chapter 31 a human document
a day or two after that i was suddenly recalled to the argentine. so it happened that i never saw jane wilkinson again and only read in the paper of her trial and condemnation. unexpectedly, at least unexpectedly to me, she went completely to pieces when charged with the truth. so long as she was able to be proud of her cleverness and act her part she made no mistakes, but once her self-confidence failed her, owing to someone having found her out, she was as incapable as a child would be of keeping up a deception. cross-examined, she went completely to pieces.
so, as i said before, that luncheon party was the last time i saw jane wilkinson. but when i think of her, i always see her the same way – standing in her room at the savoy trying on expensive black clothes with a serious absorbed face. i am convinced that that was no pose. she was being completely natural. her plan had succeeded and therefore she had no further qualms and doubts. neither do i think that she ever suffered one pang of remorse for the three crimes she had committed.
i reproduce here a document which she had directed was to be sent to poirot after her death. it is, i think, typical of that very lovely and completely conscienceless lady.
dear m. poirot, i have been thinking things over and i feel that i should like to write this for you. i know that you sometimes publish reports of your cases. i don’t really think that you’ve ever published a document by the person themselves. i feel, too, that i would like everyone to know just exactly how i did it all. i still think it was all very well planned. if it hadn’t been for you everything would have been quite all right. i’ve felt rather bitter about that, but i suppose you couldn’t help it. i’m sure, if i send you this, you’ll give it plenty of prominence. you will, won’t you? i should like to be remembered. and i do think i am really a unique person. everybody here seems to think so.
it began in america when i got to know merton. i saw at once that if only i were a widow he would marry me. unfortunately, he has got a queer sort of prejudice against divorce. i tried to overcome it but it was no good, and i had to be careful, because he was a very kinky sort of person.
i soon realized that my husband simply had got to die, but i didn’t know how to set about it. you can imagine things like that ever so much better in the states. i thought and i thought – but i couldn’t see how to arrange it. and then, suddenly, i saw carlotta adams do her imitation of me and at once i began to see a way. with her help i could get an alibi. that same evening i saw you, and it suddenly struck me that it would be a good idea to send you to my husband to ask him for a divorce. at the same time i would go about talking of killing my husband, because i’ve always noticed that if you speak the truth in a rather silly way nobody believes you. i’ve often done it over contracts. and it’s also a good thing to seem stupider than you are. at my second meeting with carlotta adams i broached the idea. i said it was a bet, and she fell for it at once. she was to pretend to be me at some party and if she got away with it she was to have ten thousand dollars. she was very enthusiastic and several of the ideas were hers – about changing clothes and all that. you see, we couldn’t do it here because of ellis and we couldn’t do it at her place because of her maid. she, of course, didn’t see why we couldn’t. it was a little awkward. i just said ‘no.’ she thought me a little stupid about it, but she gave in and we thought of the hotel plan. i took a pair of ellis’s pince-nez.
of course i realized quite soon that she would have to be got out of the way too. it was a pity, but after all, those imitations of hers really were very impertinent. if mine hadn’t happened to suit me i’d have been angry about it. i had some veronal myself, though i hardly ever take it, so that was quite easy. and then i had quite a brainwave. you see, it would be so much better if it could seem that she was in the habit of taking it. i ordered a box – the duplicate of one i’d been given and i had her initials put on it and an inscription inside. i thought if i put some odd initial and paris, november, inside it, it would make it all much more difficult. i wrote for the box from the ritz when i was in there lunching one day. and i sent ellis over to fetch it. she didn’t know what it was, of course.
everything went off quite well on the night. i took one of ellis’s corn knives, while she was over in paris, because it was nice and sharp. she never noticed because i put it back afterwards. it was a doctor in san francisco who showed me just where to stick it in. he’d been talking about lumbar and cistern punctures, and he said one had to be very careful, otherwise one went through the cistertia magna and into the medulla oblongata where all the vital nerve centres are, and that that would cause immediate death. i made him show me the exact place several times. i thought it might perhaps come in useful one day. i told him i wanted to use the idea in a film.
it was very dishonourable of carlotta adams to write to her sister. she’d promised me to tell nobody. i do think it was clever of me to see what a good thing it would be to tear off that one page and leave he instead of she. i thought of that all by myself. i think i’m more proud of that than anything else. everyone always says i haven’t got brains – but i think it needed real brains to think of that.
i’d thought things over very carefully and i did exactly what i’d planned when the scotland yard man came. i rather enjoyed that part of it. i had thought, perhaps, that he’d really arrest me. i felt quite safe, because they’d have to believe all those people at the dinner and i didn’t see how they could find out about me and carlotta changing clothes.
after that i felt so happy and contented. my luck had held and i really felt everything was going to go right. the old duchess was beastly to me, but merton was sweet. he wanted to marry me as soon as possible and hadn’t the least suspicion.
i don’t think i’ve ever been so happy as i was those few weeks. my husband’s nephew being arrested made me feel just as safe as anything. and i was more proud of myself than ever for having thought of tearing that page out of carlotta adams’ letter.
the donald ross business was just sheer bad luck. i’m not quite sure now just how it was he spotted me. something about paris being a person and not a place. even now i don’t know who paris was – and i think it’s a silly name for a man anyway.
it’s curious how, when luck starts going against you, it keeps on going. i had to do something about donald ross quickly, and that did go all right. it mightn’t have, because i hadn’t time to be clever or think of making an alibi. i did think i was safe after that.
of course ellis told me you had sent for her and questioned her, but i gathered it was all something to do with bryan martin. i couldn’t think what you were driving at. you didn’t ask her whether she had called for the parcel in paris. i suppose you thought if she repeated that to me i should smell a rat. as it was, it came as a complete surprise. i couldn’t believe it. it was just uncanny the way you seemed to know everything i’d done.
i just felt it was no good. you can’t fight against luck. it was bad luck, wasn’t it? i wonder if you are ever sorry for what you did. after all, i only wanted to be happy in my own way. and if it hadn’t been for me you would never have had anything to do with the case. i never thought you’d be so horribly clever. you didn’t look clever.
it’s funny, but i haven’t lost my looks a bit. in spite of all that dreadful trial and the horrid things that man on the other side said to me, and the way he battered me with questions.
i look much paler and thinner, but it suits me somehow. they all say i’m wonderfully brave. they don’t hang you in public any more, do they? i think that’s a pity.
i’m sure there’s never been a murderess like me before.
i suppose i must say goodbye now. it’s very queer. i don’t seem to realize things a bit. i’m going to see the chaplain tomorrow.
yours forgivingly (because i must forgive my enemies, mustn’t i?).
jane wilkinson.
p.s. do you think they will put me in madame tussauds?
第三十一章 一篇人性记录
一两天以后。我突然被阿根廷有关部门召回。所以此后竟再也没有亲眼见到简·威尔金森。只在报上读到了对她的审判。出乎意料，至少是出乎我的意料的是，在证据面前她完全崩溃了。在她能以自己的聪明和表演自豪的时候。她不会犯错；但当别人发现了她的秘密，她不再有自信时，她就会变成孩子一样。再也无法继续欺骗下去了。所以一经盘问，她就全盘崩溃了。
所以，正如我以前说过的，那次午宴是我最后一次见到简·威尔金森。但每当我想起她。便好像看见她还是那个样子——站在萨伏依饭店她的套房里，身着昂贵的黑色衣服，脸上露出严肃、专注的样子。我相信那不是伪装的。她确实很自然。她的计划成功了，所以她再也没有什么不安和疑虑了。我觉得对那三起杀人案。她丝毫没感到后悔。
我在此再提供一封待她死后才送到波洛处的信。这封信足以代表那个可爱，但无良心的女士。
波洛先生，我一直在考虑，觉得我应该给你写信。我知道你有时会发表一些你的案件调查报告。我想你还没发表过由当事人自己写的记录。我也觉得。我想让人人都知道，我究竟是怎么杀的人。我仍认为计划相当周密。要不是因为你，一切都会过去的。想起这个，我真有些难过，但我想你不得不那样做。我相信，加果我把这个寄给你，你会发表它，让大家都知道经过。你会的，不是吗？我想被记住。我确实认为自己是个相当奇特的人。这里的每一个人都这么认为。
我是在美国认识默顿公爵的。我立刻明白。只要我成了寡妇，他就会娶我。很不幸的是他对离婚有一种很怪的偏见，我想设法改变这个，但没有用处。我必须非常小心，因为他是一个很乖僻的人。
我意识到，我的丈夫一定得死，但是我不知道该怎么着手去做。你能想象得到，在美国，这类事好办得多。我想啊，想啊——但我还是想不出该怎么干。这时，突然我看到卡洛塔·亚当斯模仿我的表演，于是我立刻想到一个办法。在她的帮助下，我可以有不在现场的证据。就在同一天晚上，我见到了你，我突生一个想法，如果让你去说服我的丈夫是个不错的主意。同时，我逢人便说我要杀我丈夫的话，因为我注意到，你越是傻傻地说出实情，越是没有人相信你。我以前与别人签合同时，总是这么干的。同时，装傻也是件好事。我第二次与卡洛塔·亚当斯见面时，我提出了这个想法。我说打个赌，她立刻就中了圈套。她在某个宴会上去扮我，加果她成功了，就可以得到一万美元。她非常热心，有好多主意都是她的——关于换衣服等等。你知道，我们不能在我这，因为有埃利斯。也不能在她那，因为有她的女仆。当然，她并不明白为什么不能那样。当时很尴尬，我只说“不行”。她觉得我有点笨，但她还是让步了，我们就想出了旅店计划。我拿了埃利斯的夹鼻眼镜。
当然我很快意识到她也得除掉。这是很可惜的。但毕竟她模仿别人的表演也够无礼的了。加果她的模仿不是正合我意，我也许旱就生气了。我很少用佛罗那，但我有，那就好办多了。我当时灵机一动。你看，要是让人们看来，她有服麻醉剂的习惯，事情就更好办了。我就定了一个匣子——我本有一个，是朋友送的。我将她的姓名首写字母刻在里面。我还想放一些奇怪的首写字母以及巴黎、十一月等等，这样使人更难查出。我在里茨饭店吃午饭的时候，我写信订购。然后我派埃利斯去取。当然，她不知道是什么。
那个晚上，一切相当顺利。我趁埃利斯在巴黎的时候，拿了她的一把小刀子，因为那刀很好，很锋利。她从未注意到，因为用后我又将刀放回原处了。是旧金山的一位医生告诉我怎样刺入刀子的，他一直在谈论腰椎和骨槽的刺伤。他说要非常小心。否则加果碰到小脑部与延髓之间半球网状的地方，一直刺入延髓，可就危险了。因为那是神经中枢，加果刺中那人就会立刻死去。我让他几次指给我看，确切是哪个地方。我想有一天，也许会有用的。我对他讲，我是想在电影中用这个材料。
卡洛塔·亚当斯将这事写信给她妹妹真是太卑鄙了。她曾答应我不告诉任何人。我看不出有什么比我能够将信中那页撕去，留下个‘他’而不是‘她’更聪明的做法了。这一切郁是自己想出来的。我认为自己对此是最自豪的。人人都会说我没头脑——但我能想出那办法来是需要真正头脑的。
我非常仔细地计划了一切，当伦敦警察厅的人来的时候，我就一切按计划做。我对那一切也狠满意。我还想，大慨他会真的逮捕我。但我觉得银安全。因为他们将不得不相信晚宴上的所有人，我也不认为他们会发现我与卡洛塔换衣服的事。
过后我觉得加此地开心与满足。我运气来了，我觉得一切都会不成问题。公爵夫人对我坏透了，但默顿对我很好。他想尽快娶我，而且对我没有一丝怀疑。
我认为，在我一生中，没有什么时候比那几个星期的生活更快乐了。我丈夫的侄儿被捕，让我觉得更安全了。一想起我将卡洛塔·亚当斯的信撕去一页的事”更是得意。
唐纳德。罗斯的事只是倒霉的事。我不知道为什么他注意到了我。好像巴黎是人不是地方。直到现在，也不知道帕里斯是谁——不管怎么拼，觉得一个男人叫帕里斯这名字真够傻的。
真是奇怪，一件倒霉事来了以后，会接连不断了。我不得不很快地对付唐纳德。罗斯，的行动也很利落。也许并不是很利落，为我没有时间想到一个证明自已不在现场的证据。但我认为自己此后就安全了。
当然，利斯告诉了我，曾叫她去问话。但我认为是与布赖恩·马丁有关的。我不明白你用意何在。你并没问她是否去巴黎取了包裹。我猜你会认为。她对我说了后，就会起疑心。事实上。这使我大吃一惊，简直不能相信。你竟然对我所做的一切了加指掌，人难以置信。
我觉得没用了。你无法和命运抗衡的。真是背运。不是吗？我在想，会不会为你的所作所为感到遗憾。毕竟，只是按自己的方式寻找幸福。要不是因为我，根本不会与这案子有关。我从未想到你加此聪明。你看起来可不怎么聪明。
说来好笑。我仍然容颜依旧。尽管经历了那么多可悄的审讯，告方对我说了那么多难堪的话，及厉害的盘问，还很漂亮。
我比先前苍白了，瘦了。但不知怎么回事，适合我。他们都说我相当勇敢。他们不再公开对犯人施绞刑了？真是遗憾。
我肯定，前绝对不会有像我这样的女凶手。
我想我现在得说再见了。真是很怪的，似乎一点也没认识到怎么回事。我明天要见狱中的教诲师了。
原谅你的
简·威尔金森
（因为我要原谅我的敌人，不是？）
又及。你认为他们会在杜梭夫人蜡像馆里为我制一个像吗？
