"we're afloat!
we're afloat!
in our trim ice-boat;
and we row—
yeave ho!
"i guess i won't sing any more," said the gas stove. "it's a hard song to sing, that is, particularly when you've never heard it before, and can't think of another rhyme for boat."
"that's easy enough to find," returned jimmieboy, pulling at the oars. "coat rhymes with boat, and so do note and moat and goat and——"
"very true," assented the stove, "but it wouldn't do to use coat because we take our coats off when we row. note is good enough but you don't have time to write one when you are singing a sea-song. moat isn't any good, because[pg 184] nobody'd know whether you meant the moat of a castle, a sun-moat, or the one in your eye. as for goats, goats don't go well in poetry. so i guess it's just as well to stop singing right here."
"how fast we go!" said jimmieboy.
"what did you expect?" asked the stove. "the bottom of this boat is as slippery as can be, and, of course, going up the river against the current we get over the water faster than if we were going the other way because we—er—because we—well because we do."
"seems to me," said jimmieboy, "i'd better turn out some of the gas in my coat. i'm melting right through the seat here."
"so am i," returned the stove, with an anxious glance at the icy craft. "it won't be more than a minute before i melt my end of the boat all to pieces. i'm afraid we'll have to take to our arctics after all. i brought a pair of your father's along, and it's a good thing for us that he has big feet, for you'll have to get in one and i in the other."
just then the stern of the boat melted away, and the stove, springing up from his seat and throwing himself into one of the arctics, with his ammunition and rubber hose, floated off. jimmieboy had barely time to get into the other[pg 185] arctic when his end of the ice-boat also gave way, and a cross-current in the stream catching the arctic whirled it about and carried it and its little passenger far away from the stove who shortly disappeared around a turn in the river, so that jimmieboy was left entirely alone in utter ignorance as to where he really was or what he should do next. generally jimmieboy was a very brave little boy, but he found his present circumstances rather trying. to be floating down a strange river in a large overshoe, with absolutely no knowledge of the way home, and a very dim notion only as to how he had managed to get where he was, was terrifying, and when he realized his position, great tears fell from jimmieboy's eyes, freezing into little pearls of ice before they landed in the bottom of the golosh, where they piled up so rapidly that the strange craft sank further and further into the water and would certainty have sunk with their weight had not the voice jimmieboy had encountered a little while before come to his rescue.
"golosh, ahoy!" cried the voice. "captain! captain! lean over the side and cry in the river or you'll sink your boat."
the sound of the voice was a great relief to the little sailor who at once tried to obey the order[pg 186] he had received but found it unnecessary since his tears immediately dried up.
"come out here in the boat with me!" cried jimmieboy. "i'm awful lonesome and i don't know what to do."
[pg 187]
"then there is only one thing you can do," said the voice from a point directly over the buckle of the arctic. "and that is to sit still and let time show you. it's a great thing, jimmieboy, when you don't know what to do and can't find any one to tell you, to sit down and do nothing, because if you did something you'd be likely to find out afterwards that it was the wrong thing. when i was young, in the days when i was what i used to be, i once read a poem that has lingered with me ever since. it was called 'wait and see' and this is the way it went:
"when you are puzzled what to do,
and no one's nigh to help you out;
you'll find it for the best that you
should wait until time gives the clew.
and then your business go about—
of this there is no doubt.
"just see the cow! she never knows
what's going to happen next, so she
contented 'mongst the daises goes,
in clover from her head to toes,
from care and trouble ever free—
she simply waits, you see!
"the horse, unlike the cow, in fear
jumps to and fro at maddest rate,
[pg 188]tears down the street, doth snort and rear,
and knocks the wagon out of gear—
and just because he does not wait,
his woes accumulate.
"d. crockett, famous in the past,
the same sage thought hath briefly wed
to words that must forever last,
wherever haply they be cast:
'be sure you're right, then go ahead,'
"that's what d. crockett said.
"lots in that. if you don't know what to do," continued the voice, "don't do it."
"i won't," said jimmieboy. "but do you know where we are?"
"yes," said the voice. "i am here and you are there, and i think if we stay just as we are forever there is not likely to be any change, so why repine? we are happy."
just then the golosh passed into a huge cavern, whose sides glistened like silver, and from the roof of which hung millions of beautiful and at times fantastically shaped icicles.
"this," said the voice, "is the gateway to the kingdom of frostland. at the far end you will see a troop of ice soldiers standing guard. i doubt very much if you can get by them, unless you have retained a great deal of that heat you had. how is it? are you still lit?"
[pg 189]
"i am," said jimmieboy. "just put your hand on my chest and see how hot it is."
"can't do it," returned the voice, "for two reasons. first, i haven't a hand to do it with, and secondly, if i had, i couldn't see with it. people don't see with their hands any more than they sing with their toes; but say, jimmieboy, wouldn't it be funny if we could do all those things—eh? what a fine poem this would be if it were only sensible:
"a singular song having greeted my toes,
i stared till i weakened the sight of my nose
to see what it was, and observed a sweet voice
come forth from the ears of lucinda, so choice.
"i cast a cough-drop in the lovely one's eyes,
who opened her hands in a tone of surprise,
and remarked, in a way that startled my wife,
'i never was treated so ill in my life.'
"then tears in a torrent coursed over her arms,
and the blush on her teeth much heightened her charms.
as, tossing the cough-drop straight back, with a sneeze,
she smashed the green goggles i wear on my knees."
jimmieboy laughed so long and so loudly at this poetical effusion that he attracted the attention of the guards, who immediately loaded their[pg 190] guns and began to pepper the invaders with snow-balls.
"throw yourself down on your stomach in the toe of the golosh," whispered the voice, "and they'll never know you are there. keep perfectly quiet, and when any questions are asked, even if you are discovered, let me answer them. i can disguise myself so that they won't recognize me, and they'll think i'm your voice. in this way i think i can get you through in safety."
so jimmieboy threw himself down in the golosh, and the voice began to sing.
"no, no, my dear,
i do not fear
the devastating snow-ball;
when it strikes me,
i shriek with glee,
and eat it like a dough-ball."
"halt!" cried the ice-guards. "who are you?"
"i am a haunted overshoe," replied the voice. "i am on the foot of a phantom which only appears at uncertain hours, and is consequently now invisible to you.
"and, so i say,
oh, fire away,
i fear ye not, icicles;
howe'er ye shoot,
i can't but hoot,
your act so greatly tickles."
[pg 191]
"shall we let it through?" asked the captain of the guards.
"i move we do," said one high private.
"i move we don't," said another.
"all in favor of doing one thing or the other say aye," cried the captain.
"aye!" roared the company.
"contrary-minded, no," added the captain.
"no!" roared the company.
"both motions are carried," said the captain. "we will now adjourn for luncheon."
[pg 192]
the overshoe, meanwhile, had floated on down through the gates and was now out of the guards' sight and jimmieboy sprang to his feet and looked about him once more, and what he saw was so beautiful that he sat speechless with delight. he was now in the heart of frostland, and before him loomed the palace, a marvelously massive pile of richly carven ice-blocks transparent as glass; and within, seated upon a throne of surpassing brilliance and beauty, sat king jack surrounded by his courtiers, who were singing songs the like of which jimmieboy never before had heard.
"now remember, jimmieboy," said the voice, as the overshoe with its passengers floated softly up to the huge snow-pier that ran out into the river at this point where they disembarked—"remember i am to do all the talking. otherwise you might get into trouble."
"all right, voicy," began jimmieboy, and then there came a terrific shout from within.
"who comes here?" cried king jack, rising from his throne and pointing his finger at jimmieboy.
"i am a traveling minstrel," jimmieboy seemed to reply though in reality it was the kind-hearted voice that said it. "and i have come a[pg 193] thousand and six miles, eight blocks, fourteen feet, six inches to recite to your majesty a poem i have written in honor of your approaching jubilee."
"have i a jubilee approaching?" roared jack, turning to his secretary of state, who was so startled that his right arm melted.
"y—yes, your majesty," stammered the secretary, with a low bow. "it is coming along at the rate of sixty seconds a minute."
"why have i not been informed of this before?" roared jack, casting a glance at the cowering secretary that withered the nose[pg 194] straight off his face. "don't you know that jubilees are useful to a man only because other people give him presents in honor of the event? and here you've kept me in ignorance of the fact all this time, and the chances are i won't get a thing;—for i've neglected my relatives dreadfully."
"sire," pleaded the secretary, "all that you say is true, but i have attended to all that. i have informed your friends that the jubilee is coming, and they are all preparing pleasant little surprises for you. we are going to give your majesty a surprise party, which is the finest kind of a party, because you don't have to go home after it is over, and the guests bring their own fried oysters, and pay all the bills."
"ah!" said jack, melting a little. "you are a good man, after all. i will raise your salary, and send your children a skating-pond on christmas day; but when is this jubilee to take place?"
"in eight hundred and forty-seven years," returned the voice, who did not like the secretary of state, and wanted to get him in trouble. "on the eighty-second day of july."
"what—a—at?" roared the king, glaring at the secretary.
[pg 195]
"i didn't say a word, sire," cried the unfortunate secretary.
"no?" sneered jack. "i suppose it was i that answered my own question, eh? that settles you. the idea of my waiting eight hundred and forty-seven years for a jubilee that is to take place on an impossible date! executioner, take the secretary of state out to the furnace-room, and compel him to sit before the fire until there's only enough of him left to make one snow-ball. then take that and throw it at the most decrepit hack-driver in my domain. the humiliation of this delayer of jubilees must be complete."
the secretary of state was then led weeping away, and jack, turning to the awed jimmieboy, shouted out:
"now for the minstrel. if the poem pleaseth our royal coolness, the singer shall have the position made vacant by that unfortunate snow-drift i have just degraded. step right up, young fellow, and turn on the poem."
"step up to the foot of the throne and make a bow, and leave the rest to me," whispered the voice to jimmieboy. "all you've got to do is to move your lips and wave your arms. i'll do the talking."
jimmieboy did as he was bade. he took up his[pg 196] stand before the throne, bowed, and the voice began to declaim as jimmieboy's lips moved, and his arms began to shoot out, first to the left and then to the right.
"this poem," said the voice, "is in the language of the snortuguese, and has been prepared at great expense for this occasion, fourteen gallons of ink having been consumed on the first stanza alone, which runs as follows:
"jack frigidos,
jack frigidos,
oh, what a trope you are!
how you do shine
and ghibeline,
and conjugate afar!"
"it begins very well, oh, minstrel!" said jack, with an approving nod. "the ink was well expended. mount thee yon table, and from thence deliver thyself of the remnant of thy rhyme."
"thanks," returned the voice; "i will."
"get up on the table, jimmieboy," the voice added, "and we'll finish 'em off there. be a little slow about it, for i've got to have time to compose the rest of the poem."
so jimmieboy clambered up the leg of the table, and in a few moments was ready for the voice to begin, which the voice proceeded to do.
[pg 197]
"i will repeat the first verse, your majesty, for the sake of completeness. and here goes:
"jack frigidos,
jack frigidos,
oh, what a trope you are!
how you do shine,
and ghibeline,
and conjugate afar!
"how debonair
is thy back hair;
thy smile how contraband!
would i could ape
thy shapely shape,
and arrogate thy hand!
"that nose of thine,
how superfine!
how pertinent thy chin.
how manifest
the palimpsest
and contour of thy shin!
"how ormolu
thy revenue!
how dusk thy silhouette!
how myrtilly
thy pedigree
doth grace thine amulet!
"what man is there,
ay, anywhere,
[pg 198]what mortal chanticleer,
can fail to find
unto his mind
thy buxom bandolier!
"ah, frigidos!
jack frigidos,
in parcel or in keg,
another like
thee none can strike
from dan to winnipeg."
here the voice paused.
"is that all?" queried jack frost.
"it is all i have written up to this moment," the voice answered. "of course there are seventy or eighty more miles of it, because, as your majesty is well aware, it would take many a league of poetry fitly to commemorate your virtues."
"your answer is pleasing unto me," replied the monarch of frostland, when the voice had thus spoken. "the office of the secretary of state is yours. the salary is not large, but the duties are. they are to consist mainly of——"
here the king was interrupted by a tremendous noise without. evidently some one was creating a disturbance, and as jimmieboy turned to see what it was, he saw the great ice mountain looming up over the far-distant horizon melt slowly away and dwindle out of sight; and[pg 199] then messengers, breathless with haste, rushed in and cried out to the king:
"we are attacked! we are attacked! a tribe from a far country, commanded by the gas stove, is even now within our boundaries, armed with a devastating hose, breathing forth fire, by which already has been destroyed the whole western frontier."
"what is to be done?" cried jack, in alarm, and springing to his feet. "can we not send a regiment of cold winds out against them, and freeze them to their very marrows and blow out the gas?"
"we cannot, sire," returned the messenger, "for the heat is so deadly that the winds themselves thaw into balmy zephyrs before they reach the enemy."
[pg 200]
"not so!" cried the voice from jimmieboy's lips. "for i will save you if you will place the matter in my hands."
"noble creature!" sobbed jack, grasping jimmieboy by the hand. "save my kingdom from destruction, and all that you ask of me in the future is yours."
and jimmieboy, promising to help jack, started out, clad with all the authority of his high office, to meet the gas stove.
