss carter that was—taking reigate into consideration—to make it quite plain that they are mother and daughter. you see it at once, don't you?"

"yes," said humphrey. "same silly sort of simper."

"oh, well, i don't know about that. but that isn't the point. the point is that this particular work of mine, which i just took up five-and-twenty years or so ago to amuse myself with, is developing into something that will be of the greatest importance to the nation by and by. when i die i've a jolly good mind to leave it to the british museum; or if i could get some fellow to leave some money and have it carried on—why, there's no telling what it wouldn't come to. here you're beginning to have an illustrated register of every single soul in the country that amounts to anything. if you're good enough to have your portrait in some paper you're good enough to go down to posterity in my collection. i tell you, it's monumental. already i've got thousands and thousands of portraits—not only of people like ourselves that you can look up in a book, but of thousands of others—quite respectable people—and at all stages. why, if i were to begin to publish the whole thing in parts i should make a fortune, and i've a jolly good mind to see some publisher and get it done. there isn't a soul whose name was represented who wouldn't buy it. i can tell you it's turning into a jolly big thing."

"well, it is rather interesting," said humphrey. "what have you got about the clintons?"

"oh, of course, i've got a separate book about the clintons. like to see it? you'll find some pictures of your little lot there."

"well, if i may, some other time," said humphrey. "my train goes in half an hour, and i must be getting off. then you've no objection to my urging my suit? i believe that's the correct expression."

"not a bit in the world, my dear fellow," replied lord aldeburgh. "i'm not much of a family man. i'm too busy. but from what i've seen of her i should say susan would make you a good wife, and i'm sure you'll make her a good husband. so i wish you every sort of good luck. and now i must get to work again."

so, blessed with lord aldeburgh's approval, humphrey went down to thatchover, and found a party of considerable size assembled there, all bent on extracting as much amusement as possible out of the passing hours.

he arrived at dusk and found the family and its guests assembled in the big hall of the house. the men had been shooting, the women playing bridge, for the weather was too raw for them to care about leaving the warmth of the house. humphrey received a somewhat vociferous welcome, for there was no one in the house with whom he was not on terms of intimacy, and felt cheered by the warmth of social intercourse into which he was plunged. "this really is rather jolly," he said to susan clinton, with whom he found himself presently sitting a little apart from the noisy central group. "i don't know that i ever want anything better than a big house in the country and to have it filled with jolly people."

"i shouldn't like to live in the country all the year round," said susan. "you'd soon get out of touch."

"oh, lor', yes," said humphrey. "i didn't mean that. look at my people at kencote. it's jolly enough there every now and then in the winter when there's something to do, although it isn't exactly gay. but to settle down there year in and year out for ever—i'd just as soon emigrate. and that's what i want to talk to you about. things are going all right for us. we shall have enough to get along on. i tell you, i'm in high favour. but the idea is that we shall set up in the dower-house, and——"

"oh, but that will be delightful!" susan interrupted him. "with all those jolly old things! and the presents we shall have! humphrey, how ripping! and there's plenty of room to have people there. if we can afford to do things well——"

"yes, that'll be all right," said humphrey. "but the idea is that we shall cut all the rest. i'm to give up my job, which i don't care about either one way or the other, except that it keeps me about where i want to be, and i'm to be sort of head bailiff. that's the scheme, as it's shaping itself out. question is whether it's good enough."

"do you mean we shouldn't be allowed to go to london at all?"

"oh, allowed! we could go up for a day or two now and again—though if i know my respected parent there would be black looks even at that, if we did it too often—but as for anything more than that—— no, it's meant and it's intended to mean that i join the governor in business. he's really, if you look at it properly, a farmer in a big way, and he's not very good at it, though he thinks he is. it's where i come in over dick that he must have somebody to help him out of the muddles he makes, and that will be a pretty stiff job, and there won't be much running away from it."

"then you mean we can't even pay visits?"

"precious few of 'em. we shall be expected to stay at home and lead the domestic life. are we cut out for it, susan?"

she smiled at him, and slipped her hand into his. "i shan't mind very much, humphrey," she said.

humphrey returned her pressure. "good girl!" he said. "i don't know that i shall either for a few years. but we'd better look it all in the face. we shall feel cut off, there's no doubt of it. but there's this to be said, it won't last for ever. if we're submissive now—well, in the long run we shall come off all right. question is, can you make up your mind to stand it for as long as may be necessary?'

"i can if you can," said susan.

"oh, i shall be better off than you. i'm afraid there's no doubt you'll be dull at times. we'll have our own friends to stay with us, but there won't be much going on at home to enliven us. it isn't like other big houses in the country. still, there are the kids. they're growing up, and they're pretty bright. you ought to get some fun out of them, and it'll be a godsend to them to have somebody like you about the place."

"i'm not certain that they care for me much," said susan; "and i'm a little afraid of them. in fact, i'm rather afraid of all your family, humphrey. do you think mrs. clinton likes me?"

"oh, of course she does," said humphrey. "you'll get on well with the whole bunch of them. and as for the governor, you've only got to flatter him a bit and avoid treading on his corns, and you can live in his pocket—if you want to. i say, susan, excuse my asking, but is your own papa all there?"

susan laughed. "he has never grown up. that's all," she said. "but his tastes are harmless enough. think what it would be if he had a taste for running after—well—er—you know—like clinton. he doesn't really spend much money. there are worse fathers."

humphrey digested this point of view. "well, i think i would rather have mine," he said, "tiresome as he can be, and is, sometimes. anyhow he's going to do the right thing by us. i needn't go into details, but you'll be able to have some pretty frocks, old girl; and you may find yourself in a big house before you've done, yet."

their conversation was interrupted by the breaking up of the tea-party and the setting up of the bridge tables. bridge was the serious pursuit at thatchover, and it was only, so to speak, at off times that the household indulged in their tastes for romps. there was never any paltering with the valuable hours between five o'clock and eight o'clock in the evening, and there were few of the present party who showed any inclination to shirk their duty, even to the extent of sitting out a rubber. but as the total number of players was divisible by two, but not by four, two of them were obliged to sit out, and lady aldeburgh suggested to humphrey that he and she should have a little talk and cut in later. "i hate doing it," she said, "because there's a certain sense of satisfaction in sitting down to begin, which you miss if you wait till everything is in full swing. still, it would look well for me to appear self-sacrificing, and if you don't mind we'll get our little chat over now, for i'm dying to hear what you've managed to fix up."

humphrey, sitting with her in a corner by the fire away from the green tables, put her in possession of the state of affairs. "there'll be at least fifteen hundred a year, and probably more," he concluded, "and that ought to make it good enough."

"if that were all, it wouldn't be good enough," said lady aldeburgh decisively. "you and susan couldn't live on fifteen hundred a year or anything like it. i shouldn't consider it for a moment."

"oh yes, you would," said humphrey calmly. "still, it isn't all. we're to have a house, for one thing—a house more than half furnished, and there'll be all sorts of perquisites. i'm to go in for the land agency business; and by and by, if i behave myself, as i mean to, and susan behaves herself, as she means to do, we shall be very well off."

"what on earth are you talking about?" enquired lady aldeburgh, thoroughly bewildered. "the land agency business——'

"we are to live at the dower-house at kencote," said humphrey. "i don't think you saw it, but it's a topping little house. and i'm to help the governor look after things. that's the scheme."

"my dear humphrey! what absolute nonsense!" exclaimed lady aldeburgh. "you and susan burying yourselves in the country! why, you'd be bored stiff in a week, and you'd get sick to death of one another in a month. you can't seriously consider such a ridiculous scheme."

"why ridiculous?" enquired humphrey. "we're in the country at this moment, and we're not bored stiff—far from it."

"that's entirely different, a big house, with crowds of people whenever you want them—and in winter, when there's something for the men to do. to settle down for good! and at a place like kencote! well, i don't want to be rude to your people, but i ask you, are they alive or dead?"

humphrey flushed. "my people are all right," he said, keeping his voice level. "and susan will get on with them. you needn't worry yourself about that side of the question."

"i can't help it if you are angry with me," said lady aldeburgh, with a slight recurrence to her infantile manner. "i say what i think, and although i have the greatest possible respect for your people, it would drive me crazy to live in the way they do. and i'm not going to let susan be killed and buried and made miserable for life."

"all right," said humphrey. "then i'd better pack up and clear off."

"oh, don't be silly. if you can screw a couple of thousand a year out of your father, with the little bit that susan will have, which will pay for her frocks, you could take a nice little flat and be fairly comfortable. i shouldn't mind your waiting for the rest to come later."

"if i do that, the rest won't come later; it won't come at all. dick has kicked over the traces, and i'm to take his place—to a certain extent. i don't want to think too much about all that, but you force me to say it. you understand the situation well enough if you'd give your mind to it. i don't want to bury myself in the country all the year round any more than you would; but, hang it! isn't it worth making some sacrifice for a time? besides, it's such nonsense to talk as if living in the country, and living comfortably too, within three hours of london, were the same thing as going off to siberia or somewhere. anyhow, we're going to live at kencote. i'm game and susan's game. we don't ask you to come and live with us."

"now you're positively insulting," said lady aldeburgh, entirely recovering her good-humour, for this was the way she liked to be treated by good-looking young men. it implied that she appeared as young as she felt. "of course if you have made up your mind to hoe turnips for the rest of your life, you naturally wouldn't expect me to come and hoe them with you, and i shouldn't come if you did. the question is, will susan be happy hoeing turnips? that's what i have to look at."

"i dare say you will be pleased to do an occasional week-end's hoeing," replied humphrey. "and as for susan, i've already told you she's ready to hoe as long as is necessary. please don't upset her about it. we are going to eat our bread and butter quite contentedly for a few years, and we shall get the jam by and by. if you put your oar in and try and upset things, we shan't get nearly so much bread and butter, and we shall miss the jam altogether. after all, it's a question for us to decide; and we've already decided. we're going to be a good little boy and girl, and if all goes well, by and by we shall be little county magnates. i believe that's the proper expression."

"what is your father going to do?" asked lady aldeburgh. "let's put it quite plainly, as we are talking confidentially. is he going to make an eldest son of you? is dick finally out of the way? i know he's going to marry virginia dubec in spite of everything. does your father still refuse to see him—or to see her, which is more to the point, for i'm not a cat like some women, and i'll say this, that i believe if he were to see her she would get round him; for she's a beautiful creature and could turn any man round her little finger if she cared to try."

"she won't have a chance of trying with him," replied humphrey. "you may make your mind easy as to that. as for dick, i suppose he's seeing him at this moment. he was going down to kencote this afternoon."

"what! oh, then they've made it up?"

"no, they haven't. neither side budges. dick is going to marry virginia, as you say, and dick's father has sworn to leave all he can away from him if he does. both of them will keep their word, for they're both as obstinate as the devil. but they are going to patch up a sort of peace, and i'm not altogether sorry. dick hasn't behaved particularly well to me, and i should be a humbug if i pretended that i wanted him to get back what's now coming my way. but i don't want him to feel left out in the cold altogether."

"how very sweet and forgiving! are you sure that he won't persuade your father to change his mind?"

"he won't try."

"how do you know that?"

"because i know dick."

"i suppose you wired to say you were coming down here because you didn't want to meet him?"

"i suppose i did. we might have had a row. i haven't done anything to persuade the governor to alter his will, as he's going to do, but it's going to be altered in my favour, and dick might not feel inclined to do me justice over the matter. i don't want a row with him. we've been fairly good pals so far, and i don't want to be open enemies with him. besides, kencote will belong to him some day, and——"

"well, when it does you won't be there any longer."

"yes, i shall. i'm to have partisham—that's pretty well settled. there would be an explosion of wrath and surprise if i intimated that i knew that and was counting on it; but you can see the governor's brain working all the time. he lets everything out, and he's let out that. it's only a question of one farm at present. i may get it with the rest, or it may go to walter, for there's an old manor-house on it, and he thinks it would do for walter to do up and live in when he gets tired of doctoring. he can't quite make up his mind, but it's only a hundred and fifty acres out of about two thousand, and it doesn't much matter one way or the other."

"well, you seem pretty sure about it. i hope you may not be making a mistake. if i were dick i should certainly have a try at getting back what he's lost. where is this place you're going to have?"

"the house is about four miles from kencote, and the property adjoins. my great-grandfather bought it with money his brother left him, and some of it is good building land on the outskirts of bathgate. i've never been inside the house; it's let to a doctor and used as a private lunatic asylum."

"that's pleasant!"

"it's a fine house, and the property is rising in value every year. i shall be a richer man than dick before i've done."

"how mercenary you are! well, i suppose it's all right, as you say so, and i must give my consent. oh, look, there's a table up. come on! i feel as if i'm going to win stacks."

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